Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

[YellowRedBlueGreen]

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

I always go away at Christmas, good for you.

Sorry mate - North Yorkshire. My heart is there ❤️

I couldn't agree more. I'd not have my young DC know how I feel about Christmas for the world. But it's never felt like 'my' time of the year and it's ridiculously hard work, requiring thinking about/organising far in advance if we don't want to be spending all Christmas Eve/Day cooking. I've also struggled with it emotionally ever since my Mum died.

Nowadays I try to pre-prepare as much as possible in the weekends ahead, quietly commemorate Yuletide, look forward to the return of lighter days, and enjoy my preferred time - the week between Christmas and New Year's Day - when I get to relax and enjoy some time off work.

In your shoes, OP, I'd do pretty much what you are doing and I think it sounds far from pathetic. There is something sentimental and maudlin about Christmas which seems to amplify loss and loneliness.

I much prefer Easter.

Sounds Brilliant, I'd love to do that and not have Christmas dinner etc but my husband likes the traditional stuff.

Ahhhhh! Bloody gorgeous up there! I’m from Fulford originally.

Now those are some dramatic waves.

It sounds perfect.

Sounds lovely except for the feeding the squirrels bit. They're vermin.

'There is something sentimental and maudlin about Christmas which seems to amplify loss and loneliness.

I much prefer Easter.'

Hard agree to all of this.

Lovely. I've spent Christmas in Whitby before and have a great love of Flamborough headland and beautiful Filey Bay. Such a wonderful part of the coast: wild and windswept in places and all the lovelier for it.

Hope you love your time by the sea. It will certainly blow away a few cobwebs!

Sounds great. When I’m on my own for Xmas I’m going to have a corn fed chicken (the cat will be delighted to help me with it) some nice champagne and my favourite films.

We spent two Xmas days in hotels and it was great. No regrets.

People don’t enjoy Xmas the way the advertisers portray it anyway, it’s a load of stress and someone always ends up pissed off.

With respect - and I'm really not being arsey just trying to explain - it isn't something you can work towards like a qualification. It's luck, fate and being in the right place at the right time. If it DID happen great, but I highly doubt it at this point. Oh well. Being in a partnership takes tolerance and I'm all out of that anyway 😃

Not at all! Just because you, and others, have the main thing I want I know it doesn't mean you have everything. I'm sorry you find Christmas hard too and I hope you have a good one with your loved ones x

Awwww they're cute! I feel honoured when they trust me enough to take a nut out of my palm 🥜

Sounds utterly blissful!!! I d throw in a few sweet treats too alongside the nice wine.

To add to my previous comment, I wonder if you’d like to join us on this year’s Christmas Chronicles Read-along thread?

It follows Nigel Slater’s journal/ode to autumn/winter/nature/Christmas/cooking/drinking/recipe book. We had a lovely thread last year, really cosy and warm and friendly. IIRC the intro thread started last half of October (the journal itself starts on Nov 10th) and went right through to Christmas. It’s brilliant because it’s about so much more than just Christmas.

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄 🎄

Now’s a good time to pick up the book on ebay/Amazon/local bookshop/wherever suits you, as it likely won’t be full price.

Keep a look out on the Christmas Topic for a thread come October! 😊

Sounds amazing OP!

I'm with you on the ott soppy Christmas messages!

Have you thought about going way off piste with Christmas viewing? For example lining up a series of absolutely awful (and they will be) Christmas horror movies to watch on CD? Or similar if horror movies made with a budget of roughly £50 are not your thing!

(Mind you there will naturally be a lot of talk about Christmas/family/traditions/etc so maybe it wouldn’t be the right thing for you if you’re trying to get away from that! But I thought I’d extend an invitation anyway.)

Sounds good. I booked a hotel one Christmas Eve and the place was almost empty. I was upgraded to the best suite they had and the service was fantastic. I enjoyed the leisurely wake up and having everything sorted for me. Only thing I was a little unprepared for stupidly was that nothing was open. Once I got over that, I enjoyed the peace and quiet and the time for reflection and relaxation.

Sounds wonderful enjoy x

That's a great idea! I do have a DP and 2 older DS, but after my DDad died, then Xmas just didn't seem like Xmas because my parents usually came over to us and DDad was the life and soul. I tried to recreate the feeling and still be jolly but honestly without him it wasn't the same. He'd give a running commentary on anything "Great roasties, just as I like them" "ooh lovely gravy" he'd jolly the kids along, talk to them about whatever they were doing, make stuff... I sound a bit pathetic as I have a family I know!

So last year we went abroad for Xmas to Thailand and we all loved it. It's Xmas but not as we knew it and I did the 2 DC a small stocking but apart from that it so "unChristmassy" we didn't miss it. On Xmas day we all went on a trip to some islands and swam in the sea. So I do not blame you for doing something that you want. I hope it goes well and you love it.

It genuinely sounds like a great Christmas.

I am (happily) married but my DH has very substantial health and mobility issues. Last Christmas morning was spent with paramedics after he collapsed face down in the bathroom (BP tanked) and avoided going to hospital by the skin of his teeth. The next 6 weeks he was bedbound.

I'm planning a slightly smaller turkey this year The compulsion for it to be Perfect is hard to get rid of, but after last year I'm trying to aim for "anything that doesn't involve an ambulance".

Hoping you have a fabulous time, you will.

I've spent a fair few Christmases by myself over the years and as you said, Christmas Day itself is the worst out of the bunch. I've never gone away over Christmas when I've been single, but I have made sure I had the type of Christmas dinner I wanted: salmon, champagne, lots of chocolate (not all at once though, mind). I've also volunteered for a homeless shelter over Christmas. Sometimes I've even gone for a run. It's hard when not much is open. I used to stock up on DVDs to last me through until New Year. Going to the cinema by myself is one of my favourite things to do also. Just get yourself a nice flask of your favourite hot drink and some snacks. When I used to live in London I'd take really nice long walks from West to central London, through the parks and stop for coffees along the way. The key for me was to make sure I had lots of little treats to look forward to. Then I'd book a nice holiday in the new year.

Sounds idyllic to me!

This is a good idea thank you, I'm going to see if any homeless shelters in that area need any volunteers. I did it once locally years ago and I met some really lovely people

That sounds perfect. I bet there are many who feel obliged to have the ‘family Christmas’ with people they wouldn’t willingly choose to spend time with who would give their right arm for a Christmas like yours.