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Original poster

I just found £5000

171 replies

heavyisthe · 14/08/2022 10:03

Which isn't the good news you would think

DH has a gambling addiction, it's bad. He's in therapy for it and promised me that he hasn't been for months (since hitting rock bottom and wiping out the family savings in May this year)

I had a feeling he went a couple of weeks ago and we had a huge argument about it, him threatening to leave because I wasn't supportive, etc. Basically from his reaction I was even more convinced Hmm.

He's due to go away this afternoon, flying to his home country to see family and out of curiosity I just checked his hand luggage zip pocket and voila! £5000 in two Casino plastic cash wallets.

I feel so defeated. He will never stop. He may have won some this time but honestly, I'm not even going to tell you how much he has blown through and lost because you'll assume I'm a troll. It's that bad.

Anyway, I've pocketed one of them, £2500. Will put it into my secret fund. Maybe I'll treat myself to something.
Wonder if he will ask me about it, or assume he's lost it? If he asks me at least he will have to admit it.

Sorry for the rambling, am just getting my thoughts down. I'm not even upset anymore. Fed up.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 14/08/2022 10:05

Oh OP, that sucks

JuneOsborne · 14/08/2022 10:05

Oh, that's bad.

So he's won £5k and not put it back in the family savings that he'd wiped out?

How do you come back from this?

ReallyIrish · 14/08/2022 10:06

Take the lot to replace the savings he spent. Then start separation proceedings.

Endlesslypatient82 · 14/08/2022 10:06

Maybe I'll treat myself to something.

put this towards your leaving fund.
in fact all the £5k
do you have children?

Nugg · 14/08/2022 10:06

I'd have taken both. Replaced some of the savings he took and let him squirm out of asking me where it was. But no. Without serious amounts of therapy he won't change.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 14/08/2022 10:08

I would take both and make steps to leave him while he's "visiting family".

AdInfinitum12 · 14/08/2022 10:08

The only way out of it is to leave, you know this now.

Whatwouldscullydo · 14/08/2022 10:08

ReallyIrish · 14/08/2022 10:06

Take the lot to replace the savings he spent. Then start separation proceedings.

This

Addicts lie. They always lie. You will never be able to trust him again.

Cut your losses and leave. Even if its with nothing.

stressybessie33 · 14/08/2022 10:08

I've been with a gambler. It's draining. And like any other addiction they will only stop when they want to. Nothing you say, do or threaten will stop them they just find ways to become more secretive.

In the end I lost all respect for my ex. He just constantly drained me and took all my money. Then became abusive if I said no to something. How do you respect someone who can't even fund their own smoking habit never mind contribute to grown up, joint bills.

I don't know what the answer is but you need to be realistic about him stopping this and if he doesn't you need to ask yourself if this is what you want for tue rest of your life. Sorry, I know it can be really soul destroying.

Freedom2023 · 14/08/2022 10:09

Take the lot, without any hesitation, take the lot and put it back into your savings.

Cantbeliveyoufakeit · 14/08/2022 10:09

Yep, I would take the lot OP while there's something there to take. Are there casinos in his home country? This is never going to get better, he's still lying whilst in therapy so I would be using that 5 grand to give myself a new start away from him, sorry Flowers

Original poster
heavyisthe · 14/08/2022 10:10

I should've taken it all.
He's up and finishing packing now so I don't think I'll be able to get to it.

Yes we have children, three of them.
I'm torn, I know I should leave him, but I don't think I'm strong enough yet. It's the end goal though, I think. I love him but I can't live like this.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2022 10:11

How much was in the family savings?

I would be livid. I would leave.

Lifeadmin · 14/08/2022 10:12

So sorry for you. Seems like him going away will give you space to work how to separate from him, I honestly think this is a betrayal just as much as an affair is.

Original poster
heavyisthe · 14/08/2022 10:12

I'm glad he's going away for a few days at least I won't have to look at him
Will give me time to think I guess.
Addiction fucking sucks. It's an illness but I fucking resent him so much for it

OP posts:
Elsanore · 14/08/2022 10:13

You poor thing, how horrible.

You need to end your financial entanglements with him which realistically means divorce.

Choccyp1g · 14/08/2022 10:15

I'd take all of it, bar a couple of notes, which i'd use with some cut up paper between them so the packages look untouched. That way he'll be abroad before he realises, giving you time to get the locks changed and start the divorce.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 14/08/2022 10:15

Lots to do while he is away op. Seek legal advice tomorrow...

Endlesslypatient82 · 14/08/2022 10:16

heavyisthe · 14/08/2022 10:10

I should've taken it all.
He's up and finishing packing now so I don't think I'll be able to get to it.

Yes we have children, three of them.
I'm torn, I know I should leave him, but I don't think I'm strong enough yet. It's the end goal though, I think. I love him but I can't live like this.

Bloody hell op - what sort of life is this for you and your children. Sounds awful.

Don’t treat yourself in the sense of buying something.

treat yourself by securing a solicitor

CormoranStrike · 14/08/2022 10:16

Leave

Starseeking · 14/08/2022 10:17

It's good you took at least half.

Wait until he goes to the loo before he leaves, and go straight back to where you know he hid it and take the other half.

While he is away start making plans to leave him. He will never change, you would be foolish to expect something different from someone who has spent YOUR FAMILY SAVINGS without agreement, on gambling.

Original poster
heavyisthe · 14/08/2022 10:20

Interesting thing is, he's started going to a new casino. The main one he always used to use won't let him gamble anymore because he couldn't provide proof of earnings which tallied up to the massive amount he was spending.

I want to go to this new casino and speak to the manager and tell them he is in financial ruin with loans coming out of his ears to fund this.

I know I should just leave him, I've known it for a while now. But it's hard, and scary.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 14/08/2022 10:21

Take the other half of you get the opportunity and definitely speak to the casino manager. Explain the situation and that he's banned from the last place for good reason. He should have a responsibility in this!

Endlesslypatient82 · 14/08/2022 10:22

I want to go to this new casino and speak to the manager and tell them he is in financial ruin with loans coming out of his ears to fund this.

and he will just move on.
so your life will be finding out what casino he goes to and then talking to the owner

op - if you don’t do it for yourself, you need to do this for your children.

what is your family financial situation like? Does he work?

EkinWho · 14/08/2022 10:25

You did the right thing taking the money, shame you didn't take the lot. I'd use it as a fund to leave. It doesn't sound like he's bearing his addiction and that's no way to live for you or your children. Good luck.

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