I've messed up dd's uni

[SewhereIam]

Dd starts uni this year. She is sharing accommodation with her boyfriend. His family are more comfortably off than me, and paid the deposit and the first month's rent, which was incredibly kind.

I am on universal credit, and we break even every month. Dd informed me three days ago that they get the keys for their flat at the weekend, but term doesn't start for another month, and she doesn't receive any student finance until then either.

Dd wants to move in this weekend, and for me to get them their food shopping until term starts. She will also need money until her loan comes in. I can't afford it, I have £150 left in my bank account and more bills coming out on the 1st.

Her boyfriend gets a large stipend every month from his family, whereas dd doesn't. I feel like I have set her up to fail and have left her destitute and don't know what to do.

Sorry, OP, cross posted with you so you answered some questions!

The full student loan should cover what she needs in reality , although lots do find it tough and so get jobs.

I am a bit surprised that uni accommodation has a start date before freshers' week and lets them move in.

I think your DD is making a mountain out of a molehill tbh
Her rent and bills are paid for the month, she can't afford to move in until term starts, as with all other students she just needs to wait till freshers

And she has also started applying for jobs in her uni town, she has been doing so for the past few weeks and had a few interviews, but no job yet. Fingers crossed though xx

Can you afford a very modest essentials shop equivalent to what she would cost you at home. She can also register for benefits from 2nd September (I think it is) until day 1 of term

According to OP's latest post, she is in student accommodation though.

We are fortunate in that we are able to help our children ( two of who are at uni)
However, they both have a part time job and both worked throughout the summer as cleaners.
As others have said your dd is aware of your situation and shouldn’t have asked you for anything.

@EleanorShellstrop28

My dd still had £1000 left out of her loan at the end of the year. She doesn't go out and lives on brown rice and dal, her own luxury is fresh coriander. Most students do get by on the loan

£400 EACH for a studio?! Jesus.

She's being unreasonable and I don't quite understand why you've posted this thread. You've not 'messed up her uni' by not being able to fund her moving in early. You've don't nothing wrong, and there's nothing wrong with saying no. You don't need to martyr yourself on the altar of your child because she has a wealthy boyfriend.

It sounds like you've babied her till now, so this might be a steep learning curve for her. Or, it might not, if her boyfriend is fully funded by his parents.

You know that's not actually a 'normal' uni experience, right? Is she ok?

Most students want a bit more out of university than that, though!

But that sounds rubbish, not a normal student experience at all. She might be getting by but is she enjoying her time there?

Anyway. I would be surprised if OP's daughter can't get a job in hospitality, they seem to be desperate around here (university town).

You have not messed up. But I think it is a really bad idea to move in with a boyfriend in your first term of university. Has she just finished school and therefore only 18/19.
They are going to get in a hell of a mess if things go pear shaped.

Well re food shopping - I’d get a big cheap value pack of pasta, rice and Cous cous , will they have a fridge / freezer? Some frozen veg and fruit, some tins - if they have the basics they’ll have to make the best of it !

If she goes early then she's ideally placed to get a job there straight away. If she's got no savings she'll have to live off her overdraft until payday or her loans come through.

It's not a good start, but if she's old enough to live with her boyfriend she's old enough to work to pay her way.

There are some good suggestions on here.
I'd suggest she makes getting a part time job a priority. My DD managed to get a job as soon as she started Uni at Pizza Express, really great tips and come home with a huge pizza after every shift! She used to either take it home or give it to someone homeless.

I don't know how people can afford to put their kids through uni these days without them getting a job.

i expect she needs to go to cafes for example in person to enquire about work
glad you have got it sorted though

lazymum99 came on here to say the same thing. I have never heard of kids heading to the same uni as a couple remaining so. My DS and his GF separated within 6 weeks.

The whole point of student bank accounts used to be how to feed yourself pot noodles and cider until your delayed grant cheque turned up.

She just doesn't realise that yet.

The uni is thankfully close enough that she can do a few nights with bf and a few nights here (he has a car and so do I, so we can do the travelling between us).

Why should you be ferrying her around? Let her get the train.

Hotels need housekeeping staff. She could try all the budget chains in uni town - Travelodge, Premier etc. And does the university itself advertise jobs to students? Cleaning, cafeteria etc. Or if the cleaning is contracted out, she could find out who the contractor is, and apply.

Sounds like private halls. Do they allow double occupancy of a studio? They are usually tiny box rooms!

Hardly ideal

I don’t know about other places but for Ds Move in day is 10th Sept with freshers starting on 12th Sept but his loan doesn’t come in until 19th which is his first timetabled week.

After halls are paid he will have £68.44 per week to live off.

She’s had all summer to find work - I can’t believe that she hasn’t been able to at least pick up some bar shifts somewhere or even factory shifts if she needed the money. She can’t expect you to fund this - most people spend the summer before they start uni working all the shifts they can get to put money away for it.

Why is she moving in with her boyfriend in the first year? What happened to living in halls and having fun? Id be more stressed about that.

why ever not?