Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

[YellowRedBlueGreen]

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

😍 You're giving me ideas OP! Sounds amazing and I would absolutely do the same myself.
I'm fed up of the family politics, prep and keeping everyone happy. Just do what makes you happy.
You're right though, there is something about Christmas Day, the expectation. I hate expectations, just end up disappointed!

Sounds absolutely bloody wonderful. I wish I could do it.

You are going with someone else though!

There will be plenty of people with husbands who won't be cooking nice meals and wrapping lovely gifts for each other-many of them will be pissed, sulking and feeling hard done by.

They would happily ditch their husband/wife and do what you're doing-it would be a dream for them- so bloody good luck to and have a wonderful time.

Small suggestion for next year- buy some treats throughout the year, especially early in the year and pack them/store them in a sack (so you don't see them as you add the new items in).
Enjoy rediscovering them as a gift to yourself next Christmas.

It's a great time to have a holiday. As is, doing voluntary work or holidaying in a country that doesn't do Christmas.

It sounds like the start of a romantic Christmas movie, be prepared to meet a charming stranger who will teach you the true meaning of christmas

One of my favourite Christmas memories was the one I spent completely alone. I was at uni in the UK as a foreign student. I could have gone to stay with a "Commonwealth" family but decided not to as too weird. Instead I bought a book to read that day, went to my favourite deli and bought a nice loaf of bread, some excellent butter and a tub of taramasalata and made that my Christmas dinner. I went for a walk and it snowed which was lovely. The residence was pretty much completely empty so it was very very peaceful. My one concession to doing something British that day (other than reading a book....) was someone suggested I had to watch a tv show that was on...The Snowman. It was great.

Chuff me, that sounds amazing, I’m actually jealous 👍🏻

I have spent Christmases alone and never felt like shit. I love having a nice array of food, classic/old holiday movies, and other treats; the day always went by far to quickly. Hot chocolate with a small glass of Chambord on the side for breakfast, a luxurious shower with spa products, comfortable loungewear, a few logs in the fireplace, champagne. Maybe talk to a few loved ones by phone for a few minutes.

One tip for those who expect to be alone, if you have the funds: In the next few weeks, order some treats -- a couple of new books, cosmetics, craft supplies, magazines, jewelry, DVDs, clothing accessories or whatever indulgences work for you.

When the packages arrive, do not open them.

Put them in a box under your bed or something and try to forget about them. (It's best if you do this earlier in the year so you really do forget, but here we are at the end of September -- there's still time.) On Christmas Eve, pull them out and without opening the external packaging, slap on a ribbon or bow, or pop them into multiple gift bags. That way you'll have something to open on Christmas Day and some new little treats to play with. It does perk up the day.

Oops, I posted similarly before seeing yours. Great idea to pop them into a gift sack immediately.

It sounds pretty perfect to me.

I do have family, but we shook things up last year. We went for a walk in the morning ; to an Indian restaurant for lunch, and only bought one present each, costing no more than £25, for the secret Santa.

It was lovely to get rid of all the materialism.

This sounds like a dream christmas, and I’m happily married! Take a lovely candle and light it in the daytime, some lovely chocolate and bubble bath and red wine… bliss.

Always remember that all these happy couples aren’t really all happy. I see this amongst my friends. Also I have friends with no family at all either. Most people have their own problems! People get swept away with the expectation to be happy so they tell themselves they are. A lot are genuinely happy of course (single people and couples).

I have an elderly housebound Mum & uncles/Auties that live far away so I will just be at home with my DD & Ddog - I’m also retired from boyfriends!

it’s just 1 day, let yourself feel however you want then it’s all over!

Your plan sounds amazing - really lovely!

I honestly think the last two Christmas times being 'unusual' has given people a chance to see that actually you don't have to do what you have always done year in, year out.
We had the last two years just the four of us instead of putting up with extended family boring us.
We met up with mates Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day too. Was great.
The compulsion to over buy, over eat, forced jollity was gone. It was great.
Your plan sounds a hundred times better. I'm quite jealous.

It sounds lovely and enviable, in my opinion.

It sounds great. I hate Christmas, my DP died years ago, I couldn’t ever be with anyone else and I get bloody face ache from the fixed smile saying how wonderful everything is when I really, really don’t want to do Christmas.
Your plan sounds positive. One day I’ll do the same.

Sounds lovely op. This is where I spent last Christmas Day, it’s where I live but it was very nice and very quiet..I could walk out quite far on the ocean too!

If you like dogs, any chance of getting a dog of your own?

A spare prick 🤣. Brilliant.

It sounds wonderful! Much better than feeling like a charity case at someone's boring Christmas. all your friends will be jealous when you tell them what you are doing. And do treat yourself and enjoy every second. Live your life for you.

Good plan. I've been checking out so Xmas hols! But even they have what I suspect is forced jollity.

Are you OP thinking if a hotel, or self catering thing?

Sounds great . Christmas can be a proper nightmare. You've planned for it you're prepared for it .Sounds good to me . It's just a day really isn't it !

No mate, I'm definitely done with relationships. Someone telling me to try and fire one up now would be like giving me a pair of 5 inch heels and telling me to run the London marathon. Always up for new friends but another partner, no. I'm done with

@YellowRedBlueGreen I applaud you both for this and your Christmas plans.

For deeply personal reasons I have decided that I shall no longer seek a relationship and was telling a close female friend of that decision and my reasons why. I nearly fell through the floor when her response was, "oh don't say that, you might still meet someone!". Sadly there are still folk around who define you by your relationship status and I'm starting to find it demeaning. My views were somehow overlooked and dismissed.

Have a wonderful Christmas and return home energised and fit!

I think it sounds like a lovely Christmas OP, but it wouldn't do for me becauseI love company. I'd volunteer for feeding the homeless or invite a whole load of acquaintances or others in the same position as me and have a riotous time playing stupid games....

Fabulous I don’t blame you. first Christmas alone no. grumpiness to put up with so yes favourite films food throws.Old fashioned traditional stuff the tree goes up Christmas Eve, Tudor music played 0r York Waites.

Surely this is a 'you do you'? If what you describes fills you with joy then why not?
I didn't get married until I was 40, but never felt Christmas was lonely because I spent it with my family (parents and siblings).
I'm a widow now (since my kids were small) and due to covid haven't been able to see my family since Christmas 2019 (they live abroad and my parents have passed on a few years ago too). So part of me is lonely at Christmas now as I feel the need to celebrate with the usual bells and whistles for my kids and I love it - until they eventually disappear on their phones and it's me, a glass of wine and a mess.
I am saving up for next year - 2023 we plan on visiting family again.