Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

[ticklety]

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

I think it's normal to wonder and speculate about it as it's a life changing amount of money IF he ends up inheriting it. However, it means nothing at the moment so best to shelve the thoughts. If you think your DP has different ideas about money to you, this will come out in other ways, so maybe keep an eye on that to check you are financially compatible.

FWIW if it were me, I'd want to spend a fair amount making our lives comfortable and giving the DC a better life, as well as saving. It would be extreme to not spend any of it! And perhaps he'd change his mind but it's too abstract to him at the mo.

This is a bridge to cross at a later date.

For all you know the grandfather could leave the lot to a cat.

OP, there are many threads on here about how when you are married, all money is family money, but you seem to be getting the opposite opinion today. I would say that it is none of your business before you marry, and after that, it could well be sewn up in some sort of trust anyway.

I do agree that it would be daft to just pass it on to the next generation though without touching it. There should be some sort of compromise, so nice house, decent car, trust funds for DC etc, but you don't need to blow the lot. But only once married do you have an opinion on it, and even then it is still difficult.

8 figures? Does that include pence? 😃

I wouldn't overthink it at this point, better to pretend it doesn't exist. I would be saying though that you'd be uncomfortable not using some of that money to improve your children's lives when they are young - private school, paying for uni or whatever. Is he always tight or is it just this money he has issues with?

NC for this for obvious reasons.

I am due to inherit a very large amount, in the region of eight figures by the time it’s split amongst the grandchildren. However, it needs to go to my parents first and then my siblings and me.

We’ve led a comfortable life but we are certainly by no means rolling in it in our day to to day life. My brothers and I all have careers and I balance being a working mum like anyone else.

My husband knows about the inheritance but we don’t talk about it and we don’t make any plans around it. The way I see it, it’s my grandparents’ money, and then at some point it may be my parents’ money. And then one day it could be ours. Once it is, we will decide then how we want to live or what we want to do.

So honestly, you are being very grabby. If my husband had this attitude when I told him about it, I would have questioned his motives. In fact, I had an ex who when he found out, starting making all sorts of plans and setting up businesses in my family’s name in order to set up somewhat of a brand. We didn’t last and his grabbiness was a big reason why.

It’s not your money and it’s not your partner’s money. Back off.

Is that 100 million GBP?

Because for example 100,000,000 Dong is only £3000.

Is this the plot of Crazy Rich Asians?

Beware OP. You are finding out something very important about your future relationship here.

I went on a pre-marriage course (compulsory where I was at the time) where we were taught for one session by an experienced divorce lawyer. He was brilliant.

He went through the usual reasons people end up seeing him. Sex and children were important but having different attitudes to money was very high on the list!

He showed us this by giving us deceptively simple questionnaires to fill in and then let us compare our answers with that of our own fiancé's. The noise level in the room rose to astonishing degrees as couples found things they assumed about each other's priorities were really wrong. There was much discussion at home that week. (Not all of us returned to the class :) )

You're getting ahead of yourself - you don't even know what the currency is and like others have pointed out there is a massive difference between GBP, yen, dong etc

You're expecting it to be GBP but considering what you've said their lifestyles are like it being in yen would make more sense. If they really have hundreds of millions would they really be living modest lifestyles in flats?

All I wanted was a fun life with a partner, kids, and some lovely memories.

What’s stopping you from having this?

A million Chinese yuan is equal to £129,449.80 . So those millions would translate to hundreds of thousands.

Don’t give it another thought. They might lose it all between now and then, they might need expensive care for years, they might decide to leave it to someone else or your children rather than you. You might split up with your dip.

this is only possible future money rather than savings

There was an almost identical thread on this a few days ago. Filthy rich MIL and FIL slept on couches when visiting, booked very cheap youth hostels, wouldn't let the OP stay in accommodation more than £25 per night etc.

DP was 'unexpectedly' due to inherit multi millions but it had to be passed on to children and not spent.

It's all very similar to this post.

OP perhaps you could look it up - there was some useful replies.

its strange. If you skip the parents to pass it on to the children, presumably they're also instructed to pass it on. So nobody ever spends it?

And if there is that much wealth I'd be suprrised the grandparents/parents aren't offering to help out with OP if as they say they live below average income? how does it help not spending and then when you inherit not spending anything to pass it on to kids when they've grown up, while their upbringing itself may be difficult

It is like him winning the lottery when you never bought a ticket. Whilst it is not unreasonable to dream of some of the money benefiting you, you are absolutely unreasonable to expect it or think you have some of claim to it. Marriage doesn’t work that way!

I would just not think about it anymore. It might never happen like you say. There's no saying what's going to happen to the money from now until some possible date when your DP may inherit some.

It's best not to think about it too because subconsciously, you may put up with things/do things you wouldn't normally do in order to maintain the relationship.

I think like a pp said, he's probably testing you to see if you are a golddigger. Just stop thinking about the money.

I say don't count your or his chickens until they hatch. Ultimately its not his money until he inherits it. His grandad could leave it to a cattery. If and when he inherits its his money. If I was him I would protect my interests and have a pre or post nuptial agreement. I would ensure that my families money is inherited by my children.

That did cross my mind too.

If you were to marry and then divorce, he'd need a shit-hot lawyer to stop you getting your hands on that money. legally, any joint money is yours if he brought it to the table when you married. He can't ringfence it. (I've looked into this as our DCs may be taking a lot more into a marriage than their partners.)

Even with a pre-nup which is not a legal document in the UK (but can carry a little bit of weight) he'd be hard pushed to hold onto it if you had children and you had the major care for them.

You could also argue that living a life where you had to be very careful with money (as you are now) when there was a lot in the bank, it could be seen as very unreasonable behaviour and also very controlling.

There are also many examples of where celebs do not give away their inheritances to their kids, as they prefer them to make their own way in life. That doesn't mean they didn't give them a superb education etc, costing tens of thousands. But they stopped short of handing over 8-figure inheritances.

So your partner's idea of giving it all to any children (but not using it for himself) is rather odd to say the least. One rule for him, one rule for them. When they inherit, he will have no control over what they do with it.

For, I 'd feel it was immoral to stash money away and not allow my spouse and children to benefit from it, only to leave it to adult kids when I was dead.

Just such a weird way of living.

If you were to be married then yes for most people it would be in the family pot - as a girlfriend / DP - you are entitled to none of it except what DP chooses to give you . BUT - not a good reason to get married.

I would absolutely expect that money to last for generations. But if wisely invested it could well do both.

Working on the assumption it's GBP/dollars/AUD or whatever so that 8 figures is a significant sum, you're in a similar situation to some of the Oxbridge colleges. They have large endowments which are managed to provide an income but also ensure the endowment grows such that income will be provided for the college at a rate which increases in line with inflation for perpetuity.

They generally use a 3% drawdown rate to achieve this.

I.e. if you have £1,000,000 invested, you would take £30k of income each year. The investments should give (say) an 8% return so the following year you would have £1,050,000 invested and would get £31,500 at 3% and so on and so forth.

This would allow your DP to ensure it provides for the family in perpetuity while also taking an income from it. With such a lot of money it might be better off in trust as inheritance taxes will be a whopper but trust inheritance taxes have been made more and more rigorous over the last 25 years so you would need specialist tax advice.

As the money is overseas and there are other family involve don’t count any chickens at all, there could be nothing coming your way. So just carry on and make the best life you can with what you’ve got.

To make it REALLY clear you would be MASSIVELY unreasonable to expect anything

HTH