How to not give a shit about what people think of you?

[Ewetoo]

Any advice? I find myself constantly wondering why people don't like me, say hello, brush past me etc... I try my best to be polite & friendly at all times... I feel it's really starting to effect my anxiety & I would love some tips on how not to care what people think..

This! 45 am stopped giving a toss when I lost my mum and really appreciated the saying life's too short.

Agree with everyone who says 50 is the age you completely stop giving a shit!

Hitting mid thirties and having kids.. it has humbled me and given me inner confidence with no insecurity, couldn't care less what anyone thinks.
But I've also become a nicer and more friendly/outgoing person. It's a great combo!

I stopped caring when I hit 30.

Reliezed everyone was to busy caring about themselves, let alone what I was doing at the time and that's when it hit me.
Now I just don't give a single shIt and I'm a lot happier.

Honestly, start to pretend that you don't give a shit.

Then you'll be like omg this is amazing. And then you really will stop giving a shit!!!!

50- ambitious. I was 40😂

In my 50s here too.
I don't give a shiny shit about what other people think.
I do what makes me happy / comfortable.
While I conform (loosely) to the expectations of my job, I'm happy to be me.
Life's too short to spend your time worrying about what other people think of you when it has no impact on you personally.

@HandbagsnGladrags I think it was 40 for me but it could have been years before that.

I agree that self worth is an important factor.

For me, it isn’t about faith, but I have a strong sense of who I am and what I’m capable of. In a work context, that’s helpful as I’m not particularly affected by either praise or criticism, though I will take on board feedback from colleagues whose opinions I respect.

Likewise, in my personal life, I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of me if they don’t really know me. But if a friend passes comment on something I’ve said or done, I’m more likely to take notice because I trust their opinion.

Ultimately, I think if you can be true to yourself in everything you do, rather than trying to be whatever person you think people want you to be, it’s far easier to not care what they think.

Starting losing is at 40. 50 I found was the time I really let it go.
Some people won't like me. That's none of my business. I like and respect myself. I'm liked/loved by people I care about. I've got enough good friends.
I never had "Mum" friends and I've had a school age child for 23 consecutive years, with 4 more to go.

My sister witnessed the emptiness of the school mum clique. You were in if you had this that or the other, once something went awry for certain individuals the clique moved on and people got.dumped if you cramped their style. Shallow friends.
Years later the cliques are as miles apart now as they were before they had their children. Few real friendships formed. Luckily my sister had a good head on her shoulders and while pleasant kept her distance, she saw and heard all the batching that went on but kept out of it. If wee johnny and katie-sue didnt get on or there was a row about something those mums wouldnt give 2 pence about you, theyd believe everything their little darlings said no matter how outlandish. Youre better off as you are. Be proud of the nice person you are and try to be, they're the ones who are losing out on a decent potential friend. Oh and get off facebook you don't need anyone to validate your sons achievements except you.

🤣 abso bloody lutely! I turned 50, realised it didn't matter a flying fuckerooni what anyone else thought about me. Liberating muchly.

Menopause/post menopause. I also found a close together series of significant bereavements and family upheaval effected a seismic shift in my worldview, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

In terms of advice...“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt She was right.

I was like you. Tried so hard to fit with the cliquey mums when my DC started school, but I always felt on the edge of the group and rubbish about myself, it was exhausting. Then covid happened and I took the opportunity to distance myself from the clique. Now I’ll say a passing hi to a few of them on the school run if I catch their eye but I stand alone, concrete on my kids. Nothing else matters. As long as they’re happy and making friends there it’s not important that I do. It’s so much easier not trying to fit in, just being myself and keeping myself to myself. I’ve found a couple of really nice but quieter people have been more chatty with me at the school gate since I’m not hanging around with the cliquey mums anymore. Also I left social media and that helped A LOT.

I'd love to not worry about this too. I'm crazily over-sensitive. My mum is too, so it's genetic I think! She's older, so sadly the getting older and not bothering thing doesn't always work 😔

Grateful for all the advice. Been feeling shit about myself all day, it's horrible being on the outskirts constantly. But I'll start acting more aloof & stop bothering with people who can't be bothered with me.

I am online dating at 54 and dates/sex with physically gorgeous 35 yr olds is a proper confidence booster - they are usually more nervous than I am  But I guess that isn't a solution for everyone!

I stopped giving a shit after a nervous breakdown at 40. When I hit 50 I realised I no longer gave a shit about not giving a shit. Lockdown made me realise who my real friends are and I'm now embracing rather a fun new life with them (and my toy boys!) and as a PP said, not caring what anyone thinks has made me more attractive to loads of people and I actually get asked to events!!

I'm outwardly confident with low self-esteem. But I admit that to everyone and will openly say that yes, I work very hard to love myself, because if I don't love me, I can't expect anyone else to.

Why do you want to be in the friendship group with the swim mums? Do you all have a lot in common apart from the fact your kids all swim?

you can’t force friendships

i would try and make new friends in activities that are not based on the kids. Do what you love, whatever that is, and you’ll meet people who love that same thing

This is weirdly true. It happens like a switch being clicked. One day after you turn fifty you wake up and don't give a toss.

Meanwhile CBT helps. It trains you to challenge thoughts like they walked past me and ignored me – why don't they like me? and reply to them with comments like: maybe they were late for work and needed to ensure they didn't get chatting or maybe they have social anxiety, or needed the loo or had a mum with dementia at home who they needed to hurry back for, or it's time of the month and they want to kill everything that isn't chocolate, or they don't have their contact lenses in or they were deep in though composing a poem about the Queen etc etc. i.e. The world doesn't revolve around us and it is highly likely that other people just aren't thinking about us let alone wasting time disliking us.

The weird thing is - the less you care, the nicer people are, because they don't feel your happiness is dependent on their approval which would be quite a burden to bear. I also learned way too late, to be less transactional with people. I used to brood that I was always the one doing playdates or inviting people to dinner and felt people 'ought' to return the compliment. I stopped, and just invited kids over if DC wanted to play with them, and invited people over if I wanted to catch up with them, but didn't do it to make people like me or so that DC would have more play dates. For a while, I was a bit lonely but after a few months a few people started contacting me and I ended up with a small number of good friends who matter to me.

I've met people like that. The truth is, some people are manipulators. Stop asking those people. Ask the quiet, reliable one who doesn't play popularity games.

I was in my 20s the last time I gave a fuck what anyone thought of me (I’m almost 40 now).

Not everyone is going to like you, just like you don’t like everyone you come across. The quicker you can be okay with that, the better. Which is something I’ve drilled into my own daughters.

It's easy. Go through the menopause. You will no longer give a shit. I used to be very over sensitive now I have a rhino hide.

It’s weird not to care what people think of you, and slightly worrying. Humans survived by being social and co-operative.

The trick is not to care too much

Yep, menopause is fabulous for this. Also my close friends are all either quiet/introverted/non-conformist women, or men…
I give the others a wide swerve.

There’s a difference between idle chit chat at the school gates/at work and being friends with someone, though. You can’t expect everyone to be your friend.