I've messed up dd's uni

[SewhereIam]

Dd starts uni this year. She is sharing accommodation with her boyfriend. His family are more comfortably off than me, and paid the deposit and the first month's rent, which was incredibly kind.

I am on universal credit, and we break even every month. Dd informed me three days ago that they get the keys for their flat at the weekend, but term doesn't start for another month, and she doesn't receive any student finance until then either.

Dd wants to move in this weekend, and for me to get them their food shopping until term starts. She will also need money until her loan comes in. I can't afford it, I have £150 left in my bank account and more bills coming out on the 1st.

Her boyfriend gets a large stipend every month from his family, whereas dd doesn't. I feel like I have set her up to fail and have left her destitute and don't know what to do.

Does she have any old stuff she could sell.via eBay or Facebook.
what about clothes: dpop or vinted ?
is there anything you usually buy op that would actually work out the same if your bought a bulk or family pack?then could you do a biig portion/meal and split off for her.so your not actually losing out making a bigger meal.

id say everyone I no that managed uni
also ate you both on the olio app and magic boxes?

On the other hand it’s highly expected that parents support their adult children through uni financially. if you're MC maybe, for WC kids, ie ones who's parents are on UC, you get a job, save, get a loan, get a job etc. I worked all term and every summer holiday

Useful to have dates and numbers for comparison, @Comefromaway! My DD is pretty much the same. Move in on 8th, freshers 12th, loan on 19th. She will have just under £100 per week for living; she deliberately picked the cheapest single room that the uni offers (her budget, her choice).

I gather that a lot of unis are later and more expensive. (For reference, DD is going to Anglia Ruskin.)

dd worked in the uni bar

It's expected for parents who earn above the threshold to support their children. Not for those on low incomes whose young people get the full loan amount.

She can apply for the university hardship fund. It's exactly for situations like this.

Tell her to get a job.

If you're WC or on UC your kids will get full loans - kids of parents who work, earn a reasonable wage but still struggle, however, don't. Parents have to choose whether to reduce their outgoings and support their kids, or have their kids at a financial disadvantage. The loan system sucks - students should be able to get the amount they choose up to the maximum, not this ridiculous requirement for parents who can't afford it to have their kids disadvantaged.

She should reconsider her accommodation for next year. Get a house share like most people do.

You have most definitely not set her up to fail or left her destitute. She can live with you (I presume as she is now) until term starts and she gets the stipend. If she chooses to move before then, that's her choice and she needs to fund it. It's not your responsibility.

Yup. And she's not going to make many friends if she's living on her own with her boyfriend. They'll be too wrapped up in each other. Did she want to go to this uni before her boyfriend did?

Exactly this.

I'm not sure if it's been posted already (read OP's posts, not full thread.) but this is really concerning.

Firstly I feel it sounds like they are sharing a single occupancy room, not in a double room - the way you said 'if one person was paying it alone...' so you need to check this.

Secondly it's such a bad idea to move in with your boyfriend at the start of university. She & he need space & also a buffer against anything going wrong. If they break up, it will be very messy re accommodation.

I guess the decision is made now but please do what you can to make some contingency plans.

She’s going to need to find work if she wants to live in shared accommodation with her BF. She’s a adult now and needs to plan where her money is going to come from and how it’s spent. My dd is starting uni too, she has been unable to find a job because she has disabilities and because we live in the middle of nowhere, she has saved money from birthdays/Christmas’s etc.. and has paid her own deposit for halls (as her loan won’t be through until she starts).

Good practice for later life to have to work, regardless of family background. I only agreed to fund my DS once he'd found a job. I was happy to ‘price match’!

It keeps our relationship sane. I work long hours and damned hard for my salary. No way am I handing, whilst iseeing him frequently out partying. Earning his own money, gives him some responsibility and independence, makes him realise how long and hard he has to work for his ‘cocktail night’ 😂 - and if that is worth it to him, that's fine - his choice.

Yes I wouldn't bank on them lasting the year tbh

You've done nothing wrong
Your DD's expectations are wrong
It's all very well wanting to move in with BF but she can't afford it!
Most 1 years live in halls( 2 of mine have graduated) which is good for them
Because it's cheaper and a good way of integrating into student life
She needs a reality check, so please don't feel guilty for telling her this

On the other hand it’s highly expected that parents support their adult children through uni financially.

Mumsnet really is a MC cushioned little bubble on some topics and subjects. As though everyone is married with a decent joint income and able to do this. Fair enough if you can but the ignorance of other people's circumstances is galling.

I'm a single parent, I have a good job but the salary isn't worth much any more thanks to stagnation and the affordability of everything. There is no way I will be able to support my two children through university. It just won't be possible. I'm already keenly aware that they're already at a disadvantage due to having separated parents so frankly it just makes me feel rubbish.

Sorry for derail OP but comments like the above really wind me up.

Your daughter needs to get a job!!

Also, is the flat cheaper than student halls?? As a student, it would have been prudent to avoid the council tax and utility bills that come with a private rental

Ft students are exempt from ct and accommodation may include utility bills.

She can claim UC for one month. If she logs in , uploads her tenancy , agrees to look for work etc then they’ll give her an advance of about £500 or something. Then when her student loan clears tell them , stop the claim and pay the money back. I had children when I studied full time and got UC all through the summer between payments . I couldn’t work through the summer as had zero support with high needs child so was grateful for 3 month UC payments .

She sounds very immature for someone about to live alone, an adult.

She's 18 I assume but doesn't realize how much things cost or how unreasonable a request like this is. She knew when the flat started and when the term started, and that she doesn't have savings or a job.

I'd be concerned about someone like this living alone as it doesn't sound like she's anywhere near ready to be responsible for herself.

What a sad experience she must’ve had!

My son gets his uni accommodation keys and doesn't start his term until 3-4 weeks later. He knows we can't subsidise him at all and so he saved his government trust fund from his birthday and has had a part time job to save the money up over the last 2 months. He's managed to save £1.5k just collecting glasses and serving food so I really don't know why your daughter couldn't have done similar?

This really isn't your fault!

bit unnecessary @Lacey247

Not read the full thread, but moving in with her home bf for first year?

Please advise her to get an exit strategy worked out just in case.

I only know 1 couple who stayed together from before uni. Most (myself included) had broken up by Christmas.