The gravy fuckery has gone too far

[WillYouDoTheFandango]

I’ll start with saying we share the cooking but DP likes to cook the Sunday dinner (moved to Monday this week as we had time on our hands). He has proclaimed himself as a fabulous Sunday dinner chef. Second to none. He likes to throw in weird and wonderful shit into our food and I am expected to just go with it. I have had to start taking DS’ food out first, before DP adds loads of stuff to it or he won’t eat it.

He has started to fuck about with the gravy. It started with the beef gravy - onions, red wine, garlic powder, nothing too out there, pretty good results. But now he’s decided he’s going to perfect his chicken gravy.

We had a whole conversation about how much I hate rosemary. Next day, there it was, poisoning my gravy. I reminded him of my dislike but apparently “it goes with the chicken”.

Today we hit rock bottom though. My Yorkshire pudding was covered in bright orange, spicy gravy. When I asked why, I was told it was probably the paprika. 😫I mean where will it end? I’m either going to have to have a serious conversation about pre-warning me about what he’s throwing in or start joining DS in the bisto so I don’t end up with any more “surprises”.

And I know i could make it myself but any suggestions of that are taken as a personal insult to his cookery credentials. Anyone else living with a culinary innovator and not always enjoying the experience?

These have made me laugh so much and now I am counting my blessings that there wasn’t marmalade in it.

He keeps threatening/offering to make Christmas dinner for everyone and is most put out they didn’t jump at the chance. And in terms of not being told, I’m a stubborn bugger too so can’t really grumble at that.

One of his favourite to piss about with is cottage pie, you never know what’s going to be in your filling or what it will be topped with. I also have to make DS a normal one of those separately.

He’s also a very fussy vegetarian (doesn’t eat a wide range of vegetables, won’t eat tofu, rice etc.), so isn’t actually interested in food and won’t go out for a meal as he thinks it’s a waste of money. He mostly lives on salad and salad derivatives as I’ve more or less stopped cooking meals for him and just cook for me and the kids.

What an absolutely miserable existence, I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that.

My Oh is like this.

I call it "going off piste".
He is an OK cook, but loves to "tinker".
Especially on a Sunday afternoon, he loves spending Sunday afternoon in the kitchen doing a roast or similar, he will have a couple of glasses of wine while he cooks and listens to classical music.
He doesn't know when to stop adding stuff, and left alone he will become increasingly " creative", having "brainwaves" about what he can add to dishes.
It is often not very good, simply because he doesn't know when to stop.
To be fair the dishes are mostly edible, and he does all the shopping, washing up and cleans the kitchen/cooker afterwards, so I don't have grounds to complain- just a little light ribbing.-

i Think red wine and onions in the beef gravy would have triggered me, no way would he have made it to the chicken level of fuckery.

I feel your pain too OP! My DH gets most upset when I refuse to eat anything he’s cooked that isn’t from a proper recipe. He also likes to put the meat fat (“juices” as he calls it) back into the gravy (bisto) for flavour. Not good when I’m trying to lose weight.

I have the opposite issue, my DH NEVER makes feckin' gravy. Even with a roast. I have to remind him EVERY TIME. (He doesn't cook all the time , probably 70/30 ) he always says 'I'm not bothered so never think about it' . So why is it, whenever I am doing dinner (70% of the time) that needs gravy he ALWAYS has it? Drives me feckin' mental.

My husband is exactly the same! He will cook and I'll ask what he has put in it. He always says 'herbs and spices'. I say 'which ones???' and he will say 'a bit of this and bit of that'.

It's literally anything he can shake out if a pot. He doesn't care what goes with what. Just likes bish bash boshing anything into the pot cus it makes him feel like Jamie Oliver yet he has no idea what any of these herbs and spices are or or how they are meant to be used. Like why put oregano on a curry?

Make him something truly godawful.

Insist he eats it.

Think apple crumble with an oxo cube and paprika, shepherd's pie with curry powder...

I once had to leave a whole roast dinner because of the disgusting gravy that DH had poured over it 🤮 I could have cried because everything else looked so gorgeous but there was so much of the fucking stuff that I couldn’t even scrape it off properly. I had to sit there, mouth watering, with a microwave lasagne as there wasn’t enough left for me 😢

Anyone thinking of the episode of Friends where Rachel made the mince trifle?

I’m feeling nervous now. I made onion gravy to accompany DHs venison sausages for dinner (we bought from a butchers in Balmoral a year ago so Seemed fitting to finally defrost them today).

I have stirred in some defrosted cranberry sauce from last Christmas into the gravy to jazz it up.

Is this equivalent to marmalade stew?

Step away from the gravy, beef gravy made from the beef juices is manna from Heaven and shouldn’t be fucked about with. I stir flour into the roasting tin then add the water from the veg.
I can’t cook beef, it’s a hit and miss affair as to whether it’s edible or not. I have no clue why, but the gravy is perfect. Pork, Ham, Chicken Lamb, I have no problem.
DH has cooked the beef once in our 44 year marriage, it was perfect. It would be.
So now he’s the top beef chef in all time.

I can beat all these. The first time DH made me breakfast, he proudly presented me with a plate of scrambled eggs. With a liberal dusting of CINNAMON.

It was utterly inedible.

I've got one who used to put curry powder and or chilli extract in everything.food shouldn't hurt when you eat it. Had to really put my foot down .

YABU for saying you hate rosemary; what has it ever done to you? Bees like it.

1/4tsp of marmite in gravy adds a depth of flavour.

We both love cooking but have totally different styles, my DP aspires towards MasterChef style cooks whereas I'm a one-pot queen. He loves the plate to be super presentable, spends hours getting things perfect and is really downtrodden when anything turns out less than perfect. Oh and the need to analyse every fucking dish. It used to be tolerable until I had DD and he took over all the cooking for the first 6 months - I knew he was shouldering 95% of the domestic stuff that used to be 50-50, plus working so I never dared tell him that I wanted to eat the dinner and not analyse it every evening. Thankfully I'm back at work and doing my share of the cooking now 😂

I sincerely hope he mixed it up with cinnamon or nutmeg or something and didn't actually mean to put curry powder in it? 😱

This just made me laugh so much as it is pretty much exactly my DH. The randomness of it is just so funny. I mean, ginger with roast dinner...

See also from my DH: dessicated coconut and spring onions on EVERYTHING

Nothing to add but what a great thread title

Is anyone else getting a mumsnet recipes video ad right in the middle of this thread for a man putting what appears to be jam on chicken thighs?

surely that can't be a coincidence!?

I'm going to be that poster though who would just be glad if anyone offered to do the cooking no matter what. I'd eat paprika gravy on basil rice if someone else ever cooked for me. They don't.

For years I made gravy using the meat juices, some flour to thicken, usual seasoning, little red wine in onions reduced down, was pretty nice. Then someone I know told me to add a few splashes of apple juice to the gravy as it’s simmering and stir in. I think I actually laughed at the suggestion but was curious and set some extra gravy aside to trial it the next time I made some . . . . . now I add the apple juice every time. Not too much. Gives it a very unique but delicious flavour.

firstly rosemary is not a natural pairing for chicken - it is tarragon so he is wrong
secondly paprika in gravy ? wtAF
you have a DH problem here..he clearly thinks he is clever and cheffy but infact has no palate to speak off.
just stupid showing off

thirdly good gravy does need the meat juices, fat is what makes things taste nice, and it needs a bit of boosting if using bisto ( i do use bisto) with something slightly sweet but tart, so beef gravy gets port and a dab of mustard and a dab of honey.
chicken gets crab apple jelly and marsala
lamb gets mint or recurrent jelly and port.

most dishes will improve with unami flavour, this is in marmite hence why things like beef stock/gravy/bolognaise etc benefit from marmite.
But just a dab....

but paprika has no place in gravy , literally none

Nicola Peltz Beckham, is that you?!

I’ve got one of these. The best thing is he hardly does any cooking. He’s never read a cookery book in his life, nor watched any cookery programmes.

But he likes being seen to cook when people are over. He’s got so much confidence that he thinks everything he does is wonderful. He always undercooks the onions and burns the garlic.

PS. Rosemary is usually paired with lamb not chicken.