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Original poster

Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

313 replies

ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:07

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 26/09/2022 12:10

stay out of it, your not married and your DP getting that money will be the result of his parents dying

Original poster
ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:11

@chipsandpeas it won't it will be his grandfather who he isn't close to

OP posts:
SunshineClouds1 · 26/09/2022 12:11

His money his business

FixTheBeak · 26/09/2022 12:11

Absolutely none of your business.

Puppyseahorse · 26/09/2022 12:13

this is quite confusing. We are talking hundreds of millions here? If you say 8-9 figures? After inheritance tax, your partner will inherit hundreds of millions?

and he never knew this?

I’m afraid I’m very confused. How could be not know this?

If he inherits hundreds of millions, you can certainly pay yourself more than 30k per year! 😂you could get 20 million per year in investment income on that!

sorry OP but I think we need more details…

clowerina · 26/09/2022 12:14

i don't know OP, tough one. If your monetary values are so different would this be the basis of a stable relationship? All I can see is resentment building if he has all this money but forces you both to live a meagre lifestyle. Doesn't mean he has to spend all of it, or even extravagantly, but the difference between poverty / low end lifestyle for the sake of it vs living moderately comfortably at the very least is massive. I can only see resentment building between you. There has to be a happy medium.

GettingOrganisedNow · 26/09/2022 12:14

I think I'd have to ask him, at what point does it become someone's money to spend? If he thinks it's not his because he inherited it, surely the same would apply to his kids and grandkids?

I wouldn't want to blow the lot, but I think it's bonkers that he's proposing not touching it at all. Having said that, it's not your money (and it's not even his money yet - and may never be, if he suddenly gets written out of the will or something). However, if you got married and had DC together, it would seem very unreasonable for him to refuse to touch it if it would improve their lives. I don't think I could be with someone like that, I'd be too resentful (and I'm also someone who's very good at saving and doesn't like blowing money).

Until then, though, you can't really say much. Just decide whether you could live with his attitude king term, and act accordingly.

clowerina · 26/09/2022 12:14

*you and your future children I mean, which is obviously key here. Letting his kids grow up deprived is weird.

Cinnabomb · 26/09/2022 12:15

Also very interested about the 8-9 figures!

BanannaSplitz · 26/09/2022 12:16

So at least 10 million? Have you got your figures straight?

Namechangehereandnow · 26/09/2022 12:17

So 8-9 figures = 99 million to over 100 million?? Is this correct??

Original poster
ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:17

@Puppyseahorse I don't really have more details other than his father owned a very successful company worth hundreds of millions. It's manufacturing in China. He sold the company but still has a stake in it and is sitting on this mountain of cash which he wants to distribute to his 6 grandchildren. My DP is one of them.

He knew there was money but had no idea it was this much, they all live well below their means. He also didn't know that he was getting it and assumed it would go to his parents.

I just feel if he inherits hundreds of millions, it may be 8 figures each when divided by the grandchildren, paying 30k per year is such a tiny amount that it's a no brainer.

OP posts:
pjani · 26/09/2022 12:17

I think this is a problem for the future, not for now. The grandparent could decide to give it to a donkey sanctuary tomorrow. Your partner could break up with you tomorrow. You could marry, have kids and then he realises he does want to fund some things.

I wouldn’t push it, it’s an important reminder that you need to be financially on the front foot yourself and not rely on/assume anything. Sounds like your partner is happy to keep working which is good and sensible.

purplecorkheart · 26/09/2022 12:18

At the moment he does not have the money and for all you know his Grandfather could chose to leave it to someone else.

I would stay out of it at the moment. You are not married and if you start making a big deal out of the money he may start rethinking your relationship as you might come across as grabby,

Maireas · 26/09/2022 12:18

So over £100m, but won't spend any?
Unlikely. He's having you on.

AriettyHomily · 26/09/2022 12:19

It's nothing to do with you at the moment.

FlounderingFruitcake · 26/09/2022 12:19

mid to high 9 figures rich
So worth more than half a billion and he genuinely had no idea? How does that even happen?

Maireas · 26/09/2022 12:19

FlounderingFruitcake · 26/09/2022 12:19

mid to high 9 figures rich
So worth more than half a billion and he genuinely had no idea? How does that even happen?

It doesn't.

Namechangehereandnow · 26/09/2022 12:20

There’s been a few troll threads already deleted this morning….

Original poster
ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:20

The figure is hundreds of millions. But DP has no idea how much is coming to him. And he could be written out the will at any time, or the money could be lost of gambled.

I have had one conversation with my DP about this so he doesn't know how I feel, I just didn't know if I was being unreasonable to expect a small amount to improve our lives. His family live in a plain four bed flat.

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 26/09/2022 12:20

You are not even married to this man yet you are making plans as to how to spend money that he has not yet received and that you are not actually entitled to.

MiniTheMinx · 26/09/2022 12:21

DH will inherit a substantial amount of money one day, that's not why I married him, and it isn't what keeps me married.

Right here, right now you have no money, no rights to this money, it isn't even 'his' money to share. Unless granddaddy is imminently about to pop off a lot can happen, and you might never end up in any position to have any claim on that money. So why are you worrying about it?

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 26/09/2022 12:21

Are you sure it’s 8-9 figures? 8 figures is £10 million (£10,000,000) and 9 is £100 million (£100,000,000). If it’s really that much then he’s got a problem with money or his relationship with his family and sees the money as ‘tainted’. He won’t be the first person who didn’t want to have anything to do with an inheritance.

If on the other hand he is saying it’s not his money yet, yes he’s quite right and I would never assume I was going to get an inheritance and I would be living to my (current) means and planning the future based on my current means, not some potential inheritance. Until he has inherited any money and you are planning to get married or have agreed to joint finances and have children together it’s literally none of your business. However, attitudes to money are important in a relationship and I wouldn’t be getting married if you are so far apart.

bumpertobumper · 26/09/2022 12:21

Of course it is your business!
If you are to have a life together and your DP, possibly Dh has tens of millions sitting in the bank that you aren't allowed to touch - have a nice house, car, holidays, private school etc.
that would do my head in, I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that. To decide to suffer financially because that is the message that has been passed down through the family. Madness.
Would make you look like a money grabber when actually he is being weird and tight with money.
Where is the joy in life? Where is the kindness, generosity, imagination??
So the money all has to be passed on to the kids who no doubt wouldn't be allowed to spend it either. That is a toxic family dynamic.
I'd be out.

TimeAtTheBar · 26/09/2022 12:21

He’s testing you.

I bet it’s a) nowhere near that much money and b) he has every intention of spending it, he’s just seeing how much of a gold digger you are.

Just say ‘oh yes that’s fine; we can invest it for our children and carry on as we are’. Pass the test.