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Original poster

Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

313 replies

ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:07

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
Sandinmyknickers · 26/09/2022 15:57

You've been dating a few years, on your late twenties and "not ready to settle down"...but you are worried about a hypothetical problem to which you don't even seem to have all the facts?
I'm actually laughing. Yes. You are being unreasonable to speculate as to your "future" wealth (amount unknown and hypothetical) and how you will manage that in your hypothetical marriage with your hypothetical children

Northbynorthbreast · 26/09/2022 16:01

Does he not know anything about money? When you invest it sensibly, you get a return on it… that return doesn’t deplete the original investment.

how does it make sense to not give your children anything but squirrel it away for when they are older or dead or what?

it all sounds a bit unlikely. I wouldn’t leave hundreds of millions to someone that clueless about money!

KosherDill · 26/09/2022 16:01

You should put the supposed inheritance out of your mind; it may never happen. And it's best to make your own way, financially, partnered or not.

That said, I could never be with someone who was tight with money. I'm very frugal in day-to-day life but have no problem splashing out with travel, etc. If I were scrimping and knew my partner had millions that would sit there untouched for decades, it would be a turnoff.

MigsandTiggs · 26/09/2022 16:07

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

AsterixInEngland · 26/09/2022 16:08

Musti · 26/09/2022 14:33

I think since you’re not married and he hasn’t inherited anything, no point in discussing it now.

No point discussing the inheritance, yes.

But discussing attitude to money is a big one imo.
Esp if they don’t agree on saving every single penny vs enjoying life. If/when there are children in the mix, it will be even worse.

Xenia · 26/09/2022 16:10

He might not inherit it as people change their wills all the time. If he does you are not even married so have no spousal rights and it is his money. Wanting his children to benefit from it is fine eg he might want to pay school and university fees for them and help them with housing.

Given what he might be worth in due course if I were he I would see a solicitor and have a cohabitation agreement entered into with you (if you both live together).

Cantstandbullshit · 26/09/2022 16:12

DillonPanthersTexas · 26/09/2022 12:20

You are not even married to this man yet you are making plans as to how to spend money that he has not yet received and that you are not actually entitled to.

I think it’s a good way to ensure they are aligned on financial expectations so they can decide now if they are compatible or not. As mentioned by a PP the approach of its his money so let him do what he wants will cause a lot of resentment in the marriage.

Cantstandbullshit · 26/09/2022 16:14

Maireas · 26/09/2022 12:28

Is it Microsoft?
Because all that's going to charity.

Gates giving money says to charity doesn’t mean his kids will be paupers, they will be fine and comfortable.

Cantstandbullshit · 26/09/2022 16:15

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LifeIsaRollerCoaster1 · 26/09/2022 16:19

So you basically have a boyfriend and he's discovered his grandparents are secret billionaires 🤔🤣 and you as these people's grandson's girlfriend are plotting how you are going to spend your winnings 😆. Well he might dump you so don't get ahead of yourself and this is his parents inheritance not your boyfriends. So 2 generations need to die, you need to hope your bf is actually left the money, then your bf will probably ask for a prenup given the sums involved. Friend of a friend is from a successful family (millionnaires) her husband had to sign a prenup where he wouldn't get his hands on their fortune should they divorce. You are so presumptuous that you will stay with this man and will inherit this money which you have no claim on, it's kind of funny you plotting your fantasy future.

Maireas · 26/09/2022 16:32

Cantstandbullshit · 26/09/2022 16:14

Gates giving money says to charity doesn’t mean his kids will be paupers, they will be fine and comfortable.

Show quote history

Did I say they'd be paupers?
No.
But a significant amount is going to charity, which is not the same as leaving your children as paupers 🤔

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/09/2022 16:33

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I'm not 100% you're correct re ethnic Chinese disinheriting if they're married/etc to a non Chinese because a close friend of mine has dated a couple of Chinese women recently and the parents apparently have encouraged marriage (they didn't get that far either way), this was in spite of him being married before and having a grown up DD but also with him having a drink problem (but he was well off and had a glamourous job). One of my ex-boyfriends also told me his GF was Chinese and it was serious enough for them to visit China and for him to be introduced to her family, with a view to marriage. Apparently she was into luxurious items etc which put him off.

I did also know a ethnic Chinese/Vietnamese young woman though when I was younger and she was discouraged from having Western boyfriends, even a Thai one was discouraged, turns out she's fine with a nice Chinese SO now and they have 2 DD together.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/09/2022 16:35

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TooManyMoronsHere · 26/09/2022 16:37

No you shouldn't mind your own business.

You should be handing in your job resignation, looking into getting onto the wedding waiting list for the Plaza Hotel, start looking around potential million pound homes and also put down a deposit for a Ferrari, you need plenty of time to make sure you pick the right colour.

ThisIsMyNewestName · 26/09/2022 16:40

Giving you the benefit of the doubt that this is real because it's a really weird scenario...

My ILs are very wealthy (idk how much but based on property alone into 8 figures I'd reckon). Will DH inherit one day? Probably. But it's not something we've ever talked about, planned for or even think about tbh. There's so much that could happen that it's not a done deal at all. My ILs are the type to still be kicking around in their 90s and I'm very thankful for that. They don't live a frugal lifestyle but me and DH are very ordinary (though without worries about money as there's a huge safety net).

ThisIsMyNewestName · 26/09/2022 16:44

Oh and just to add, DH is Chinese and I'm not and I've never been anything other than welcomed into his family (his grandma took a little time to come around but it was fine).

Gazelda · 26/09/2022 16:46

I don't think there's any harm in the occasional ponder about this OP. But I really wouldn't start planning how it should be spent.

You don't know the amount. You don't know how its going to come to your DP. You don't know when it will be. You don't know if there will be strings attached.
Don't start making plans or deciding your future based on this potential inheritance.
And I'd be careful about raising it too often with your DP, he might see it as grabby opportunism.
I'd stick with your Plan A and then if your DP receives a windfall you can have conversations with him about what he intends to do with it.

Croque · 26/09/2022 16:48

You sound greedy. I hope he gets an iron clad prenup if it ever comes to that. If you are only in your 20s then you could not have been together for that long. You mat find that he will aim to find a wealthy wife to match his own status if he thinks in a similar way to you.

silverbubbles · 26/09/2022 16:51

Cross this bridge when you get to it. You are a long way off and its simply not worth even thinking about as there are so many eventualities.....

It is very odd to start worrying and arguing about money that you don't have!

ThisIsMyNewestName · 26/09/2022 16:53

Oh and also... if the grandfather is really so ultra rich and also intent on preserving the wealth for future generations then it will probably be in a trust.

wordler · 26/09/2022 16:53

Forget about the potential inheritance - as you mentioned yourself it's a fantasy hypothetical at this point.

Focus on how this issue has highlighted to you that you and your partner have different views and intentions around finances.

THAT's what you need to sort out before you get married and commit your lives together. You'll need to be on the same page about day to day finances - how to budget and prioritize based on how you both feel, how to save or spend on big ticket items, views on saving for the future generations vs saving for your future as a couple and a nice retirement etc.

You've mentioned now that his 'wealthy' family are fairly frugal and he has mentioned having the same feelings about big chunks of wealth for the future and not spending it. That works for some people. For others it will lead to resentment and conflict.

You might never be arguing about this hypothetical inheritance but you very well could be arguing over your Christmas bonus, or a lottery windfall, or just the extra money left in the budget at the end of the month.

BigChesterDraws · 26/09/2022 16:56

So you are your boyfriend are “struggling” when it comes to money, but his family are sitting on a fortune that makes Elton John look like a pauper? If that’s true, and I very much doubt it, he probably won’t inherit anything. If they don’t help him out when they’re alive, they’re hardly going to do it when they are dead.

Absolutely no way I could see my son/grandson “struggling” if I had that kind of money. I’m not saying he should be a spoilt rich kid and never have to work or stand on his own two feet, but there’s a huge difference between being spoilt, and being helped with day to day living if you’re struggling.

YumYummy · 26/09/2022 16:58

No DH
No dead person
It’s not a thing.

RisingSunn · 26/09/2022 16:58

I’m sorry but this sounds really grabby.
You are yet to be married or have children. But here you are - thinking/making plans for an inheritance that is neither yours nor guaranteed.

You continue to earn/plan/ build your life together as if this money does not exist - because right now it doesn’t.

Tigofigo · 26/09/2022 17:10

Blossomtoes · 26/09/2022 12:52

All I wanted was a fun life with a partner, kids, and some lovely memories.

And this hypothetical situation affects that how? You don’t need millions to achieve that.

Yes I think your best bet is to forget you ever found out and live your best life regardless.

DEFINITELY don't stay with him just for the £ (or prospect of £)