Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

[ticklety]

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

Did he actually say that?
He's inheriting tens of millions, but he won't benefit from it nor will his children? Sounds like a strange approach.....

He may feel differently when/if he actually has the money.

Also, I'd see a house as an investment - which can be passed down to children. So at the minimum I'd hope is a nice house to live in.

If that's really his intention, and he has every right to make this decision, I'd be considering whether I really want to have kids with someone who would watch them struggle through the years even though there is money sitting there.

Invest it, yes. But what's the point of passing money through generations never to be used or improve anyones life. At least live comfortably and not worry about debt.

Not your money not your business.

Well if your OP won’t buy a house mortgage free with some of the money and would prefer to pay interest to the bank then he is is an idiot - is that what he means by not spending any of it?!!

You're not grabby but you really do seem to come across as grabby from your posts so far. Paying you and your DP £30K salaries annually?!

I agree he may not have known about the inheritance or figures though.

Daydreaming/wondering about a nine year inheritance when you're the girlfriend of this man is a huge stretch especially in your late 20s. If you were engaged/married/had kids then yes. If I was your DP and knew you were 'wondering/daydreaming' about how to spend this inheritance and then not planning to work, I'd run a mile.

Exactly.

*partner not OP!

You've been dating a few years, not married, no kids? You have absolutely no business commenting on his or his parents' plans for any money they may have.

Given that you're asking this question (can I tell my partner how to use his money?), I'd advise him not to marry you. Grasping over the money that someone you're dating is going to inherit in future is not a good look.

For me, it wouldn't be about the money but about his lack of critical thinking skills and poor regard for his "new" family over his "old" family - its fine for the kids to go without and you both to work yourself crazy affording childcare and rent because God forbid his family know he spent the inheritance. That expectation to conform matters more than your and future kids.

His relative is still alive and you are not even married so don't count your chickens!

Quite, it would be unfortunate if these millions were in Vietnamese Dong or Iranian Rials, OP might have enough to buy a round of drinks and some bar snacks in a midrange bar.

Does he have any brothers 😜

Keep your nose out of it. He doesn’t have the money and your not his wife yet. A lot can happen once he 9 figures in the bank.

If this scenario is true, you can invest the inheritance, live off a safe withdrawal rate of 4% per year, and the capital will continue to grow to be there for the next generation.

but more pressingly, it sounds like you and your partner need to have a good conversation about money to ensure you actually are on the same page money-wise, regardless of any windfalls.

@iloveburmese3 a very lovely brother ;)

Financial incompatibility is a bad omen for the future of your relationship.

It does sound like you aren't compatible and could end up being subject to financial control from him.

It's irrelevant whether you're talking five to six figures or eight to nine. It won't end well.

So he won't spend the money but will invest it and give it all to his children? Will he expect them to spend it or do the same? What's the bloody point if nobody spends it?!

My first thought is "he will not marry you now" and if this is in the DM tomottow, you can wave goodbyr to you worries.

If you're at the "dating... not ready to settle" stage, then this really isn't any of your concern. You're imagining a future which might never be, which is fine to do in your head but leave it there.

If you're at the "dating... not ready to settle" stage, then this really isn't any of your concern. You're imagining a future which might never be, which is fine to do in your head but leave it there.

All I wanted was a fun life with a partner, kids, and some lovely memories.

And this hypothetical situation affects that how? You don’t need millions to achieve that.

I think this is a problem for another day, should it ever materialise. There's a lot of "we" going on here, I'd relax yourself with your £30k a year imaginary allowance and accept that not a penny of it, if it's even true, is yours.

Keep your head down and earn your own.

I had an ex whose father continuously dangled a carrot of 22 million over this poor souls had to make him work 6070 hours a week for nothing relatively speaking compare to what other CEOs would’ve been paid.

I delved a little bit deeper into what this 22 million might look like and actually it was entirely on paper profit it’s not actual physical money in the bank.

Did the ex thank me for saving him for another 30 years of sub servitude working below par within his organisation. Did he fuck apparently this proved that all I was after was the money in the first place, that didn’t exist 🙄

Fantasy family fortune frenzy.