Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

[YellowRedBlueGreen]

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

I was coming onto here to ask if anyone spent Christmas on their own and had any ideas - I'm so glad I found this lovely thread!!

I'm single by choice, have a 21yo DS living at home who does his own thing (probably working). Last Christmas was shite for family reasons so this year I've made it clear I'm opting out of the whole shebang and will be politely turning down invites (so I don't again feel like a charity case as a pp said!).

My loose plan is to drive to the local countryside for a bracing walk, then home for a 'luxury' ready meal, lots of wine and snacks and a 'various' buffet for tea. Watch box sets or films, read, journal, write, do my nails - basically exactly what I want.

I love the idea of buying some small gifts to 'open' on the day!

I thought about a holiday and I might still do one but I'm more inclined to do that in January as I really struggle that month. I looked at a cruise (recently done one as a solo traveller and can highly recommend it) but it looked like it would be full of families and Santa so not really my thing.

Your day sounds amazing op and I hope you have a great time!!

Sounds perfect. I'm a single parent to teens, and whilst I'm not looking forward to them leaving home as such, I have thought about what my own Christmas would look like and I know I'll enjoy it. Just remember that social media or social events are just a snap shot. Every family has a big row at Christmas and there's always someone is a grump at some point. Enjoy the peace.

(And as for your plan A & B - I was most happiest once I stopped thinking about what life was meant to look like.)

@Always4Brenner You can fill your own hamper at F&M so you can choose exactly what suits you.

Most jobs I've had I volunteer to be the one covering the office as it's always quiet in there

Best time of the year, IMO. No phones, no emails, hardly any colleagues and push off early.

OP - I'm long term single from choice and have done Xmas alone for years (most of family dead or other side of the world). When people ask me what I'm doing I say something vague like 'going to brother's,' order in M&S food, decent wine, check for the TV I want to watch and have a pile of books to read. Utter bliss.

You can make your own hamper up. Or there's these. I always fancy an F&M but never organised enough to go and get it.

www.fortnumandmason.com/hampers/alcohol-free-hampers-gift-boxes

It sounds nice.

I've spent quite a few Christmases alone, I always volunteered for a good chunk of the day and then popped over to a friend's house for an hour or two later in the day. I actually loved it. The volunteering made the day amazing. I did six hours as a Samaritan from 6-12 on quite a few of the years (I was already one year-round) and it was incredible, some of the best Christmases I've ever had. Enjoy your day!

@YellowRedBlueGreen your Christmas sounds blissful - you will be the envy of many!

North Yorkshire is where I spent most of my childhood Christmases - watching huge waves - going for blustery cliff walks - exploring the delightfully faded seaside town in its winter colours. Your plans are making me feel a little homesick!

Yes to volunteering. You will feel good for doing it and so even more able to enjoy the peace and pleasure of the rest of your week.

Brilliant thanks so much next year definitely. I’m clearing debts all next year but will save from January for a luxury Christmas.

My presents have started to arrive the bond novels, put away the joy of opening those Christmas Day is priceless. Closure on a huge chapter of my life toxic family forever gone.

@Always4Brenner That’s a lovely goal for next year!

Thank you it will be a hard 18 month quicker than normal I want rid of these debts due to bastard scammer so no big treats just every spare penny and Christmas saving I must have that as each month goes by I’ll feel better I’ve already started any government money will go towards those debts a bed fridge freezer bulk buy pasta sauce I can’t chop veg so frozen will do. I’ll get by any spare is being used for this. I’m not having my life ruined by this.

I admire those who motivate themselves to do this sort of stuff. I'm often alone on Christmas Day thanks to having a family that works in social care/NHS and my day involves orange truffle Bailey's, Muppet Christmas Carol, nap, four Christmases, nap (thanks to Bailey's) and then finishing cooking and Christmas with the Cranks film. I await the Tesco offers on litre bottles that happen in October.

Another 'thing' is that day to day, I'm quite careful with what I eat. It's gone as part of growing up (and not wanting to grow too) I eat well, with lots of fresh vegetables etc.

For the actual day of Christmas, all restrictions are off, I eat exactly what I fancy and probably too much of it, too. And while I do go 'off piste' I don't actually eat as much in this regime as I used to when I 'monotonously munch' my way though sweets and chocolates.

To eat to please only myself is a glorious thing. It's more precious than any other gift anyone could give me.

Sounds perfect to me!

You really Don’t have to do the whole “traditional ‘ Christmas thing. I think most people overthink it, to be honest.

My partner and I will have Christmas pretty much to ourselves again this year. Adult DD is going to her future mother-in -law’s, which is a short way from where we live, so she and her fiancé will pop round to see us for a while… then the rest of the day is ours! My (also adult) boys live further away, and do their own thing. It suits us all. Will go and see them before New Year

I really appreciate having less stress than I used to when I was married to their dad and we all lived together.

I don’t have to spend a massive fortune on food that doesn’t get eaten, or the in-laws to entertain and we can please ourselves how to spend it.

Sounds pretty perfect to me!!
For most, it's nothing like the adverts, just a long, boring giant Sunday with a typical Sunday lunch with a few extra posh bits chucked on.
We will have family over but I'll spend the whole day looking forward to when they leave so I can slob on the sofa in my pjs.
We are all trained to think Christmas and life in general should be a particular way. Create your own happy path I say! ✨️

@YellowRedBlueGreen how has your Christmas gone so far?

I had Christmas Day on my own except for opening presents with adult DS yesterday morning and it was PERFECT!!

Off to a friends later for what is bound to be a mad party!!

Hello!!

I've had a lovely Christmas so far. The plan changed slightly... Mum and Dad decided to come too! So I'm not on my own, although they're a mile or so down the road.

I've ate and drank too much over the last few days but so have many others! I'm detoxing now in the hope of losing half a stone by the end of miserable January.

So I'm in my favourite place and I absolutely love it here. I went for a walk by the sea watching all the surfers and happy dogs on the beach, had a lovely dinner with my parents in their apartment then last night had some prosecco and chocolate whilst watching Home Alone 2. Walked almost ten miles today, tomorrow will hopefully be as productive too.

So it's been really nice so far. Merry Christmas everyone! X

No! Your holiday sounds great!!!! 😊💕

Just saw your update!!! Yea!!!! 👏

OP glad you had nice Christmas I had fabulous one in the end just magic the miracles that happened in December have fabulous. It will be 29 months before all scammer debts paid off but it means I’ll have a life it’s going to be hard but this way I can save for next Christmas and spoil friends who deserve it. Mail everyone whose helped me in my new life.

Brilliant!! X 🎄

Hi OP
I've just skimmed this thread and could definitely have written it myself, very similar circumstances. I love your responses to the 'you never know, you might meet someone' waffle. I am here as absolute proof that Mr Right doesn't just appear when you stop looking 😂.

Sounds like you've had a lovely Christmas, I'm close to booking a getaway for New Year myself!

Thank you I got miracles I never dreamed would happen believe me they did and it carries on into March. 2023 will be my first happiest year as each month goes another lot paid off I rejoice every last day of each month, got a gorgeous special calendar too which helps.

And of course next Christmas will be fabulous luxury for my friends and me I can’t wait to spoil them. It’s only Christmas I’ll do this but for me it’s part of the joy I love giving gifts 🎁.

Fantastic!!! You should make it tradition to go away every Christmas, so much better than being at home.