How to not give a shit about what people think of you?

[Ewetoo]

Any advice? I find myself constantly wondering why people don't like me, say hello, brush past me etc... I try my best to be polite & friendly at all times... I feel it's really starting to effect my anxiety & I would love some tips on how not to care what people think..

1. Get off social media - "likes" are meaningless & pointless
2. Just stick to a few, close friends
3. Get older. It is true that as you are, you realise that other people's opinions are of zero significance.

It comes with age definitely.

The thing that you do need to accept though is that not everyone wants to be your friend. Or is required to be your friend.

I am one of those mum's who drops and runs on the school run. It would never occur to me with socialise with other parents at my DC school simply because our kids are in school together. I knew some of the parents before having kids and speak to them. But that's it. I couldn't even tell you who some of the other parents in my kids class are.

Same, literally haven't a clue and also don't give a crap. There is always politics, just stay out of it.

If you were part of their clique, you would be forced to act in a way that was uncomfortable for you. Don't try to be their pals, the ones that care enough to exclude are twats.

Watch "Motherland", put it all into perspective.

Read a book called how not to give a fuck. It's very eye opening

@VatofTea I love motherland, I always think I'm like the dad, trying so hard to be liked..

Just consider others neutrally, unless they give you reason not to. Without being mean, think about why you wanted congratulations on your son's results. I think that once you get past needing other people's reassurance you'll find it easier to not give a crap.
I like to think about how irrelevant we are in the universe when things get a bit overwhelming, but maybe that's just me.

This exactly! It's wonderful and an under-rated part of the menopause and the loss of oestrogen. You don't give one shiny shit about other people's opinions. I have managed to develop far more confidence in my own and I'm able to see through other people's bullshit far more acutely. The upside of that is that I've managed to shake off various twats who I found I was just tolerating. The bigger upside is that there are about 10 people remaining on my Christmas card list...bonus!

Who is it making you care about what others think. I'm pretty sure it would be within your own gift to decide but somehow you have learnt that your opinion doesn't matter. It's quite difficult to ignore that kind of voice so it might be worth doing some work, reflection or analysis to isolate that voice that tells you to care more about other peoples opinion than your own.

Try working out your own, true opinions. You might find you agree with other people who have posted on this thread that you can't control the reactions of others, only your own.

That your opinion does matter and that doing what you think is right is the only thing that matters. It involves trusting yourself.

You will do very well. You are decent. Your opinion matters.

I remind myself that I don't necessarily like everyone I meet so why should I expect everyone to like me back.

I'm comfortable that I am kind and polite to people I come across. Lots of people don't care about that though, many people want 'fun' or 'sassy' or 'cool' from their friends. That's not something I can give so never mind

Great advice here thank you.

The school gate can be brutal. Envy of other kids achievements is often a thing. You may also find that some cliques are made up of child-minders who will have a different agenda to the other mums. You could try to make a connection with mums who are outside the cliques, or just don't hang about at all and totally ignore the social media boasting.

You definitely care less as you get older, which is great.

But in your case, it doesn't sound as if they are being awful to you. They don't have to let you join their friendship group and saying "we haven't fixed our plans yet" is a civil way of evading the question. And the social media nonsense really is not worth getting upset about.

There are plenty of other people to make friends with, no need to keep pushing with this group.

It's definitely linked to self worth. Start to focus on you, take time for lots of self care and fall back in love with yourself and when you do, people's opinions of you will be like water off a ducks back. It took me years to work this out and I do still have to work at it. When I feel the weight of other people's opinions I ask myself why I care what people think of me and it always comes down to me not being confident enough in myself. Know your worth.

@HandbagsnGladrags - I was going to say the same thing.

OP - try to enjoy your 30s. When you hit your 50s you won't give a flying fig what people think of you.

Do you really try so hard to be liked like the Dad in Motherland? If you have that nervous energy about you like Kevin then it may be that. There was one Mum at the school gate who was like that I would say hi to her but she used to over share all the time, probably because she was nervous almost all the other Mums would not even speak to her,

I have never cared what people think of me, I’m a sleeves rolled up, rucksack wearing type of a person. I turned up at a ball wearing boots and a jumper because I couldn’t be arsed to buy a posh frock as I was a poor student. My friend of 50 years still laughs about that, she was there.

Be true to yourself, if your trying to play a part to fit in then It’s never going to go well, people can suss you out.

What do you actually like and also what do you like about yourself?

That's easy. I'm too busy to worry about what some random person thinks.
I've got to do my full-time hours plus two school runs, cook supper, supervise homework, persuade ds to bed at a decent hour, clear up, prep for tomorrow, sort a blocked drain, organise a new credit card.

What someone at the school gate thinks of my hair or my shoes could not be less relevant or less interesting. 😊

Great posts on this thread! I agree with pretty much everything. I used to care too much about what people thought. I'm older now (mid 40s) and I care so much less now. I'm happy with my life. I love my family, and the friends I have are people I genuinely want to spend time with. If it seems like someone doesn't like me, my first thought is it's probably nothing to do with me, just someone preoccupied with their own life. Second thought is, if they actually don't like me, it's out of my control, so why worry, and it doesn't affect my life anyway. I'm friendly and polite to everyone, but I don't care beyond that.

So true 😂

95% of people don't 'think' anything about you. The other 5% of people might have an opinion, but don't actually know you, so it really doesn't matter.

You would do well to work on your self esteem.

This isn’t ‘advice’ but I genuinely think being raised mostly by my father helped, I was treated like a son because my little brother wasn’t born yet and we were already a substantial gang of girls. I don’t think I had the same social conditioning as a lot of young girls do/did.

But if it’s just a bunch of random school mums? Sod it, you won’t have to see them forever.

And HUGE CONGRATS on the swimming success!

Just what I was going to say!

I really don't care what anyone thinks and probably stopped caring in my late 20s.

I'm not the prettiest, most intelligent, most elegant etc but I'm absolutely good enough for me and people either like me or they don't. It's their loss. I just don't care.

I just don't give a fuck anymore. It's definitely come with age. I don't give a fuck about then they have no impact in by life so why worry snout what they're thinking. It's very liberating!

Personally, I usually avoid cliques because of this issue.

You do not need their approval or acceptance.

They can very likely smell your desperation and upset.

You do need to be comfortable and have faith in yourself in your own skin first and foremost and basically f... them.

I agree with another poster saying stay well clear of social media. They very likely saw your post and have deliberately not commented.

I think it speaks volumes. It could be because they see it as you bragging (sorry) or they are simply jealous of your DS's achievements. Whatever it is, there is a reason.

Do your own thing with your DCs and do not try to hang on like a limpet.

Eventually this group of mums (or some of them) might even come to you BECAUSE they respect you.

I know it is very upsetting for you right now but you need to train yourself not to care and be stronger.

I find as I get older, I am getting better at not caring about what others think. There’s a book called “The Courage to be disliked” which helped me immensely. It basically states that it is not our job to get people to like us.