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Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

228 replies

YellowRedBlueGreen · 24/09/2022 16:56

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

OP posts:
Peridot1 · 24/09/2022 16:58

Sounds lovely! I think lots of people do similar if they are on their own. I probably would too. Or go somewhere nice and hot for a week of winter sunshine.

Lollypop701 · 24/09/2022 16:58

sounds like bliss tbh!

NiqueNique · 24/09/2022 16:59

It sounds fantastic.

NanaNelly · 24/09/2022 17:02

It sounds fabulous Op. It takes a lot of courage to step outside of the mainstream at times like Christmas and I think you’ll have a lovely time.

PuddleglumtheMarshWiggle · 24/09/2022 17:02

Sounds great!
Do what you enjoy and never mind what anyone else thinks. If this is what makes you happy then make the most of it. Enjoy your winter beach walks. It's the kind of thing I'd enjoy too.
hope you get a good bargain in the sales too.

BeyondMyWits · 24/09/2022 17:03

Sounds like bliss!

I'm a Christmas martyr... dh, dds 20 and 22, MIL with dementia, any relatives who will be alone... dog, goldfish... etc. Just because "we've always done it that way"...

Grass isn't always greener on the other side...

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 24/09/2022 17:03

Sounds wonderful OP!

If you want a bit of company, come back on this thread or start another.
I feel sure that many MNetters would love to chat with you about how you're enjoying your Christmas.

There will be quite a few who would love a little natter then.

Saucery · 24/09/2022 17:03

That sounds fantastic! We used to do similar as a small family unit, just to get away from all the large family parties, commercialism etc and it was wonderful.
Celebrate Christmas exactly as you want to - far too many people don’t and end up hating it or finding it stressful.
Midwinter holiday period for treating ourselves and quiet contemplation, is how we see it.
I have a friend who books into a hotel somewhere scenic that she loves when it’s not her turn to have her dc. Staying at home would be miserable, she says, so she does something for herself. She’s never the only one on her own there, either.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 24/09/2022 17:04

It isn’t sad, OP. It’s Christmas and down for you to enjoy it as you wish. When I was single I wanted to do this but somehow ended up never getting round to it. I did have Christmas Day on my own with just my dogs for company on occasion and it was strangely lovely. Boxing Day has always been a day to go to the cinema for me - maybe add this to your plan?

One thing I would say though is you don’t need to write off plan A just because you are 38. When I was 38 I met DP and before my 41st birthday we had a baby DD. She is now nearly 9 and we are still together doing the traditional plan A. If I had a friend who was going to be on their own I would definitely invite them over, even if they didn’t want to spend Christmas Day with us there are plenty of opportunities for catching up over Christmas.

Whataretheodds · 24/09/2022 17:04

Sounds great. If you did want company there will be some walking short breaks organised by groups that will show on meetup (or indeed over new year or in between)

KylieCharlene · 24/09/2022 17:05

You say you've always wanted to be by the sea in Winter and you are going to your favourite place- why see this as a plan B?
If you really want a special someone to spend Christmas with then why not work towards this happening for future Christmases rather than looking on the bleak side this year and appreciating what you actually have planned- which sounds blissful.

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 24/09/2022 17:05

That sounds bloody brilliant and I am jealous. I hope you really enjoy the space and the freedom doing your things your way ❤

Heyahun · 24/09/2022 17:05

its perfect !! We go away every other Christmas use the time off work as time to go on holiday - we usually fly Christmas Day to skip the day all together 🙈 I love spending my Xmas day watching films on a flight and having a nap and a few drinks tbh 😂😂😂

waterlego · 24/09/2022 17:09

That honestly sounds like a wonderful way to spend Christmas. I have a partner and children who I love very much, and a nice extended family, but I find Christmas hard for other reasons, and would almost certainly prefer taking some windswept walks alone to sitting in my MIL’s stiflingly hot, crowded living room surrounded by Christmas excess.

I hope that doesn’t sound too insensitive given that you seem to be someone who might like to share Christmas with a partner or family. But yours really does sound like a lovely plan.

Enjoy your Christmas break. 💐

YesitsBess · 24/09/2022 17:09

It sounds perfect to me!

I spend every other Christmas alone (family thing, we are either all at home or all abroad/doing our own thing) and I love the ones alone just as much. I completely hear you on being near the sea!

Maybe this year, carefully choose and wrap a present for yourself?

upinaballoon · 24/09/2022 17:10

Christmas is much spoiled by the silly OTT celebrating of it from September until Dec 20th, with a couple of weeks diverted for a bit of Hallowe'en frenzy.

I don't think it's pathetic to spend it in a low-key way. A bit of walking on the shore sounds lovely.
You won't be filing for divorce on 28th Dec or arguing about who's having the kids.

ohfook · 24/09/2022 17:12

Sounds lovely. I have a friend who did not enjoy Christmas at all until he started going away alone every year to a beach resort. Now he loves it - but only because he did something to suit himself.

YellowRedBlueGreen · 24/09/2022 17:13

Wishihadanalgorithm · 24/09/2022 17:04

It isn’t sad, OP. It’s Christmas and down for you to enjoy it as you wish. When I was single I wanted to do this but somehow ended up never getting round to it. I did have Christmas Day on my own with just my dogs for company on occasion and it was strangely lovely. Boxing Day has always been a day to go to the cinema for me - maybe add this to your plan?

One thing I would say though is you don’t need to write off plan A just because you are 38. When I was 38 I met DP and before my 41st birthday we had a baby DD. She is now nearly 9 and we are still together doing the traditional plan A. If I had a friend who was going to be on their own I would definitely invite them over, even if they didn’t want to spend Christmas Day with us there are plenty of opportunities for catching up over Christmas.

No mate, I'm definitely done with relationships. Someone telling me to try and fire one up now would be like giving me a pair of 5 inch heels and telling me to run the London marathon. Always up for new friends but another partner, no. I'm done with it.

I love your cinema idea though! Will google what's on when I'm there. Hopefully something with Tom Hanks as I adore him x

OP posts:
MrsMitford3 · 24/09/2022 17:13

It sounds fantastic!!

Def not plan B-sounds like Plan A+ to me!!

Well done for doing something about it instead of letting it make you feel shit-hoping for a brilliant week for you.

And you can have my first Happy Christmas!

Lottapianos · 24/09/2022 17:14

Sounds absolutely lovely, nothing sad about it. I hear you though - Christmas is shoved down your throat from October, and if you're not in a family with children, it can feel really isolating and suffocating. I actively look forward to January!

I think if you struggle with Christmas, for whatever reason, the thing to do is please yourself as much as possible. That might be ignoring it completely, or taking the bits you do enjoy and ditching the rest. Good luck to you, and please know you are not alone in feeling this way

Flangelasashes · 24/09/2022 17:14

God, I would LOVE that! Sounds perfect.

Trulyweird1 · 24/09/2022 17:15

That would suit me so well, just my own happy dogs running in the sea.

Christmas is such a farce, it’s fine to have a holiday etc, but so few of us have any thoughts of church etc, so why not enjoy it as you please.

I love a laid back Christmas, can’t be bothered with gifts I don’t need . Just want to eat fine things, read a book or two and get out with my own little family.

YesitsBess · 24/09/2022 17:15

@YellowRedBlueGreen hahahahaaa. You sound like my kind of person, if it’s south coast cliffs I’ll come and join you for a Boxing Day walk if you like!

YellowRedBlueGreen · 24/09/2022 17:17

upinaballoon · 24/09/2022 17:10

Christmas is much spoiled by the silly OTT celebrating of it from September until Dec 20th, with a couple of weeks diverted for a bit of Hallowe'en frenzy.

I don't think it's pathetic to spend it in a low-key way. A bit of walking on the shore sounds lovely.
You won't be filing for divorce on 28th Dec or arguing about who's having the kids.

Yeah and there's always some arsehole in the charts singing about how you're "nothing if nobody loves you at Christmas" or some shit. Fuck off 😫 give me that fucking ocean!

OP posts:
HauntersGonnaHaunt · 24/09/2022 17:18

Sounds better than listening to my FILs shit stories for 5 hours straight on Christmas day.