The gravy fuckery has gone too far

[WillYouDoTheFandango]

I’ll start with saying we share the cooking but DP likes to cook the Sunday dinner (moved to Monday this week as we had time on our hands). He has proclaimed himself as a fabulous Sunday dinner chef. Second to none. He likes to throw in weird and wonderful shit into our food and I am expected to just go with it. I have had to start taking DS’ food out first, before DP adds loads of stuff to it or he won’t eat it.

He has started to fuck about with the gravy. It started with the beef gravy - onions, red wine, garlic powder, nothing too out there, pretty good results. But now he’s decided he’s going to perfect his chicken gravy.

We had a whole conversation about how much I hate rosemary. Next day, there it was, poisoning my gravy. I reminded him of my dislike but apparently “it goes with the chicken”.

Today we hit rock bottom though. My Yorkshire pudding was covered in bright orange, spicy gravy. When I asked why, I was told it was probably the paprika. 😫I mean where will it end? I’m either going to have to have a serious conversation about pre-warning me about what he’s throwing in or start joining DS in the bisto so I don’t end up with any more “surprises”.

And I know i could make it myself but any suggestions of that are taken as a personal insult to his cookery credentials. Anyone else living with a culinary innovator and not always enjoying the experience?

I cannot even begin to express how much this would upset me. The classics are the classics for a reason and something like a good gravy shouldn't be meddled with. Something like rosemary (or paprika!) are pretty pungent and have no place in an honest to goodness Sunday roast chicken. I'd feign an allergy or IBS.

Sorry…you need to tell Gordon Ramsay 2 that Rosemary goes with Lamb….Tarragon with Chicken….deflate him entirely by putting his name down for master chef….they destroy assumptions about cookery prowess in seconds.

My DH tends to take charge of cooking the 'roast dinner' and, to be fair, he does a good job - including the gravy. But one meal he cooked, for a family occasion, has become legendary, for all the wrong reasons.

He acquired a squash from a neighbour, who had a spare one from her father's allotment. It was roasted and dished up with roasted parsnips.
It was so incredibly bitter that all of the diners with any sense (i.e. all of the women present) rejected it. DH, his brother and my adult son said that we were making a fuss and ate their portion.

All three of them had the raging trots for a good 24 hours.

Oh fuck yes. Dad’s Experimental Soup it’s known as.…usually inedible🤢

Priceless....! (I make carbonara and am highly intrigued by the secret ingredients of lime and tomato).

Mamma Italia (or whoever that pasta sauce is called after) must be turning in her grave. Yum.

Sorry but I had to laugh at this post; you’ve got to sit him down & tell him; it’s lovely he enjoys cooking but you intestines can’t take his concoctions anymore he either cooks a good old English roast straight forward gravy & all or he’s being kicked out the kitchen 😂

😄 reminds me of my daughter, who asked me not to 'Jamacian-up' Sunday lunch when her boyfriend came.
So l left the rice n peas, roasted sweet potato, spiced veg and gravy in serving dishes as in help yourself. Needless to say he politely took a little and ate one mouthful of each !

Mine will just make everything so bloody fancy. He used to be a chef. And to be fair his cooking is usually really good. But it’s the mess and the time it takes that I can’t stand. I don’t want to eat at 10pm! I would rather have something simple and faffless! But he will start chopping herbs and toasting pine nuts at 9:45pm just to top off the dish! I don’t want the dish now. My stomach has eaten itself and I’m not even hungry anymore. I actually want a cup of tea and to go to bed. But now I’ll have to go to bed with a belly full of food (which I hate) and I’ll have to spend 45 minutes clearing up the kitchen because he’s used every bowl and chopping board we own! I quite like it when DP goes away and I can get some tesco finest fishcakes. I make a nice salad. There are no pine nuts “to top it off”!! I don’t drench everything in lashings of olive oil. I use a baking tray, a chopping board and a plate. I spend two minutes clearing up (if that). I eat at 7pm. I go to bed at 9:30pm. I read my book. Nobody snores at me. It’s heavenly!!! Ah simple pleasures….Sigh

And celery seed! Chopped red cabbage and grated carrot salad, lemon, dollop of mayo, celery seed… heaven.

I think the only option is to ban him from the kitchen on Sundays

I'm not alone! I thought it was just my DH who did this. His fannying about and trying to make everything fucking last morsel we eat as some sort of cheffy gourmet toss has actually caused arguments in our house

We nearly separated the day I specifically asked for a run-of-the-mill bog standard everyday toad-in-the-hole.

I begged for no frills, no 'cranking it up a notch' or 'taking it to another level'. Just some fucking sausages cooked into a yorkie pud with some simple standard beef bisto.

He didn't listen. He faffed about with the entire lot then gleefully exclaimed "when have you ever had a gourmet TITH before?!" upon serving it. I was seriously fucked off and DS actually cried.

It was vile. But apparently we're the ones with the problem for having undeveloped palates 🙄

My now DH did this our first Christmas living together, it was just the 2 of
us as were living overseas from family whilst studying.
He wanted to make “proper” turkey gravy using the giblets. I informed him I did not like giblet gravy, it was a waste of time for just the two of us and I would be much happier with Bisto made with water.
He still wanted to make it so I left him to it.
He ending up spending hours in the kitchen, it stank out the flat and the giblet gravy was disgusting. I knocked up some Bisto.

OP I could have written your post myself!
We also have lots of experimental stuffing! A variety of fruits eg grapes, spices etc added. I just want a traditional roast!

He'll also stick his oar in when I cook but does it secretly.We'll be eating a chilli I've cooked and I'll think this tastes different...oh he's secretly added a ton of coriander into it (& then denies he's touched it!) LOL.

I adore Carbonara OH decided to use a jar the porridge consistency was odd. So I suggested foregoing the sauce just eggs and bacon bits. OH god like wet cement with gravel. I was mystified. The third attempt was fabulous.

It turns out he'd been grating 500 grams of cheddar in. The third time we were out of cheddar so he grated parmesan in. Mystery solved 🤣🤣

Re bitter squash, they actually do develop toxins (curcubitacins) grown in stressful conditions, you were very wise not to eat it

Yeah my DD does this but not only when he cooks but also to my DM's meals as well and it drives her up the wall. When she is cooking she has to guard everything otherwise he sneaks in and faffs around adding bits and bobs. The worst thing is he puts in too much salt and you can't unsalt a meal. She definitely is the better cook. His meals are "flavourably cluttered"

DH's meals are generally plain bog standard type of stuff except when he makes risotto. I think he puts in a few stock cubes to give it flavour and it ends up a salty mess.

When I first left home I had never cooked a roast dinner, I did the whole thing in my brand new kitchen with my mum on speed dial, I spent ages making gravy with half a bottle of wine in it. Now I just use gravy granules.

Marmalade seems to be cropping up in more and more recipes now 🤦🏼‍♀️ I decided to try a new nut roast recipe recently and it called for FOUR TABLESPOONS of marmalade. I reduced it to two and it was still overwhelmingly marmaladey. My little DS was delighted as marmalade is his favourite thing, but it did not enhance the roast dinner for the rest of us.

Enter him into Masterchef then he can practice all he likes and they ll tell him if it’s rubbish 😂

Exactly comfort food should not be faffed with , I just want Macaroni Cheese , I know what I'm getting when I ask for this . Instead he has taken it to the next level . I could cry .😢

Oh I am a victim of adventurous macaroni cheese.
It was looking perfect at one stage, creamy cheesy sauce, big pile of grated cheddar for the topping- what could possibly go wrong?
OH decided he could improve on things- in went anchovies, olives, capers, scotch bonnet chillies and sumac.
I like all these ingredients in their place but not in a macaroni cheese.

We had marmite in our gravy once
A little bit of marmite in gravy is a thing of beauty.
Agree always in my house, LOVE Marmite.

That sounds great - cheesy, garlicky pasta!

My DP put sprigs of Christmas tree in the Christmas lunch roasties once 😔
Unwanted toothpicks for everyone…