How to not give a shit about what people think of you?

[Ewetoo]

Any advice? I find myself constantly wondering why people don't like me, say hello, brush past me etc... I try my best to be polite & friendly at all times... I feel it's really starting to effect my anxiety & I would love some tips on how not to care what people think..

And yes to ditching social media. Life is so much simpler without it!

I think it helps to understand that whoever you are not everyone will like you. And that’s ok. You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea. We are all different.

Don’t care about anyones opinion unless you would take advice from them.

I just remember that everyone has their own issues. They're the product of different childhoods and different lives and have different personalities.
Don't take it personally.

This. I’m not quite there yet (mid 40s) but my answer was going to be: become middle aged.

I suppose because I was bullied so much as a child, I start out assuming no one will like me & just being grateful if they aren't obvious in their dislike. It's quite liberating. When you know you literally can't do anything to make those people like you. You just do what you feel is decent human behaviour, according to your own conscience. Try to change behaviour if you agree you could/didn't do best, but otherwise shrug off the presumed inevitable criticisms.

This

I don't like everyone so why should I expect everyone to like me.

You will find your people OP. But to get there you have to be yourself. When you are constantly worrying and trying to fit in you become someone else.

I think people can pick up on other people wanting to be liked and caring what others think and it can be off-putting. I'm not saying this is you OP because obviously I have no idea, having never met you. But generally being a bit more laidback and not caring can be appealing to a lot of people (cats and toddlers included IME - why do they always seem to warm most to the people who don't give a shit whether they have their attention?!).

Ideally you genuinely wouldn't care (and I agree with PPs that this comes with age) but maybe in the meantime you could try faking it until you make it and see whether that has a positive impact?

Actually, you should probably ignore me and do what @Manekinek0 has advised! Don't fake anything and just be yourself, that's a much better idea. Just don't try too hard is what I meant really.

@Ewetoo OP , how do you feel about yourself in general ? Because this really has a impact on caring what people think of you . Once you love /care about yourself your stop giving a shit about others. It takes time it’s a journey not a race . First of all with school cliques you face has to fit there’s a particular group of ppl they like . Either you fit or you don’t and that’s nothing to do with you they are just how they are . I was talking with one of the mums the other day and she’s like oh r u on our WhatsApp group for dds class I was like no then I realised that’s the clique I’m not part of . Honestly for a min it bothered me then I didn’t give a shit. Not quite the same but I have been all different sizes and I was still called fat . I was fat then I was slim and still ppl called me fat after that I realised as long as I was happy how I looked it didn’t matter of others opinions and if I worried about what ppl thought of me then I’m gonna be miserable . The only persons who’s opinion who’s matters is Yours

People take you at your own valuation.

From a loving experience book by Hilary mantel

I came across this on MN - so very true imv
I have v few friends and find small talk v hard but I can be happy on my own in fact I've cut right back and don't try to join stuff.
It's a bit embarrassing when people ask ' do you know so and so' or ' you'll know X or Y' errno - I hardly know anyone but a lot of the 'knowing' is gossip and not friendship. So fuck 'em!

Because the majority of people really don’t have the time or energy to worry what people think about them .

This

I think every single person should get a job in a pub, a proper old man’s pub, you soon toughen up working in one of them… I was terrified at first but I grew to love it and it certainly toughened me up. I couldn’t care less what people say or think of me.

I agree with a pp. Turn 50. Boom. Instant activation of the don't give a crap button. It's liberating as fuck.

I turned 40 and stopped giving a fuck what anyone thinks of me. I have a mini me in my head flicking v’s at everyone!

Just think logically about it. Most people really aren't thinking about you, they're not judging you and if they are, really what difference does it make? Presumably you've got a few key people in your life who are 'your people' and although it's nice to be nice & to socialise with others but it's not the be all and end all.

This ^^ 100%
At 68 I no longer give a toss (and the world hasn’t ended!)

Mid forties and I don't give a shit about what anyone thinks of me! Wish it would have come sooner!

It definitely helps getting older, but I’ve always found that the less I care what someone thinks of me, the more I attract people. I’m quite introverted and very anti social but strangely have always attracted very confident, strong friends. And the less effort I put in (left to my own devices, I would hide in a bush rather than have to speak to people) the more they decide we are firm friends. And these are now friends I could call at 3am if I needed them.

Just stop trying. You want a circle of friends whose company you enjoy. The only thing you have in common with these people are that your DC enjoy doing the same things. Stop asking them what their plans are. Stop liking their posts. Stop hovering around the outskirts of cliques. Just wander past, smile and say good morning if you know them, but keep walking. Stand by yourself. Go on your phone if you need that extra bit of confidence. If anyone approaches you, don’t try to impress them. Just be yourself. Stop auditioning to be their friend and start deciding whether or not these people have the qualities that YOU want in a friend.

It’s very easy not to care if I don’t really know someone. They’re not my friend so they and their opinions are completely irrelevant to me unless they’re paying my wages. Why would I care what a stranger thinks? My friends know me well and still want to stick around and I think I’m an absolute hoot when I’m not being anti social, so I know it’s them, not me.

Absolutely get where OP is coming from. I could have written this. I think it's happened so much with me now I've become desensitised. VatofTea i agree completely. Some women can be very catty and it seems to be worse in the school playground/at out of school clubs. I'm that person who is happy to be left alone. It's taken years to get to that point. I used to make new friends all the time in my 20s. Once I had kids it was totally different. Sometimes you can be a threat without knowing you are too.

This kind of thinking, with the greatest respect, is quite self absorbed. People largely don’t give a shit about you. Honestly. They are thinking about themselves and their own life and their own children.

There is a famous expression along the lines of ‘you’d care less about what people thought of you if you realised how seldom they do…’

Just enjoy your own life and blessings. People can be a friend to you or not. What does it matter what they think? If they’re your boss, or someone you respect but largely it doesn’t. Stop wasting energy looking for validation from irrelevant flotsam.

OP, what was your relationship with your parents like?
It seems that you look to other people for approval and validation and desperately fear their disapproval or rejection.
You believe that they have some power over your life.
These are belief systems that you create when you didn't get your needs met as a child.

This. I'm 60 and well into the swing of it!

You need to get on with whatever you are doing and pay very little attention to what others are doing. Be busy - smile and say hi as you pass people but be very occupied doing your own thing.
I spent years being practically ignored by a group of in-laws. I would try to make conversation and be friendly but they were not interested.
I just stopped trying. I was polite and smiled at them but stopped showing an interest in them and stopped ‘chatting’.
The last few times I have been in their company they have bent over backwards to try and engage me in conversation. It’s very weird indeed.