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Original poster

Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

313 replies

ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:07

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/09/2022 12:54

jumpingwithjoy · 26/09/2022 12:46

I thought and was always told I would inherit a life changing substantial amount when my father died - I didn't!
Unbeknownst to me it was all tied up elsewhere (to outing to say here) and I got £4,000 in the end.
Good job I wasn't relying on it!
Never ever believe it until you see it in the bank. So many circumstances change and you have years to go before you even get a sniff of the money.
I think if your partner even knew what you were writing on here he would dump you. It's his "alleged" money and nothing to do with you at all, stop being so grabby and go and make your own money!

That's very true!

I know a family with 4 sons (1 sadly died), the father was seriously rich (think millionaire at least) and sent his 4 sons to public boarding schools, he had businesses and eventually moved abroad with their DM. He was a lot older than the DM and then sadly died of old age about 5 years ago. The sons were under no illusions though that they had to make their own way in the world, had had the best school/uni educations and that their DM inherited everything monetary and property wise but it was up to her to decide what to do with it going forward. The sons as far as I know aren't married yet but are in careers/relationships. The DM has said she'll help them out as and when they get married/have kids but she also needs to think about her own lifestyle as she's a lot younger. There are millions there but she's conscious of the fact that one of them has been in trouble with the police (violent assault) and that they could be reckless with a lot of money. So that's that with them for now!

BakeOffRewatch · 26/09/2022 12:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

romdowa · 26/09/2022 12:57

I think you are getting a hard Time here. I see exactly what your issue is. If my dp was told he was going to get millions and he didn't want to spend any of it then I'd be wondering if we were compatible. Why should be struggle when he has millions? It's just a bit tight isn't it?

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 26/09/2022 12:57

bumpertobumper · 26/09/2022 12:21

Of course it is your business!
If you are to have a life together and your DP, possibly Dh has tens of millions sitting in the bank that you aren't allowed to touch - have a nice house, car, holidays, private school etc.
that would do my head in, I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that. To decide to suffer financially because that is the message that has been passed down through the family. Madness.
Would make you look like a money grabber when actually he is being weird and tight with money.
Where is the joy in life? Where is the kindness, generosity, imagination??
So the money all has to be passed on to the kids who no doubt wouldn't be allowed to spend it either. That is a toxic family dynamic.
I'd be out.

Based on an inheritance which might never happen? Well then he’d be better off without you.

Queuesarasarah · 26/09/2022 12:58

pjani · 26/09/2022 12:17

I think this is a problem for the future, not for now. The grandparent could decide to give it to a donkey sanctuary tomorrow. Your partner could break up with you tomorrow. You could marry, have kids and then he realises he does want to fund some things.

I wouldn’t push it, it’s an important reminder that you need to be financially on the front foot yourself and not rely on/assume anything. Sounds like your partner is happy to keep working which is good and sensible.

This.

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/09/2022 12:59

All I wanted was a fun life with a partner, kids, and some lovely memories

If you can't figure out how to do this without spending his inheritance then leave him now. Its the wrong relationship for both of you.

babynosebleed · 26/09/2022 12:59

DH mum inherited a large sum of money from a trust so we will one day inherit that. However, it's not something we even discuss or think about because this will obviously come to us when she dies. We will probably leave the money in a trust and give it to our children.

I think you are being very grabby personally

sourgreenplums · 26/09/2022 12:59

Whatever the amount, the principal doesn't change. I am from a different culture and now live abroad, but was brought up in the Uk.
I understand the whole family money thing, in that I know that when my 2 teens become adults we will probably buy them each a house outright, as ours was bought by our parents, and we'll carry on as before. It's a case of gifting peace of mind from one generation to another. This in no means that people don't strive to do well or achieve what they can. Around 80% of my friends own their homes outright and were bought by their parents.
Possibly in your partner's case it's quite extreme, but perhaps he appreciates the way his family does things. If you like him put this out of your mind and carry on as if he had nothing.

Anytimeiseeit · 26/09/2022 13:01

You don’t know the currency, you don’t know the exact amount, you don’t know if he will inherit but you do know it will likely be split 6 ways and also inheritance tax which you haven’t mentioned so I’m guessing this is a lot less money that you think.

PinkButtercups · 26/09/2022 13:01

ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:20

The figure is hundreds of millions. But DP has no idea how much is coming to him. And he could be written out the will at any time, or the money could be lost of gambled.

I have had one conversation with my DP about this so he doesn't know how I feel, I just didn't know if I was being unreasonable to expect a small amount to improve our lives. His family live in a plain four bed flat.

Like you said he might not get anything so take it as he isn't because atm you're thinking and imagining situations that might not happen. You'll be very disappointed.

JudgeJ · 26/09/2022 13:03

ticklety · 26/09/2022 12:41

I never thought it may be a different currency but it very well may not be GBP. I cannot ask him because I don't want to bring this up with him again

Presumably you know where his family live and could look up the value of the currency.

lunar1 · 26/09/2022 13:04

I met someone years ago at a support group, because of the way she lost her husband she ended up with over 4 million in the bank. She couldn't ever bring herself to touch it and never saw it as hers.

We've been friends for 18 years, in all that time she hasn't touched a penny. The interest went to charity. She has remarried and has children and she still didn't use it.

She never wanted it and feels that if she spent the money she would benefit from his death. Her husband has never once has an expectation over the money. She's started giving lump sums to charities and will carry on until it's gone, she feels if she does that through her life it's keeping him in the world.

Inherited money, especially after a tragedy is very different to a lottery win. She has the same lottery win list as the rest of us.

Longdarkcloud · 26/09/2022 13:06

Your DP may be telling you this because he doesn’t want you to base your relationship on the prospect of your having an affluent lifestyle in the future.
If and when you marry and have children then his attitude is likely to change because he will want them to have a comfortable upbringing. Children who do not have access to disposable income and who feel deprived financially are usually unable to handle large windfalls eg lottery winners.
Try to put the info out of your mind lest it sour your relationship.
Remember it is the love of money that is the root of all evil not the money itself as the proverb is habitually misquoted

gretr · 26/09/2022 13:06

The family aren’t dead yet and you’re already spending the money on yourself and imaginary children!! If you disagree with how he wants to spend his money, the best thing you can do is break up as you’ll never agree financially in the future and it’s important in a relationship - just look at the money threads on here.

JuliaDorneys · 26/09/2022 13:09

Hmmm..

You both have the same vision until something happens and then it's clear that you don't.

If his relatives are Chinese, there may be many tax loopholes to jump through either in China or the UK. You cannot be sure that the millions he is expecting to receive will ever be his.

Also, if you have been dating for years, are you living together now?
Your posts suggest not because you talk about 'not being ready to settle'.

If you are both so committed why are you not settling down now?

If I were you I'd be having a serious think about if you really are compatible or if you are both just 'comfy' and your relationship is a habit but not going anywhere.

Money issues and a different opinion are one of the key reasons for divorce. You sound as if you will never agree on something rather important.

whythou111 · 26/09/2022 13:09

@ticklety it’s a classic wealthy family attitude to have I think. Best not to worry about it too much, try to think of it not as a future windfall but potentially a future safety net for you and your children if you have them. If and when you are more committed to each other you may find his approach changes, or you may not. He is possibly trying to preserve the integrity of your relationship by not overtly giving you a huge incentive to stay with him beyond love. Also, the Chinese economy is on the edge at the moment, in a few years it’s possible the family wealth could be hugely diminished. If either of you start factoring it into your decision making now, it could end up being regrettable.

EstellaRijnveld · 26/09/2022 13:10

You're gold digging traits have come out already and his famy are still alive.

Improve your earning prospects by getting a better paid job & earning more money. If you're struggling financially then sort yourself out instead of wanting to spend someone else's.

Anonymouslyposting · 26/09/2022 13:10

I do think with that amount of money there is an element of being a custodian of it for future generations. However, the reason you want to take care of it is so that those future generations can have good/easier lives and be able to do good with the money as well - I don’t see why that shouldn’t apply to you and your children as well and the money just sitting in an investment account or bank account is a waste.

I would want to pass down the full amount you inherited, plus some growth to account for inflation and ideally some additional growth on top of that. Anything above that I’d consider fair game to spend to build yourselves a good life. Personally, I’d want to quit my job and spend time with my kids while they are young then start working part time for charity once they were at school - perhaps if it really is hundreds of millions starting some kind of charitable trust for causes I care about that I could run.

Obviously, this is not your money so ultimately it’s your partner’s choice and you shouldn’t pressure him to spend it if he’s uncomfortable with it. But if my DH had anything like that amount of wealth and didn’t want us/our kids to have a comfortable life I’d question whether he was really the man for me.

Motherofalittledragon · 26/09/2022 13:13

Sounds like you want to get your hands on his money, gotta say you sound like a gold digger.

JuliaDorneys · 26/09/2022 13:13

I don't really have more details other than his father owned a very successful company worth hundreds of millions. It's manufacturing in China.

I thought you said it was his grandfather who owned it all?

So is his family Chinese? Is he from China or born in the UK?

Tink1989 · 26/09/2022 13:15

You sound grabby, if I was him and a partner was speaking the way you are then I would run for the hills. Who is to say you will even be together if/when the time comes that he inherits the money.

JuliaDorneys · 26/09/2022 13:15

Motherofalittledragon · 26/09/2022 13:13

Sounds like you want to get your hands on his money, gotta say you sound like a gold digger.

That's uncalled for.

If you marry someone with huge assets yet they refuse to spend them on their children (OP says they both want them) because they don't regard an inheritance as 'their' money to spend, that' s a pretty fundamental difference in opinion and nothing to do with digging for gold.

Cherryblossoms85 · 26/09/2022 13:15

I couldn't live with that. If it really is 100s or for that matter even 10s of millions, it would be silly not to expect to have a reasonable standard of living from it, give your children a nice childhood and a good education etc. Otherwise I wouldn't quite see the point of the partnership in life. I'd certainly be looking to generate a smallish income each year and then be able to work shorter hours, or in a more interesting job, and buy a house in a nice area. Those aren't unreasonable thoughts, no.

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/09/2022 13:16

Horrified reading this!
Shallow, potential gold digger

Shitfather · 26/09/2022 13:16