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Original poster

Feeling low after spoiled evening

272 replies

pipwoes · 09/09/2022 20:52

This will put me to anyone who knows but I want to vent
I had tickets to a great gig tonight - a treat as it was also very local. DH and I were going and the plan was that DS(16) would keep an eye on the dog and Ds who's 10
We were getting ready and said " you need to go sit with him (DS2 age 10) and watch tv, make sure he brushes teeth and goes to bed ok"
Older DS starts moaning and groaning and says " he'll be ok. I don't need to sit with him" and so on. We had words earlier as he'd been mean to his younger brother mocking and mimicking him. I had offered money for the "babysitting" and to give him money to go to shop for some treats
He refused to say he'd go downstairs so now I've had to stay home (wouldn't have enjoyed myself leaving 10 year old alone) 10 year old has now gone with DH and I'm home with the teen who has zero regret or shame and just asked if o got him any treats in like I'd said I would.
I'm
Missing the gig and it wasn't cheap and now I feel thoroughly pissed off. Would you be? How can I make the teen see this isn't ok? The irony is we get a family friend the same age to babysits normally and all she has to do is sit with 10 year old and ensure he gets off to bed. I even offered to pay my son

OP posts:
mountainsunsets · 09/09/2022 23:00

You're being a martyr and you spoiled your own night out.

10 year olds don't need "sitting with" all evening - why on earth do you think they do?

SammyScrounge · 09/09/2022 23:06

There are a great many people on this thread who are casual about leaving a 10 year old in the care of teenager who may not be very caring about his little brother.
The OP would have been irresponsible to leave the boy when she had doubts. She knows her own children best.

Nevertouchakoala · 09/09/2022 23:11

why on earth did you miss the gig? They would have been fine just in the same house! He’s 10 not 2.

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Dacadactyl · 09/09/2022 23:13

If the plan had been for my 16 yo to look after the younger one and then on the evening of the event the 16 yo refused to it, I would have been absolutely fuming and stayed home too. But the 16 yo would also lose their phone and anything they enjoyed so as they could understand what my issue was.

I don't agree that a 10 yo is OK to be left to their own devices and I would also want to know they weren't just left to sort themselves out while I was out.

Howardsbend · 09/09/2022 23:17

Would you really miss a gig over whether or not a ten year old brushed his teeth for one night?

I cannot comprehend how that was even a thing in your mind. I would have reduced my expectations and got him to agree to brush his own teeth at ten. Do you expect the older one to baby him generally? He might be very fed up.

Sooverthisnow · 09/09/2022 23:24

OP, do you normally sit with your 10 year old all evening? If not, then why should you expect your 16 year old to do so.
If you do, then why is that? 10 is quite old to have someone sitting with them all evening.

Bananarama21 · 09/09/2022 23:26

Hes 10 not a baby. Do you give any independence?

Hillrunning · 09/09/2022 23:26

Huge marty. The being mean to his little brother element is irrelevant because you were happy to arrange for him to babysit already knowing that bit of information. So you just got in a huff because your son didn't follow you odd insistence that he literally sit by his brother until bedtime. You have very much cut off you nose to spite your face here.

Also what gig is a 10 year old going to?

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 09/09/2022 23:28

More fool you.

RicherThanYew · 09/09/2022 23:30

My smarmy teenage sibling would batter me as punishment for him being made to babysit, I also got to witness him beating up his 16 year old girlfriend. My mother was clueless. You did the right thing Op.

FuckThisForAGameOfNotSoldiers · 09/09/2022 23:30

Get a babysitter next time. He may think again.

MarshaMelrose · 09/09/2022 23:31

I wouldn't have bothered about my 10yo and 16yo being in different rooms. Sounds normal for my house. But I would be concerned if he'd been winding his brother up because I know to my cost what that can lead to.
He sounds like a very immature 16yo and he would feel my wrath in the the form of the next couple of weeks being the most miserable of his life. 🤨

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 09/09/2022 23:34

Sounds like 10 year old is treated like a baby!

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 09/09/2022 23:39

So a ten year old is old enough to go to an adult gig but not be able to clean teeth on own . So weird! Also only one night, so why the major drama?

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 09/09/2022 23:45

YABU. I’d lower my standards on the night to ‘No one died. No one cried.’ As long as the 16 year didn’t actively wind up the 10 year old and the 10 year felt confident to tell teenager if house was on fire etc

LazyJayne · 09/09/2022 23:48

If you don’t trust your 16 year old to look after your 10 year old without being mean, you need to make alternative arrangements.

That being said, a 10 year old shouldn’t need ‘sitting with’ unless they have additional needs.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/09/2022 23:51

He's got you right in the palm of his hand and played you like a fiddle.

GoodbyeErinsborough · 09/09/2022 23:55

Hellocatshome · 09/09/2022 21:08

Unless you 10 year old has additional needs he doesnt need sitting with. Just having older DS in the same house and making sure he eats, brushes his teeth and goes to bed would be enough. Even if the 10 year old didn't brush his teeth or go to bed until late as long as he is safe as a one off surely it wouldn't really matter that much?

This. There is no need for your older ds to sit with/watch tv with the younger one!
I never see my 10yo ds. Even to the point where we have started watching some shitty early 2000's programme together so he will actually be in my company!

EVHead · 09/09/2022 23:56

I’m with most other posters.

If the worst case scenario was that when you got back from the gig DS10 was still up and hadn’t brushed his teeth yet, what would have been the problem with that?

KentuckyDerbyandJoan · 09/09/2022 23:56

You’ve completely overreacted OP, you should have gone to the gig.

BloodyCamping · 10/09/2022 00:04

I would have still gone and checked in afterwards to see how they got on and the support given by eldest. Sometimes kids carry responsibilities well, sometimes they are too immature.

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/09/2022 00:10

You're crazy. You should have just gone and left them to it. A 10 year old is perfectly capable of co exisiting with a 16 yr old without any real supervision. They would have been fine, so what if he missed brushing his teeth for one night, it really isnt the end of the world.

SD1978 · 10/09/2022 00:13

Sorry- but a 10 yr old does not need constant visual observation by anyone. Would he have got much interaction from your 16 year old? Probably not. Would he have cleaned his teeth? Maybe. Would he be going to bed at a decent time- probably not. If anything happened and he needed an ambulance would one have been called? Yes. So I really think you martyred yourself for nothing here.

TrashyPanda · 10/09/2022 00:18

Why can’t he sit downstairs by himself?
or let them both be upstairs in their rooms?

his brother doesn’t have to literally watch him - he isn’t a baby/toddler

Beansycheese · 10/09/2022 00:18

I would have set the 10 year old up with snacks and instructions, but shit would have rained down on the older sib. Because you do everything for them and ask one favour ...