Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

[YellowRedBlueGreen]

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

I get what you mean about the ' forced ' joy of the cornflake family Christmas but while this is true for some it absolutely isn't the reality for lots of others .
I think your Christmas sounds lovely , very indulgent and lots of self care .
Are you estranged from family ? Not everyone is coupled up , one of my friends has no family in this country so she volunteers at a shelter Xmas day and then meets friends for a meal in the evening . Lots of people have an ' alternative' Christmas .

I think you're being optimistic about the weather. Do you really want to walk by the sea when it's cold and raining? I'd either plan to stay inside or to go abroad to somewhere warmer.

I feel you! I have a friend who I only see every now and then, once every couple of years and EVERY time she's like "have you got a boyfriend... yet?" She means well. But fuck off. I'm not last in the race because I'm single 🙄

sounds good to me . I’m sure lots of people who aren’t on their own would prefer this option too xx

Ahhh, God’s own country! ❤️

Sounds like a great plan....could you invest in your own happy dog to walk on the beach? Could be the perfect partner after so many previous let downs...x

Sounds perfect to me! Isn't it sad that so many adult women still seem to think their lives are incomplete without a relationship. Striving for one and trying to convince yourself that a make-do less than ideal man is who you want to spend your life with wastes so much time you could spend appreciating life. So many women are opting to be single now because they are happier and tbh, the way DH has been carrying on of late, I wish I was one of them!

Actually made me laugh out loud in public.

Sounds awesome! The whole family Christmas shite can be just that, shite! Lol. Many, many people on here would love to do what you are going to do instead of being bogged down with commitments. Christmas should be about relaxing and enjoying things, not pressure.

It sounds wonderful. And though I had a few years of really lonely shitty Christmases where everyone in my family was loved up except me, and my mum made me feel like an irritation because I didn't 'fit', as I was a single person aroudn the table, by far the worst Christmas I ever had was with a shitty ex-partner. The highest call for divorce lawyers and domestic violence helplines is after Christmas, so lots and lots of people aren't living the advert dream. To have the freedom to choose how to spend that week, to enjoy it your onw way is very empowering.

DH did exactly that one Christmas. He was very unhappily single but decided to have a great time all alone. Got himself some food, music and books he wanted, and allowed himself to have fun alone. A week into the New Year we met and he was a positive, fascinating man. He admitted to me that if we'd met a few weeks earlier it might not have worked out as he felt bitter and sad and lonely but that week of deciding to enjoy himself by himself put him in a different frame of mind. I'm not saying this to imply that's the ideal happy ending,. just to say that it worked at making him feel better about his life, and even if we hadn't met, he'd still have been more upbeat and in control of how he lived.

Think this whole plan sounds wonderful! Sounds like it's going to be full of lots of self care and doing things that enrich you & your heart x

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

It reads to me as if you are being very hard on yourself if you really think this. I do hope not. Pleasing only yourself isn't second best in my book, it really the ideal way. If there are any judgemental thoughts in your head clear 'em out so they don't get a chance to spoil your time off.

Christmas doing exactly what you want to do is the jackpot. Your holiday by the sea sounds fabulous.

Do lots of research and find out what is going to happen around you. You might even consider whether you might prefer a more buzzy area. Chinatown in London and other areas where lots of people don't celebrate Christmas will have loads of things open.

Food and drink are the obvious things to treat yourself. Nothing is ruled out as impractical or too expensive. For yourself, you can arrange anything. Stay in or have a walk. Join in a Parkrun or carol service or whatever you fancy.

Have lots and lots of possibilities that you could do if the feeling moves you. There is nothing more luxurious that not doing something, because you would rather do something else. It's more more fun than not having any plans.

The usual rules about diet and exercise just don't apply on this holiday. You can live off crisps and dip on the couch or spend lots of time outdoors to tire yourself out. Or dive off fillet steak and salad. Whatever takes your fancy.

One tip that always works for me is to tell a few white lies about your plans.

People seem to hate the idea of being on one's own at Christmas. It's a lot easier to say 'I'm going to stay with x' than to say i don't have any plans. Normally im all for ho early, but lots of people will have an opinion about you doing exactly what you want (jealousy?) that's why I excuse myself for keeping that info from them.

'Brilliant.

Sounds utterly heavenly

Oh, and consider why there is so much pressure in creating the 'perfect Christmas' for others. Might it just possibly be another way that women get stuck with work inside the home while others are on holiday.

Enjoy your own treats.

No that sounds lovely to me. I love watching the sea in winter. I think I’d also consider going on holiday alone somewhere and just escaping from the OTT ness of Christmas!

@YellowRedBlueGreen I was single for a good 10 years and every time I saw a certain person he would always ask "you got a man yet? ". Imagine how fucking boring that got!! Absolute bellend.

This sounds way better than my Christmas with the in law's and all of my family of alcoholics joining in. Sigh, doing it for the kids.

Coastal walks, someone cooking a good dinner for you, reading books, peace and quiet. Yes sounds fab. Don't feel shit.

Woman after my own heart.
We do Christmas in threes.
One year massive, all the family and randoms.
One year smallish family unit
Third year which is my favourite, up to a week in a cottage by the sea with my dogs. Usually Northumberland sometimes Scotland, less often Wales. Food delivered by nearest good shop or Amazon or Tesco. Easy meals that take no effort. Always have a fabulous time , I'm sure you will too.

Sounds absolutely brilliant to me

I think it sounds great. So many people just do what is expected of them at xmas, get caught up in it all.

If you really want a special someone to spend Christmas with then why not work towards this happening for future Christmases rather than looking on the bleak side this year and appreciating what you actually have planned- which sounds blissful

I know this poster meant well, but honestly.... clueless. You can't just "work towards" meeting a special someone to spend Christmas with. It doesn't work like that.
And also if someone has clearly said they don't want another relationship then that should be respected.

Anyway, just wanted to say that if you like books I've made my Christmases alone a bit nicer by buying some books, say in October, wrapping them up and then shoving them under the tree. It's so nice as I've normally forgotten what I bought so it's a surprise and you get to unwrap something and then have books to read over the Christmas period.

This year, though, will be the first time in 8 years I've spent Christmas with others as I've met 3 lovely, new friends - they are all single and they often spend Christmas together. We are musical and will be playing music together in a church on Christmas Eve. Really looking forward to it.

We live by the sea and walk on the beach almost every day of the year. We often have beautiful weather around Christmas. Usually cold, obviously, but not necessarily wet.

And lots of people go in the sea on Christmas/Boxing day (including my DH and DD)- They don’t stay in for long but it’s always a great atmosphere.

As you know where you will be . Why not investigate any churches / homeless shelters / places that give a Christmas dinner to the needy . You could volunteer your time and will probably have a nice time to boot maybe even a dinner

Fucking hell that sounds amazing.

Enjoy.

@YellowRedBlueGreen
feeding the squirrels is so kind, I think they deserve brazils as it’s Christmas, that’s what I buy for them won’t bother with the finest Italian chestnuts again though as they couldn’t be bothered to peel them 😂
and your break sounds great