Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

[YellowRedBlueGreen]

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

I think it sounds wonderful. Go for it!

Yes. I'm very outdoorsy and I don't give a flying wank about cold weather. Winter by the sea equals character. I hate summer. If it ain't snowing... I ain't going!

I've had too many December holidays spoilt by doing what other people expected of me - from cooking my least favourite meat to accommodating and/or staying with people that bore me (at best).
For the last few years I've done what IIIIII want to do.
Good on you OP.

@YellowRedBlueGreen
Umm, not sure if you WILL be alone.. you've started something now, everyone here wants to come! :-)
I'm widowed (and definitely not looking to meet anyone else) and have kids at home, two are ASD & the youngest will only mix with us, so it's not possible to go to anyone else's house & vice versa. We make it great, just do as we please, just as you are going to do!
North Yorks is amazing, I hope you have some lovely conversations with fellow Christmas beach walkers, I hope your food is yummy & your books have the BEST plots!
The perfect leather jacket & great jeans are waiting in the sales.. :-)

Blimey, I have a loving family and I’d rather do that! Self care, doing what you love, and nurturing yourself with nice food and wine beats peeling 10lbs of potatoes and teenagers glued to new gadgets any day of the year. You enjoy it

Well I'm not going to join in the chorus of 'it sounds wonderful wish I could' because that's quite patronising. I'm happy to be spending it with dh and the teens, we always do and we do our own thing.
My dm is widowed and chooses to spend Christmas as she wants from what's available to her - she watches rubbish telly, eats weird Christmas food she never would, and then comes round Boxing Day for tea and presents. That's not what she wants - she wants my dad here.
Choosing the most appealing option to you, even if what you really want isn't available, is definitely the right thing to do. You know you have invitations so choosing a solo outdoorsy day sounds good.

Sounds bloody idyllic, OP. I think it's easy to forget how bloody miserable Christmas can be for people with families. Don't believe the hype!

Sounds bloody perfect. Enjoy every minute.

Thanks mate - brutal but I appreciate honesty x

That sounds wonderful.

I'm often on my own at Christmas the last few years (I hate gatecrashing other peoples Christmas if I've have a pity invite) and I just end up lolling around in my PJs, watching TV and getting my own body weight in mince pies.

I wish I had your get-up-and-go!

Uh excuse me.

It does sound fantastic. And saying so isn’t patronising.

I think that sounds perfect. We all celebrate in different ways and to be able to spend a week in a beautiful place, doing things your way, sounds truly amazing.

Good for you!

And I’m not saying that from the perspective of someone who martyrs herself at Christmas and puts up with a load of shit from irritating, piss taking family! I have always done Christmas exactly as I wanted, so I didn’t answer from the viewpoint of just wanting an out from the opposite scenario.

Of course being alone when you don’t want to be is really shitty. No one’s pretending it isn’t.

But making a plan to do something that feeds your soul and gives you pleasure is a great idea, and as OP set it out it’s my idea of heaven. So that’s what I said in reply to OP’s question.

Must say we try and keep Christmas as simple as possible. When we see the spending and boozing and commercialism I can feel sympathy with Oliver Cromwell. How far we have come from a baby born in poverty in a stable!

I knew some one who went to Agadir, Morocco every Xmas as she did not like all the fuss and hype - she really liked it - no Xmas at all.

Your Christmas sounds fab, OP! Others’ Christmases may not be all you think. I love my husband but he can’t do gifts. I get nothing at all. My sons aren’t brilliant either. I always feel I’ve bought and cooked and wrapped for everyone else and usually feel pretty unloved and pissed off. Next year I might follow your lead.

Another here to say that sounds really lovely and I don't see how that's patronising!

I have pre schoolers so that wouldn't be an option for me (without royally stitching up their dad!) but it sounds genuinely dreamy to enjoy such a peaceful and indulgent Christmas completely on your own terms. I don't see a Christmas surrounded by lots of others people as superior to one spent alone (as per the definition of patronising). Like so many other women of my age, I find a traditional Christmas a bit of a ballache and would gladly duck out every year.

Nothing like walking on the beach in Winter. The wind in your face ,the waves crashing.... its one of the best feelings.
Enjoy OP 😀

Love the sound of your Christmas. Sounds perfect.
My dh plays with his Christmas lego while sinking a bottle of Southern Comfort. Dd is 15 and slopes off upstairs as soon as she can.
I always watch crap Christmas TV.
We lock the door, invite noone round and eat pizza for dinner.

Not everyone does Christmas.

Honestly - who cares?! I don’t mean that in a horrible way, just that if you want to do something that will make you happy, then do! You’re not hurting anyone, Christmas means different things to everyone, like birthdays etc. as long as you’re not breaking the law, I’m not sure anyone would be affected by how you want to spend your holiday time.

Dear OP, Please can I come too ???

Sounds amazing,
Don't buy into the whole happy family nonsense. Most people would do anything to avoid seeing their in laws, having to run around after the family with no rest or not have to cook for masses of people.
It's all swings and roundabouts. Grass is always greener, do what make you happy x

It’s the Christmas you want, so it’s perfect, @YellowRedBlueGreen.

It doesn't sound like a pathetic Christmas. If that is what you enjoy doing embrace it.
It wouldn't be for me, I would feel quite lonely and would enjoy being with friends and extended family even if I hadn't got what you describe as plan A.

You might try and reframe your situation to yourself though.

You sound like you think you're life isn't good enough to be a plan A but it is. Start by loving yourself now and enjoying yourself, don't measure your life success as to whether you are in a relationship or have children.

I think it sounds great OP
I am single but dread family obligations at xmas. However, mum would be beyond upset if I did something else, so that's my Xmas Eve and Day and then I get to leave on Boxing Day. Mum used to go on about how hard it was to have us leave on Boxing Day but I think she might have stopped - famous last words - now she realises how annoying it is.

I dislike the way Xmas is presented, there's no other day that there's so much pressure not to be alone or to leave anyone else alone. But it means nothing to me.

I think not having something you really want is hard at any time but for some reason, that time of year makes things worse. I really miss the days when chunks of xmas were spent with friends. Now my best friend goes away with family for the full 12 nights and my friends are very very few. I always work if the option is there.