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Original poster

Feeling low after spoiled evening

272 replies

pipwoes · 09/09/2022 20:52

This will put me to anyone who knows but I want to vent
I had tickets to a great gig tonight - a treat as it was also very local. DH and I were going and the plan was that DS(16) would keep an eye on the dog and Ds who's 10
We were getting ready and said " you need to go sit with him (DS2 age 10) and watch tv, make sure he brushes teeth and goes to bed ok"
Older DS starts moaning and groaning and says " he'll be ok. I don't need to sit with him" and so on. We had words earlier as he'd been mean to his younger brother mocking and mimicking him. I had offered money for the "babysitting" and to give him money to go to shop for some treats
He refused to say he'd go downstairs so now I've had to stay home (wouldn't have enjoyed myself leaving 10 year old alone) 10 year old has now gone with DH and I'm home with the teen who has zero regret or shame and just asked if o got him any treats in like I'd said I would.
I'm
Missing the gig and it wasn't cheap and now I feel thoroughly pissed off. Would you be? How can I make the teen see this isn't ok? The irony is we get a family friend the same age to babysits normally and all she has to do is sit with 10 year old and ensure he gets off to bed. I even offered to pay my son

OP posts:
AlmostDone7 · 10/09/2022 00:18

I wouldn't have left my 10-year-old with a 16-year-old sibling who had already mocked and mimicked him? And who was obviously reluctant? I would have done the same thing OP. Sorry your night was ruined. I had a terrible night too (Different reasons). Maybe the reviews to the gig will be terrible!

I don't think 16 years have a lot of empathy generally, it doesn't mean it won't kick in. I'm no expert but I remember on criminal minds once JJ said they could do any of their testing on teenagers as most of them would display as sociopathic! (Or something like that!).... It helps me sleep at night anyway. 😂

Disclaimer - I'm not saying any of this is fact, just a comment on a fictional programme!!!!

StClare101 · 10/09/2022 00:21

The 16 year old wouldn’t get any nice things for a while.

LongLostTeacher · 10/09/2022 00:25

I wouldn’t expect someone to sit with my ten year old or check they’d brushed their teeth.

But I definitely wouldn’t leave my ten year old with someone who was going to ignore them or be unkind to them. I would have stayed like you did, OP.

It must feel really disappointing that your teenager can’t be nice to their sibling, recognise the trust that has been placed in them or make sure you get a night out. I also suspect you might not have been so insistent that your teenager sat with their sibling etc if you had trusted that they were going to treat them nicely. You were looking for proof that they’d behave correctly when you weren’t there and you didn’t find it, so you had to change your plans.

No advice on where to go from here, ut you’ve done the right thing and your entitled to feel low. I hope your DP sees it the same way you do.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 16 year olds Families
EmmiJay · 10/09/2022 00:28

Nah. I wouldn't have left the 16yr old with him either. Sounds like he would have been a bit ✨️annoying✨️ to the little brother when left alone. Continuation type thing. Shame you missed out though😕

CoolerThanIceCream · 10/09/2022 00:29

16YO saw you coming, didn’t he? I was coming on to say exactly what @GreenFingersWouldBeHandy said.

🎻🎶🎶🎶🎶

9thlife · 10/09/2022 00:32

I’d have gone!
he’s 10, not 2. The older (pita) is in the house, they would have been fine.
is this a new thing or does he often look after his brother?

Starwind74 · 10/09/2022 00:35

I thought you were going to say that your older son wanted to out. Although not unreasonable on a Friday night at his age, I can understand your concern about the younger one being left alone. However if you were confident older son would stay in and it was just about the younger ones bedtime, surely he must have been up late in the end anyway if he went to the gig, so I don’t see what was gained by your not going.

Kennykenkencat · 10/09/2022 00:43

My 10 year old was getting the tube into central London on her own to go to school and back again.

Why miss your gig? I don’t understand why your 16 year old had to sit with a 10 year old,
I would have thought your 10 year old would have welcomed being on his own rather than in the same room as his PITA brother

BatshitBanshee · 10/09/2022 00:51

You ruined your own evening. A 10 year old with an older sibling at home doesn't need to be sat with. You should have just gone and left them to it. Now you've taught your teen that he can act like a dick and get his own way because you'll just do it for him.

wackamole · 10/09/2022 00:55

If the 16yo had agreed to stay home with the 10yo while you went out and you skipped getting a babysitter on that basis, then yes, you are right to be annoyed about the way he was acting. But if you discuss it with him, be prepared for him to say you still could have and should have gone and it's not his fault you decided not to go. What would he have done if you'd just said "no nonsense; can I trust you to stay home with your brother and look after him if he needs it, as we agreed?"

I do wonder a bit about your 16yo. It sounds like he wanted the treats, if not the money. Why would he not have just said OK to you and then once you left let his brother brush his teeth and go to bed on his own if he's able? All that was really needed was for the 16yo to commit to staying home until you got back so 10yo wasn't home alone. It seems like he was trying to upset you or perhaps just prove he knows better than you (wanting to claim you're stupid for thinking 10yo needs any help); is there a reason why he would?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/09/2022 00:59

Treat him as he is treating you.

I'd be very disappointed that he couldn't spend one night interacting with his brother.

He would get nothing bar essentials for a month.

Respect is earned and rewarded.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/09/2022 01:07
Hmm
Levellingdown · 10/09/2022 01:08

My 7 yr old doesn’t need sitting with let alone - 10 yr old. You’ve handled this really badly

TwoShades1 · 10/09/2022 01:17

You should have gone to the gig. A 10 year old should be fine by themselves watching tv. Hopefully they remember to brush their teeth but if they don’t once won’t kill them.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/09/2022 01:17

I would have gone but this just highlights how badly behaved your 16yr old is. What is his punishment for his behaviour towards his younger brother? You need to stop being a pushover and start being a parent. You have brought this on yourself.

Its harsh but only you have the power to change the dynamics in your household.

misssunshine4040 · 10/09/2022 01:23

pipwoes · 09/09/2022 20:52

This will put me to anyone who knows but I want to vent
I had tickets to a great gig tonight - a treat as it was also very local. DH and I were going and the plan was that DS(16) would keep an eye on the dog and Ds who's 10
We were getting ready and said " you need to go sit with him (DS2 age 10) and watch tv, make sure he brushes teeth and goes to bed ok"
Older DS starts moaning and groaning and says " he'll be ok. I don't need to sit with him" and so on. We had words earlier as he'd been mean to his younger brother mocking and mimicking him. I had offered money for the "babysitting" and to give him money to go to shop for some treats
He refused to say he'd go downstairs so now I've had to stay home (wouldn't have enjoyed myself leaving 10 year old alone) 10 year old has now gone with DH and I'm home with the teen who has zero regret or shame and just asked if o got him any treats in like I'd said I would.
I'm
Missing the gig and it wasn't cheap and now I feel thoroughly pissed off. Would you be? How can I make the teen see this isn't ok? The irony is we get a family friend the same age to babysits normally and all she has to do is sit with 10 year old and ensure he gets off to bed. I even offered to pay my son

I would be absolutely disgusted and ashamed if my teen behaved like this.
What are you going to do so that he knows he cannot walk all over you?
How immature and disrespectful.

mellicauli · 10/09/2022 01:25

I think you did the right thing.

I think you know if you 10 YO son wants/needs someone there with him. I also know that if a 16 YO is in their bedroom, WW2 could break out downstairs and they wouldn't be aware.

You were paying the older brother to do a babysitting job, not sit in his bedroom. But he wanted to dictate the terms on Day 1 of the job. So he can't be surprised that he's now sacked as a result.

He needs to know that his immature attitude was why he was sacked and won't be reconsidered for earning money this way for at least another 6 months. Make sure he understands just how lucrative it could have been.

16 year old boys - sometimes they are fine but a lot of the time they are simply dickheads. You can only hope that these valuable life lessons are being absorbed at some subconscious level.

IncessantNameChanger · 10/09/2022 01:27

Oh that must be very disappointing for you. I left my 18 year old in charge of a 14 year old ( who needs help cooking nothing else) and two junior age kids. He text me really late at night saying he wanted to kill all of them, and said he's never doing it again unless I pay him. So it wasn't close to murder if say £40+ had changed hands. You can't iterally want to kill someone but be OK with them for some cash. As long as there is no abuse or physical harm I'd let them crack on. Askd ds10 if he did anything for him. If ds10 says no then give the younger boy the cash for babysitting himself. Which I have also done.

Put pizzas in oven. Don't kill anyone. Don't let anyone else kill anyone. Job done. Out I go

Boreded · 10/09/2022 01:34

Should have just gone out

Stompythedinosaur · 10/09/2022 01:42

Had the 16yo agreed to babysit (knowing this involved sitting with his brother) or had you told him he had to?

I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and arrange other childcare in future. The 10yo isn't the 16yo's responsibility. It doesn't sound like to trust your 16yo to be kind to his brother, so probably not a good idea to leave him in charge anyway.

CJsGoldfish · 10/09/2022 01:51

There was no need to miss the gig so can't muster up any sympathy 🤷‍♀️
Just wondering if the 16yr olds reaction is because you often do stuff like this. Act the martyr and make a big deal out of things that really aren't a big deal?

ThisIsNotTheNews · 10/09/2022 01:51

So many arseholes all in one place 🙄

Shame on you who would leave a 10yo to be bullied by a 16yo

carefullycourageous · 10/09/2022 01:55

I wouldn't have felt happy to go either, as the 16yo was being so unhelpful.

Sorry you missed the gig.

NovaDeltas · 10/09/2022 02:54

Martyrdom, as said. Also it's weird you sent the 10 year old to a gig. Thought the kid needed a babysitter and bedtime?

NovaDeltas · 10/09/2022 02:55

ThisIsNotTheNews · 10/09/2022 01:51

So many arseholes all in one place 🙄

Shame on you who would leave a 10yo to be bullied by a 16yo

If her eldest is such a bully is not safe to leave the youngest with him, then she has way bigger issues.

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