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Original poster

Feeling low after spoiled evening

272 replies

pipwoes · 09/09/2022 20:52

This will put me to anyone who knows but I want to vent
I had tickets to a great gig tonight - a treat as it was also very local. DH and I were going and the plan was that DS(16) would keep an eye on the dog and Ds who's 10
We were getting ready and said " you need to go sit with him (DS2 age 10) and watch tv, make sure he brushes teeth and goes to bed ok"
Older DS starts moaning and groaning and says " he'll be ok. I don't need to sit with him" and so on. We had words earlier as he'd been mean to his younger brother mocking and mimicking him. I had offered money for the "babysitting" and to give him money to go to shop for some treats
He refused to say he'd go downstairs so now I've had to stay home (wouldn't have enjoyed myself leaving 10 year old alone) 10 year old has now gone with DH and I'm home with the teen who has zero regret or shame and just asked if o got him any treats in like I'd said I would.
I'm
Missing the gig and it wasn't cheap and now I feel thoroughly pissed off. Would you be? How can I make the teen see this isn't ok? The irony is we get a family friend the same age to babysits normally and all she has to do is sit with 10 year old and ensure he gets off to bed. I even offered to pay my son

OP posts:
Tha · 09/09/2022 21:41

At 10 I'd have only expected the 16yo to be there in case the house floods or someone starts ringing the door etc. Who cares if teeth aren't brushed for one night?

Why does this feel like ragebait?

Original poster
pipwoes · 09/09/2022 21:43

Hmm ok. Mixed responses. I didn't feel I could leave him worrying if his brother was going to ignore him / be an arse.
But it's good to get perspective so thanks
Martyr? Ouch.

OP posts:
NoMoreChubRub · 09/09/2022 21:45

Im sorry but my 10yr old will happy sit downstairs if dh at work and im out with teen upstairs.
Or sometimes if im upstairs working for maybe 3 or 4 hrs at night they will sit down alone on laptop or tv. In the dark normally too? No idea why the dark but she does

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Happyhappyday · 09/09/2022 21:46

Who cares if his brother ignores him? At that age I’d be aiming for house not destroyed and 16 not having a party, everything is fine and not worth giving up something you wanted. I was a very cooperative teen but I’d have been well annoyed of my parents insisted I sit with my younger brother when we were alone in the house.

if 16yo was a pain too WHY would you let them go instead of you??

SnowDear · 09/09/2022 21:49

He’s 10 not 2

MichelleScarn · 09/09/2022 21:49

What time was the gig? Why could 10yo not just go to bed? Surely you didn't think 16yo would actively cause risk? So 10 yo got to go to a gig at night because he and brother can't he trusted to behave together at home?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/09/2022 21:49

A ten year old can remember to brush their own teeth or wake up feeling gross - their problem. They also don’t need physically sitting with, that’s ridiculous.

It sounds like the older one was resentful at being asked despite the offer of payment hence being mean to his brother so in future ask someone else.

But it seems like some of this was inevitable and you can be annoyed but you also made choices.

BeetrootBeetrootGhali · 09/09/2022 21:51

Another vote for martyr here.

Why would you mr 16 year old have to physically sit by his younger brother?

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 09/09/2022 21:54

This is ridiculous. A 10 year old does not need someone sitting with them. And if you were so worried about 10 year old's bedtime why would you send him out tonight? Surely he will be back past his bedtime. You can feel low, but it's all on you that you are feeling that way.

Womencanlift · 09/09/2022 22:03

Only yourself to blame on missing out OP.

Unless your DS suddenly became a moany teen today then you likely knew this would happen and should have arranged another babysitter

However I agree with others that you are being a martyr here and your DS would have been fine in a different room to his sibling

Costacoffeeplease · 09/09/2022 22:26

I think your older teen is right, he didn’t need to sit with the 10 year old, he’s 10 not 2.

Another martyr vote here

Rewis · 09/09/2022 22:27

I agree with others that a 10yo does not need someone to ait with. They can both do their thing and if he doenst brush his teeth or goes to bed late. That's fine. Unless your worry is that 16yo would ignore the 10yo in a way that would actually be harmful?

However, your 16yo sounds really immature. Mocking and mimicking at that age? Is there more to their relationship?

Goldbar · 09/09/2022 22:29

Since your teen had said that he would babysit, I'd be tempted to dock any allowance/pocket money he gets to cover the cost of your wasted ticket. And get a different babysitter in future.

newbiename · 09/09/2022 22:35

Happyhappyday · 09/09/2022 21:46

Who cares if his brother ignores him? At that age I’d be aiming for house not destroyed and 16 not having a party, everything is fine and not worth giving up something you wanted. I was a very cooperative teen but I’d have been well annoyed of my parents insisted I sit with my younger brother when we were alone in the house.

if 16yo was a pain too WHY would you let them go instead of you??

The 16 year old didn't go.

Testina · 09/09/2022 22:37

What is this gig that a 10yo has gone instead?!

I think you pandered to your 16yo right back when you offered babysitting money and treats for something he should have just done. You set him up to think he should have his arse licked to do anything.

Tell him you’re pissed off and disappointed that he wouldn’t do something for you. And stand firm next time he wants a lift or other favour 🤷🏻‍♀️

KylieCharlene · 09/09/2022 22:43

I'd not leave a 10yr old with a 16yr old who is acting like a brat either.
How could OP enjoy her evening thinking her older lad is being horrible to his brother and won't even spend time with him?

m00rfarm · 09/09/2022 22:46

Good grief - he is ten, not a baby! He will be in senior school next year. I think you were crazy not to go. Surely the 10 year old can deal with his brother staying in his room for a few hours.

pictish · 09/09/2022 22:47

Another here who would have left them to it. Your 16 yr old doesn’t need to sit with your 10 yr old so long as he’s in the house and contactable.
Silly you staying in.

RaRaRaspoutine · 09/09/2022 22:48

16 yo boys aren’t known for their empathy levels. Agree with a PP who said Wi-Fi password change encourages better behaviour. Plus no, no treats tonight or for a long time for him.

FromEden · 09/09/2022 22:48

I generally only see my 10 year old in the evening when she comes out for a snack or a drink. She is gaming/Watching tv upstairs/ talking to friends over FaceTime etc. I tell her when it's time to go go to bed and brush her teeth. Your ds would have been totally fine once someone was in the house with him

OneFrenchEgg · 09/09/2022 22:51

Sibling relationships are tricky. If I'd hit a sense that my 16 year old might be an arse to my 10 year old (as opposed to just ignoring him) I'd have stayed. However I would probably have set the 10 year old up in early bed with a tv/game/phone with a film/snacks and let the 16 year old have the run of downstairs.

PenguinMan · 09/09/2022 22:57

You are being a martyr. Ds2 was perfectly safe.

I agree.

Once you’d gone older DS probably would have come downstairs anyway.

He doesn’t need to be right next to him to look after him.
It’s just having someone older and more responsible in the house.

Mosso · 09/09/2022 22:58

Martyr here too. I can't believe you didn't go.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/09/2022 22:58

A 10 year old doesn’t need sitting with! No wonder DS16 didn’t want to do it if you expected him to sit next to his brother all evening. Is that what you do every evening? DS16 being upstairs in his room should have been fine. Would have been reasonable give him instructions to check in on his brother periodically and even make him set reminders on his phone if you must and obviously reasonable to ask him to get his brother to bed with teeth brushed etc for a certain time but you made the favour into a chore by expecting him to sit down with his brother the whole time. 10 years old is old enough to self occupy for an evening.

PenguinMan · 09/09/2022 22:59

When you say older DS being an arse, what do you mean?

There’s typical older sibling behaviour of not wanting to play childish games or something but then there’s much more sinister behaviour like bullying or being violent.

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