The gravy fuckery has gone too far

[WillYouDoTheFandango]

I’ll start with saying we share the cooking but DP likes to cook the Sunday dinner (moved to Monday this week as we had time on our hands). He has proclaimed himself as a fabulous Sunday dinner chef. Second to none. He likes to throw in weird and wonderful shit into our food and I am expected to just go with it. I have had to start taking DS’ food out first, before DP adds loads of stuff to it or he won’t eat it.

He has started to fuck about with the gravy. It started with the beef gravy - onions, red wine, garlic powder, nothing too out there, pretty good results. But now he’s decided he’s going to perfect his chicken gravy.

We had a whole conversation about how much I hate rosemary. Next day, there it was, poisoning my gravy. I reminded him of my dislike but apparently “it goes with the chicken”.

Today we hit rock bottom though. My Yorkshire pudding was covered in bright orange, spicy gravy. When I asked why, I was told it was probably the paprika. 😫I mean where will it end? I’m either going to have to have a serious conversation about pre-warning me about what he’s throwing in or start joining DS in the bisto so I don’t end up with any more “surprises”.

And I know i could make it myself but any suggestions of that are taken as a personal insult to his cookery credentials. Anyone else living with a culinary innovator and not always enjoying the experience?

Hilarious.

This does sound fairly revolting…

Oh my god, your poor kids! 🙁

So you just have bone dry roast dinners, do you?

You need three glasses, the same size (I use three glass yoghurt pots).
Break into one pot, two room temp eggs.
Into a other pot, add milk, to the same level as that of the eggs.
Into the last pot, add plain flour, again to the same level.
You should have three pots, with the same volume/level in each.

Mix together with an electric whisk, until bubbly.

Preheat your Yorkshire pudding tin with a splash of oil in the bottom, until the oil is smoking. Add the mixture, and cook in a closed oven (gas 7) for about 15 mins

These are light and fluffy.

*My husband does this with my mac and cheese.

Just follow my recipe!*

My OH had ruined so many beloved family recipes by trying to (I mean, I guess he's trying to..) 'improve' them. Like, she'll never notice if I add my own distinct blend of herbs and spices to make it more flavourful...

You're messing with my mum's recipes. BACK OFF!!!

My dad used to do this. He'd present the gravy with a knowing little smile and make us guess what nonsense he'd added to it this time. Once it actually was marmalade. It was horrible.

My mother makes perfect gravy every time.

I think she means she lets them do it themselves, not that they don’t have any at all!

Thickened, I don't need thick knees

My ex is like this. He thinks he's an amazing cook and everyone is just plebeian for not appreciating it whereas in fact it's all over done and weird

Oh thank god for that! Yes, I can see now that that's the most logical reading. I can relax now 😆

In fairness, I add a squeeze of tomato purée when making gravy!

I feel like gravy recipes should be shared to go with the YP recipient shared earlier (which I am looking forward to trying). Here’s mine:

1. Make a roux using white flour and olive oil
2. once that is cooked through, slowly add stock water till the right consistency for you
3. Add a hefty squeeze of tomato purée, half a glass of red wine, and a couple of tbsps of marmite
4. Simmer for an hour or so to cook off the wine
5. Sweat some onions in a little water, add them to the simmered gravy. Add more stock water if gravy has thickened too much. Honestly delicious!

Sounds good, but what about the cooking juices from the meat that are the most important part?! 😮

I bet all these Interfering Gravy Fuckers are Spoony Fuckers™ in the house too.

Ahh @SillySausage81 I’n vegetarian, but if meat was being cooked then absolutely the juices would be added!

Further to my previous message.

DP is cooking carbonara tonight. I say 'cooking' - he's got a Tesco carbonara sauce jar.

I have already seen him squeeze a lime into the bacon (and sausage...) mixture. I can also see some cherry tomatoes on the side next to the hob.

And he hasn't chopped the very soil covered bottom bit off the mushrooms stalks.

Oh boy, am I in for a treat!

Ah spoke too soon maybe - there is a chopping board and sharp knife next to the mushrooms, maybe there is hope after all

You totally have my sympathy. The solution.... maybe refuse to eat it??? I did that once and my husband didn't speak to me for 6 weeks.....🤷🤷 (Divorced after two years) 😏😏

Tell him sage goes with chicken too

My husband made spicy tomato and pancetta pasta. Hmmm, nice, I thought,
then before I’d had my first bite he says “guess the secret ingredient…”
against any advice he’d put a heaping spoonful of mango chutney, yes, mango chutney, complete with lumps of mango into the pasta sauce.

He then proceeded to throw a tantrum because I’d demanded he tell me the secret ingredient and then refused to eat it. We didn’t speak for two days. All because some twerp thought mango chutney in pasta was ideal.

i do have to add that I was 7 months pregnant and still nauseous every moment of every day. I could have killed him.

@BamBamBilla
Excuse my ignorance. What is a spoony fucker?

These fellas have been watching too much Heston Blumenthal on telly. Luckily you haven't had liquid nitrogen in your gravy so far.

Just make sure the gravy goes in a jug and not poured on your food, so you have the chance not to have it spoiling your food. You may need to go and make yourself a quick portion with granules so you don't have a dry dinner!

DH is still trying to live down when he got muddled between lasagne and macaroni cheese, and put garlic in the macaroni cheese.

When you're making dinner and you turn round to put something in the sink and Spoony Fucker comes along to interfere and stir your pot or turn the heat up/down or he opens the oven.