I've messed up dd's uni

[SewhereIam]

Dd starts uni this year. She is sharing accommodation with her boyfriend. His family are more comfortably off than me, and paid the deposit and the first month's rent, which was incredibly kind.

I am on universal credit, and we break even every month. Dd informed me three days ago that they get the keys for their flat at the weekend, but term doesn't start for another month, and she doesn't receive any student finance until then either.

Dd wants to move in this weekend, and for me to get them their food shopping until term starts. She will also need money until her loan comes in. I can't afford it, I have £150 left in my bank account and more bills coming out on the 1st.

Her boyfriend gets a large stipend every month from his family, whereas dd doesn't. I feel like I have set her up to fail and have left her destitute and don't know what to do.

Are your her rent guarantor? That would be my concern in these circumstances: moving in with a boyfriend could go wrong.

I fully expect ds's student loan to cover everything he needs.

Yes, how about she gets off her arse and starts looking after herself by earning some money?

does she have any othe rrelatives who could chip in?
has she got all her kitichenware?

The student loan does not cover all that a student needs. They need either a job or parental funding.

You've done nothing wrong, she needs to find herself a part time job. Which in a student city shouldn't be too hard.

She needs to get a job then, what's she doing for a month if term doesn't start yet? Hanging out with her bf expecting you to keep her? I worked all through uni, my parents didn't send me money, if I wanted money on top of my loan I went out and worked for it. Why hasn't she had a summer job and saved this money up if she knew she was planning on moving out a month early? I worked all summer and saved hard so I wasn't waiting for my student loan. Sounds like she has some growing up to do.

Bar jobs pay well and night clubs even better as they are open longer - DD does 4 nights a month - £60 per night £240
She had a job - any savings?

Im amazed you agreed to this - she should be mixing with others and having fun no living with a boyfriend.

It's not the norm for 1st year students to live in small private rentals.
Do you have experience of uni (personally or with other children) or is this new to you?
Maybe your DD and BF led you to believe that them living in private rental is the norm.
Plenty of young adults go through university with no or very little financial support from their parents. They rack up massive loans and/or have jobs while studying.

Your DD will need to find more affordable accommodation through the uni, or a house share, and needs to understand that she can only start living there when her finance comes in.

And if she's mature enough to live with her BF, then they should both be mature enough to discuss finances if they are expecting their parents to support them.

Why the rush. I'd try to find this out first.
At first glance, it looks to me, like she wants to play grownups for a month with her BF. Moving in with him is a risky move anyway but hopefully they'll be OK.
Gently, bring her down to Earth and remind her there are no money available for such whims. An extra month's living funds (and rent?).
Separately, she should be spending this month working (anywhere) and looking for a job in the new location. This is the reality of grownup life.
By all means, help with anything you possibly can if there is food or household items she can use from your home and any money you can spare as and when. Otherwise you simply cannot support this decision of hers and she is getting carried away enmeshed in the reality of her BF. Currently, money wise, this is not her reality.

But it won't? Nobody can live on a student loan alone. He will need to find a job. At LEAST one job. I never met anyone who managed to live on a student loan alone!

My daughter managed perfectly fine on the amount of a student loan. She did get a p/t job but that was to run her car and when her place of work closed down due to covid and she ws unable to get another job she managed perfectly fine (her course was very high contact hours 8.30am - 6.00pm every day so p/t jobs were difficult).

Ds hopes to get a job for extras/socialising but will manage fine if he can't. He is studying music so again, high contact hours and the expectation you are available evenings and weekends for rehearsals and performances.

op would she just trying ask money for you because that's what she hears others are doing?

sounds like no thought has gone into this

My daughter managed perfectly fine on the amount of a student loan.

Some students get £9000+ Student loan and others only get £4200. Their ability to survive on ‘just’ the loan will be heavily impacted by which amount they get.

My student DS tried to pull the ‘there aren't any part time jobs locally’ stunt...whilst living in one of the biggest tourist cities in the UK...

On a visit to him and whilst having a coffee in a cafe/bistro - I secured him the much needed part time job, through talking to the cafe owner and emailing as my DS afterwards...😱😂....then confessed.

NO JOBS....pull the other one.
He couldn't manage his time at uni without working.

I'm talking about the full loan amount (which for ds will be minimum loan topped up to the level of the maximum by us). Dd was on a course that was not eligible for student loan but we gave her the exact amount that the loan was at that time (she graduated in 2021).

I'd be worried about a [presumably] 18 year old moving in with a boyfriend, that's very, very young.

The money thing is relatively easy to deal with, OP can gently say 'no chance', it's eminently possible that the daughter isn't experienced enough to have properly understood or thought through the unreasonableness of her request, this could be a useful lesson.

I was just coming here to say that! The loan is means-tested. If they get the full loan then that should be enough to live on (if they have reasonable rent). If they get less than the loan, then the "expectation" is that parents will top up to that level (roughly £9500 outside London), since the amount is based on parental income. This is only hinted at in the letter that students receive, which is bizarre.

There are so many hospitality jobs at the moment, the industry is always looking for people to fill these roles. Or supermarket jobs. At 18 you should be able to suck up most jobs! Or sign up with a few temp agencies.

I agree it’s a very unusual choice to move in with a BF at 18 when you’re just starting uni. You don’t get to mix as much and it’s very early to be sharing that level of financial commitment. Each to his own though. I would argue as others have done if she’s making such a big step at such a young age she needs to take some responsibility for herself beyond what a normal student in halls would. That includes food shopping !!

If it’s student specific accommodation you can usually defer any payments until student loans come through. Drop the landlord an email.

Also why exactly do you have to pay for BF’s food too?! Is he not also an adult who is capable of getting a job?

Also depends on where they are based. As above, ‘one of the biggest tourist cities in the Uk’ - rent is extortionate. ( 5 students in a God-forsaken hole, no living room just a kitchen with a small sofa, as the living room is another bedroom, £600 per month each plus all bills).

Some student flats are in an awful condition - (think facetime call where DS’s hair was moving slightly and I asked if he had a window open...no the breeze was through the gap in the frame...😱- you can imagine the heating bills...)

Airbnb has flooded the market, monthly rents are high, the nicer flats rented per night.

@Comefromaway

you can 'expect' all you like, but have you actually looked at the costs? There's no way the SL will cover most students living expenses entirely, let alone any transport, she's, clothes, or going out

Ah this is really difficult.
On the one hand it’s absolutely not your fault that you aren’t in the same financial situation his parents are.
On the other hand it’s highly expected that parents support their adult children through uni financially. Hopefully your DD is getting the max loan due to you being on UC and should also explore any bursaries or grants she’s entitled to. Yes having a part time job is an option but this depends massively on the type of course she is on and the ability she has to work along side that. My husband did a medical degree and absolutely could not work along side it. My best friend did a nursing degree and also couldn’t have worked.

Its not your fault and technically it’s not your problem BUT I was your DD and it was horrible feeling like all of my peers had a safety net and freedom I never did because their parents could help them whereas mine couldn’t

You have done nothing wrong. Your daughter should have been saving/working this summer to cover the costs.
She needs a part-time job asap.