Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.
But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.
So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!
Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!