How would you react if your 16yo went to a cafe without asking first?

[Flamingoose]

16yo DD finished an exam unexpectedly early. No bus due for at least an hour. Pouring with rain. She spotted a friend in the same predicament and together they walked 10 mins to the shops, found a cafe and had a cuppa and a piece of cake.

When DD told me, my reaction was "How lovely! What a good idea. What cake did you have?!"

99% of mumsnetters would have the same reaction, surely?

But dd's friends parents have hit the roof. She should not have gone to the shops without permission. She's not allowed to go to a cafe by herself without adult supervision. It was dangerous and stupid and my dd is a bad influence, apparently? Again, they're 16. Not six.

Would any of you be even vaguely uncomfortable with this scenario? I'm genuinely trying to understand.

And to head off the obvious: No special needs, no illness, not a dangerous area, no cultural or religious reasons to consider, no prior history of bad decisions or reasons for friend to be so closely guarded. They're both rather nerdy, sporty, responsible, nice girls.

These are the kids who go off the rails the minute they get any freedom. Ds was travelling the length of the country doing his train buff thing age 14, he went on the night riviera on his own at that age, visited London Edinburgh, Glasgow, he rings, keeps in touch & we have Live360 so I know he is safe. Even now at 18 he will tell me where he is going & roughly when he will be back.

When i was 16 i was going to pubs and clubs 😵‍💫

When I read your comment re the social media issue, it reminded me of a girl slightly younger than DD at school in our area, whose DM had been in a serious DV situation.

The Girl's name was changed slightly and the family moved regularly (the school knew all of this) because of the situation.

Maybe there is more to this family's story that what you know?

OTT these days I don't think stopping maturing young people from social media access is really a bad thing at all, whilst good information can be found, it's so easily explotiated and in my experience, platform ''owners'' rarely do anything about the negative sides of SM.

Playing devil’s advocate, perhaps they went to pick her up from school, were told that she’d left forty minutes prior, couldn’t reach her on her ‘phone (teens often ignore calls) and then got into a catastrophising flap.

But…. tbh …..the “no social media” thing at 16 sounds creepy and controlling. I hope for her sake that she goes off to university and seldom returns. She’ll need to escape this.

They must have a backstory it’s bizarre. Mines 15 and has been popping in and out for cake and Costa for at least 3 years. She doesn’t go in the dark and texts me to say off to Costa with Emma and Philippa or whatever and that’s fine. We are in a large town she has a costa card just for this Reason that I top up?
what did the parents want them to do stand on the street in the pouring rain?

Wow massive over reaction from parents , poor kid

I have 15 year old twins ,16 in November ,and i would be the same , good idea ,what did you eat etc ! What did they want her to do stand in the rain ? Waiting forever for the bus ? Poor girl ,of my 11 year old went in a cafe and got a drink ,which he does at times when at the park and thirsty i wouldnt think twice ,wasn't in middle of the night they was waiting for a bus in bad weather and made a mature choice, makes tou wonder why some children do make the wrong choice's when free of controlling parents as that is insane if you ask me !!

IMHO you've the right approach. It may have been 30 yrs ago but I would have done the same thing. Do they escort here to and from school at 16?

If she knows they'd disapprove of spending money on tea and cake, I'm surprised she told them. Poor girl.

Great decision making by the children, much better than hanging around the streets/bus stop. I’d have been impressed they thought of it and would also be asking what cake they had 😃

I was getting a bus and train to manchester city centre to meet my boyfriend at uni most weekends at 16! And i had a mother who worried!

Good grief. How on earth is she to learn life skills and self confidence? In 24months she'll be off yo uni? How will she cope with that?

You are easily impressed. They are 16, not 6. Something like this would be such a non-event in my barely 15 year olds life, I wouldn't have ANY view on it.

Exactly this…

She could legally leave home.

Even if there is a ‘reason’ or ‘backstory’ I feel very, very sorry for the poor girl. It’s not justified and incredibly controlling and unhealthy.

How will they cope with her being a legal adult in less than 2 years?

Or will the controlling behaviour continue :(

Very controlling but maybe there's a reason. Maybe a sibling died or was kidnapped. Maybe they've experience something themselves. Maybe they're not as responsible as you think. Could be endless reasons. Or just insane lol.

I started work at 16. My sister went to nightclubs at 15.

A cafe in the daytime? You've got to 😂

all i can think of is that the family are watching every penny and that they think that their dd spending the fiver or so on coffee and cake is a waste of money (clutching at straws I know)

Jesus, I moved out and lived on my own to go to university soon after turning 17.

Hmm I was regularly going on a bus to a nearby town with a same age friend at 9. By 16 I was going to night clubs and walking a couple of miles home on my own at midnight. It was about 1970 but not sure of the difference . I find ithe reaction massively OTT but there may be a reason. Could you ask them?

An escape route planned? From a cafe? 🤣🤣🤣

Madness, and to say your dd is a bad influence because they went to a cafe for a cake? I feel sorry for the poor girl

Wow poor kid. They will drive their own child away. This kind of controlling behaviour will have the opposite effect of what they are trying to achieve.

Oh god, if she's allowed to University this pier girl will go off the rails. At 16 I was starting to go clubbing!

*poor