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Original poster

Feeling low after spoiled evening

272 replies

pipwoes · 09/09/2022 20:52

This will put me to anyone who knows but I want to vent
I had tickets to a great gig tonight - a treat as it was also very local. DH and I were going and the plan was that DS(16) would keep an eye on the dog and Ds who's 10
We were getting ready and said " you need to go sit with him (DS2 age 10) and watch tv, make sure he brushes teeth and goes to bed ok"
Older DS starts moaning and groaning and says " he'll be ok. I don't need to sit with him" and so on. We had words earlier as he'd been mean to his younger brother mocking and mimicking him. I had offered money for the "babysitting" and to give him money to go to shop for some treats
He refused to say he'd go downstairs so now I've had to stay home (wouldn't have enjoyed myself leaving 10 year old alone) 10 year old has now gone with DH and I'm home with the teen who has zero regret or shame and just asked if o got him any treats in like I'd said I would.
I'm
Missing the gig and it wasn't cheap and now I feel thoroughly pissed off. Would you be? How can I make the teen see this isn't ok? The irony is we get a family friend the same age to babysits normally and all she has to do is sit with 10 year old and ensure he gets off to bed. I even offered to pay my son

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 10/09/2022 11:29

Oh my effing god, why didn't you just go. They would have been fine. Your 16 yo would probably gone and sat downstairs with his brother after you had left, he was just trying to make a point and be difficult. My two get on much better when I'm not around to piss off etc.

Now you've made a massive drama. He probably will feel bad but won't say sorry as you've pushed him into an unreasonable corner. You will have made things worse. He'll feel guilty and instead of being contrite will come out of his corner fighting.

jessycake · 10/09/2022 11:34

I'm with you , your 16 year old is being an arse , next time a paid babysitter and no treats for however long it takes to pay the babysitters wage .

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 10/09/2022 11:41

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 11:24

If you have someone (anyone) watching a child then you expect them to keep an eye out. Something that can't be done from a bedroom with (I'm assuming) the door closed and a headset on. He had agreed to be present for a few hours on a one off occasion. Then he pulled out of this at the last minute.
You can't pull a 10yo out of a burning building if you don't know it's on fire

Oh fgs - they were in the same house. There was no need whatsoever why they had to be in the same room.

One of the tasks the 16 year old was given was to make sure the 10 year old went to bed- by your argument the 16 year old should have sat at the bedside until the OP came home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 16 year olds Families
Midlifemusings · 10/09/2022 11:42

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 11:24

If you have someone (anyone) watching a child then you expect them to keep an eye out. Something that can't be done from a bedroom with (I'm assuming) the door closed and a headset on. He had agreed to be present for a few hours on a one off occasion. Then he pulled out of this at the last minute.
You can't pull a 10yo out of a burning building if you don't know it's on fire

Most people sleep in their homes for hours in separate bedrooms from their children with no one supervising the child. Many kids, much younger than 10, will play alone in their rooms or a playroom with a parent / adult / older sibling present. Kids at 10 even come home to an empty house and stay home alone at times. There are going to be hundreds of times when children are not in direct eyesight of an adult. Kids need independence and to make choices - having an adult constantly present in the room with them isn't healthy.

SheepOnTheBridge · 10/09/2022 11:49

Why he have to sit with the 10 yo? Can he be left unattended or does he need constant watching ?

being in the same house classes and being looked after in my home -as long as the eldest knows the other can call on them if need be

MichelleScarn · 10/09/2022 11:52

jessycake · 10/09/2022 11:34

I'm with you , your 16 year old is being an arse , next time a paid babysitter and no treats for however long it takes to pay the babysitters wage .

Really? That hands a fair bit of power to the 10 yo, be annoying so your brother doesn't agree to babysit you and then he gets punished and penalised!

MichelleScarn · 10/09/2022 11:53

While the 10 yo gets nive treats and molly coddled!

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 10/09/2022 12:04

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 11:24

If you have someone (anyone) watching a child then you expect them to keep an eye out. Something that can't be done from a bedroom with (I'm assuming) the door closed and a headset on. He had agreed to be present for a few hours on a one off occasion. Then he pulled out of this at the last minute.
You can't pull a 10yo out of a burning building if you don't know it's on fire

For goodness sake.

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 12:13

The burning building comment was in reply to someone else mentioning a house in fire dont take it out of context ffs. Reading comprehension people. I stand by if you have agreed to watch someone's child you need to be present. Not tucked away unaware of what's going on in the house

mountainsunsets · 10/09/2022 12:14

pipwoes · 10/09/2022 10:44

As ever everything is taken literally. I did not expect all evening surveillance just not for DS1 to be ignored.

But that is what you expected - it's right there in your OP!

We were getting ready and said " you need to go sit with him (DS2 age 10) and watch tv, make sure he brushes teeth and goes to bed ok"

Why did the 10yo need the 16yo to go and sit with him right away if you didn't expect constant surveillance? Surely the 16yo could stay in his room and the 10yo could watch TV downstairs for a bit without all the drama?

mountainsunsets · 10/09/2022 12:15

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 11:24

If you have someone (anyone) watching a child then you expect them to keep an eye out. Something that can't be done from a bedroom with (I'm assuming) the door closed and a headset on. He had agreed to be present for a few hours on a one off occasion. Then he pulled out of this at the last minute.
You can't pull a 10yo out of a burning building if you don't know it's on fire

By that logic, nobody can go to sleep while there's a 10yo in the house in case it burns down.

A 10yo is more than capable of running upstairs to get his brother if there's an emergency.

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 10/09/2022 12:17

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 12:13

The burning building comment was in reply to someone else mentioning a house in fire dont take it out of context ffs. Reading comprehension people. I stand by if you have agreed to watch someone's child you need to be present. Not tucked away unaware of what's going on in the house

He was present. You don’t need to sit in the same room for goodness sake.

mountainsunsets · 10/09/2022 12:29

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 12:13

The burning building comment was in reply to someone else mentioning a house in fire dont take it out of context ffs. Reading comprehension people. I stand by if you have agreed to watch someone's child you need to be present. Not tucked away unaware of what's going on in the house

He was present - he just was upstairs.

Even if you're being paid for childcare, you really don't need to be in the same room (or on the same floor) as a 10yo the entire time - they're more than capable of hanging out alone for a while and going upstairs to their sibling if they need help with something!

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 10/09/2022 13:14

Usernumber1squillion · 10/09/2022 12:13

The burning building comment was in reply to someone else mentioning a house in fire dont take it out of context ffs. Reading comprehension people. I stand by if you have agreed to watch someone's child you need to be present. Not tucked away unaware of what's going on in the house

I mentioned burning building. Your response to it was ridiculous. As others have pointed out , applying your logic no-one could ever be in a different room from any child, ever.

mellicauli · 10/09/2022 20:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mountainsunsets · 10/09/2022 21:05

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I was often left completely home alone at 10 - and I managed not to burn the house down, stab myself with a chopstick or knock myself out sliding down the stairs.

Why do you think the average 10yo is stupid enough to do all those things in the first place?

mellicauli · 10/09/2022 21:12

If there was zero chance they would do those things, you wouldn't bother with a babysitter at all. There are a lot of sensible 10 year olds out there and yes, I am sure. I would never have dreamed of doing any of those things. But my boys just like a bit of peril - and there are plenty like them. In fact, the sledge thing is exactly what my two did together the first time we left them on their own together (probably aged 10 and 16).

oosha · 11/09/2022 19:07

I would personally take something off your son that he will really feel such as his mobile or access to the internet. I wouldn’t tolerate that, he should feel the implications of his behaviour.

Bard6817 · 11/09/2022 19:15

No pocket money for a while til he has repaid what you lost for the gig.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 11/09/2022 19:19

How do you get them to do this without losing your shit?

I have read all your posts and I think some people are being out of order. You have different expectations of a 10 year old than a 16 year old - yeah I'm sure the older one thinks he's hard done by just like previous posters are saying Hmm. That doesn't mean you're favouring one of them for crying out loud.

While I think you were probably being a bit of a martyr not going out, I can see your point that you just want a verbal acknowledgment of what you're asking so you know you there is someone with a bit of authority at home.

In answer to your specific question though - if they don't flush the toilet I drag all three into the bathroom (unless I know who it was) and tell them next time I will be getting them in to flush AND scrub the toilet. If it's rubbish, I might gather it up and stick it in a blazer pocket or under a pillow.

I'm not going to lie though, a lot of the time they get yelled at. It is disrespectful to leave trash lying about the house, so if I've asked and it's not happened (and believe me, I do not keep a show home level of tidiness!) then I will turn off the console or whatever and tell them they can have it back once they've shown some common decency and done one of the very few things I ask of them.

RavenhairedRachel · 11/09/2022 19:56

Stop his spending money for 6 months. Selfish little sod.

mellicauli · 11/09/2022 20:35

This kind of punative approach works fine with younger teens. But at 16 it's not appropriate or effective any more. Your adult sensibilities mean you will always lose any battle of wills over sanctions. They play Putin to your Obama.

The only way is to flatter their growing sense of adulthood: I was really hoping you;'d step up. I was really relying on you to look after your brother. Make it clear that them showing responsible adult behaviour is the way for them to get the adult freedoms they crave.

Solonge · 11/09/2022 20:37

If your elder son is mean to younger son no way would I have asked him to sit or left them together! Your poor younger son doesn’t deserve an evening of bullying. Tell your older boy no treats, no nothing till he starts behaving his age and any more bullying, I would pull allowance or treats…going out etc.

Lulibee · 11/09/2022 20:47

It seems your 16 year isn’t mature enough to handle responsibility. Such a shame for you all.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 11/09/2022 20:54

Lulibee · 11/09/2022 20:47

It seems your 16 year isn’t mature enough to handle responsibility. Such a shame for you all.

The 16 year old really isn't the one who was at fault here or behaved immaturely.