Centreparcs with dss - dreading it

[nelle45]

We are going away to CP for 4 nights, me, dh, dd 10 & dss 14, we were going to go somewhere else but have decided on CP purely as its better for dss due to his age.

He never wants to participate in anything and honestly i am dreading this trip.

We prepped him and said if he feels he won't want to do anything then not to come and ruin it for us, as harsh as it sounds its true. It would be shit for dd and for us as there will be arguments. Plus we could've just gone to the first cheaper option which would've been fine for just us and dd.

He isn't allowed to bring his ps5 as he will be too distracted & stay up all night then not want to do the activities.

Another thing, dd & dss are half siblings snd will be sharing a room, this was the only option left so we figured a few days is ok, but if im honest i dont love the idea.

Is this just going to be a disaster??

My adult ds and his db 20 years younger love sharing in holiday! As does dd 15 and ds 7!!

You may well be right. Plus if she did, it would be conspicuous if she continued to not address the many comments saying “CPs don’t have bunk beds” /“overseas CPs have bunk beds for small children”.

I certainly wouldn’t be taking the PS5 but I agree with others that the OP doesn’t seem to like the boy and seems to be setting him up to fail.

I stand corrected, I meant to type half brother. I don't consider that relevant to my point though.

@feistyoneyouare

Of course it makes a difference

Step siblings aren't related so it would be weirder to share a room

We wouldn’t have had half as many holidays without ours sharing a room. I think they’d say they’d prefer the holidays and share, to not going at all.

But I think it's potentially (depending on how the two kids in question feel about it) weird already, so that distinction doesn't really alter my POV.

Some posters on here seem to think that merely being related (to whatever degree) to someone means sharing a bedroom with them automatically won't be uncomfortable. As a 10-year-old girl I'd have hated to share a room with a boy regardless of how related or unrelated they were. I feel those who are saying what's the big deal, it's family, are adopting a potentially invalidating, one-size-fits-all approach that doesn't take into account whether the kids in question are actually OK with it.

I've since checked & it is twin beds, not sure where DH got bunkbeds from. So ive ordered a room divider for when we cone back to the room and they want to chill.

Yes on consideration i think for sleeping i will share with dd, I absolutely wouldnt want either to feel uncomfortable & as so many have flagged that i think it makes sense.

Although i still wont allow the ps5 he can go without for a few days, im not allowing dd's tablet either. So at dss is better off as he will have his phone.

But then what's the point in coming? He can stay at home and not do activities & just game.

But then what's the point in coming? I guess just because you get to enjoy that he's still choosing to holiday with you. He might not for much longer. I'd just enjoy having him along in whatever way works for him.

I’d let him take the PS5, he’ll join in family activities if there is nice food on offer.

It’s this. I don’t think any teenage boy is a rapist 🙄 but why would you not do everything to protect her because you NEVER know.
I was abused as a child by the slightly older boy on our street. No one would’ve ever known and why would they?
They are step siblings, it’s possible. But also why would a 14 yr old boy want to share with a 10 yr old girl. Not anything to do with masturbation as one pp suggested but also just for his privacy as a teenager and respecting his boundaries too.
im surprised so many people wouldn’t get this?
we are not talking about housing issues, it’s a holiday, a choice!

Just for people to be together. And to have a break from his familiar environment, which for many people (not me, actually) is an important part of a relaxing holiday.

The thing is, I don't quite understand why it would be a 'disaster' and 'ruin the holiday' if he doesn't take part in activities. I could understand if you thought it might be a waste of money (depends if he actually wants to go). But, unless there are things that you're not telling us -e.g. that he would be teasing his sister, or constantly demanding entertainment from the adults and not letting them pursue their own activities -why would you use such a strong term as 'disaster'?

But the are related they share the same father. He is the OP's SS not the DD SB. So they are blood related, they are half siblings. Why is it so hard for some to understand.

So are my kids! They don't want to share because (enter any reason here) That's fine because it's easily fixed.

Why even put it on them to choose? Ah yes because op can sleep with her dh and dss, who is probably as tall as her can fit into a bed she apparently can't!

You’re seriously asking what the point of him coming is? To spend time with you, lovely lady, you Patron Saint of step-children.

@ddl1 honestly the main reason is the atmosphere.
Dh absolutely hates when dss lazes about and doesnt want to get involved which in turn causes arguments.
Dss gets incredibly rude and its painful for me to watch, i of course never get involved as i feel it is not my place im not his mum.
If it were up to me, i still wouldnt allow the ps simply because he is so noisy on it, even with headphones, and will stay up all night interrupting everyone sleeping.
BUT if he wanted to stay in, well then fine, we would get on with the day.
The reality is much different, dh will be in a foul mood all day because of it, which isnt fun for anyone and we will not be having fun.

You're on a hiding to nothing trying to make a 14/15 year old boy behave like a civilized member of society. They're all like this, mostly and communicate in grunts until around 17.

Personally I'd let him take his PS5 but then encourage him to go swimming, bike riding. However, I don't understand why anyone is letting him stay up all night doing it. Thanst insanity. These are the grumpiest, most hormonal people on the planet at this age and they need sleep because they're literally growing overnight. I have 3 boys and have been through exactly this. 14 is peak puberty for boys and the PS5 is how they communicate/socialise at this point, whether we like it or not. We let them bring the PS on holidays and let them play it at weekends and non school nights but the WiFi goes off at 11/12 for them. They will stay up all night otherwise and thats not good for any of you.

I'd also resist the temptation to compare how lovely your 10y old daughter is. I haven't experienced it but she will be her own brand of annoying teenager at 14/15 too.

I also think making a 14/15 y old share a room with his 10y old sister is also a bit cruel.

If DH hates him being useless and lazing about, he could step up and put some limits on the gaming all night.

As a parent you can't expect a 14yo, given no boundaries, to self regulate in a way that most pleases their parents. Your DHs lazy parenting has caused this, DSS shouldn't be getting the blame.

I wouldn't be taking the PS5, it sounds like he already plays it to the extent that there is very little else in his life. I would, however, be really proactive about making plans and sticking to them. People are often surprised that their DCs do things at school or camp and a large part of that is saying "time for archery," instead of "do you still want to do archery?"

So basically you have a dh problem. He will get in a mood if everyone doesn't holiday the way he'd like.

Then it seems that the biggest problem is not your stepson, not you, but your dh!

Your own rules seem perfectly reasonable. Your dss should be allowed to enjoy himself in his own way, but not to do things that disturb others. But your dh wants everyone to follow his choices, and becomes moody with everyone if someone doesn't. I'd be tempted to leave him at home, but I realize that's not very practical!

This could potentially be easier to solve, I think you need to have it out with your DH about HIM not ruining the holiday for you and DD by making it all about behaviour from DSS that seems pretty inevitable.

I would be furious if my DP did this.

I agree you have. DH problem and frankly I think you’re a bit out of order to be so obviously resentful to your teenage DS about it.

If it were up to me, i still wouldnt allow the ps simply because he is so noisy on it, even with headphones, and will stay up all night interrupting everyone sleeping.

In your previous posts you strongly implied earlier that it was (also) up to you, using “I” to say you weee to not allowing him to or your DD to bring her tablet. I agree with you that he shouldn’t bring the PS5. But if he does then of course you/your DH limit access to it. Basic parenting of 13/14 year old boys in particular.

Dss gets incredibly rude and its painful for me to watch, i of course never get involved as i feel it is not my place im not his mum.

I think it certainly is your place to get involved if he’s being rude generally within your space, including on holiday. He’s sharing a room with your DD, you can have expectations for both. That doesn’t mean just telling —him— them off, that means amicably setting up reasonable expectations.

I completely agree with PP about the amount teenage boys need to sleep.

The reality is much different, dh will be in a foul mood all day because of it, which isnt fun for anyone and we will not be having fun.

So this is how DH reacts to not getting his way but is surprised that his DS isn't good at moderating his own mood and behaviour?

He needs to step up and parent.

Dss gets incredibly rude

It sounds like this situation is really hard work. How often is DSS with you?

I wouldn’t want my DC copying the gaming and rudeness. I’d also want my DH to step up and parent him calmly. Does DH spend 1:1 time with DSS?

So the real problem is DH being a miserable fucker who is unable to understand or accommodate his own son?

I wouldn't be going on holiday with them tbh.