What do you think is the ideal child custody arrangement?

[AdamRyan]

Having read yet another thread where the poor op is being crucified for doing 50/50 care with exH, sometimes it feels as if MN is all "LTB" on the relationships board and then "child is not a parcel" on parenting threads and it confuses me.

So, what is the best set up, assuming 2 parents both want to see their children ad much as possible?

@C0rnflake have you tried talking to him about how much you value the child free time, how it’s allowed you to increase your earning potential putting you in a much better position than maint would have, and how much better your relationship with your daughter is than if you did all of the « mum work ».

i reckon you’d have more nights within a few weeks 😁

@wildseas hahaha yeah probably. He's actually texted me today to say he's struggling with her so fingers crossed i can have her more and it's his idea. She's not naughty in the slightest for me but ever since we've separated he hasn't put any boundaries in place or disciplined at all, right down to important stuff like wearing suncream, or socks 🤦🏻‍♀️ we've had huge rows about it. So what he is seeing is the result of his own actions and laziness 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh that’s perfect - he’s done the job for you !!!!!

Thank you! I’ll check them out.

It’s so much more complex than this, and totally depends on how shit/not shit the parents are. My parents divorced when I was 8.

I saw my dad for daytime visits (almost always supervised by my mum) anywhere from twice a month to once in every 2-3 months. I only ever recall an overnight with my dad and that was when I was 16 (we went on holiday with his partner). Even when we did have ‘holidays’ prior to this, my mum would come too and she and I would sleep in a separate hotel room. Tbh, my dad was pretty shit and incompetent. I’m really grateful my mum was there to look out for me. I would not have wanted forced overnights or any more time than I had.

That said, Dh is a wonderful dad. Probably better at this parenting thing than me. We are super happily married, but I would find it hard to justify with myself why either of us should have more than 50/50. Dh really is as great at everything as I am.