Woman just had a go at me for my child

[didsomebodaysayyyjusteat]

I've got a 1 year old DD. She's short so when holding her hand she really reaches up. She's steady on her feet and has been walking for months. Also with the weather being hot her little hands get a bit clammy so if she bolted her hands can easily slip from my grip.

Was browsing in boots this morning and noticed a woman making comments under her breath.

Got round to a different aisle and she muttered something under her breath again. It was only us and her In the aisle so I said 'are you talking to me? I can't quite hear you'

She snapped 'why have you put your poor child on a dog lead, is your child a dog?!'

I didn't know what to say, no one's ever said a bad thing about reins to me and I've never thought they were an issue! Didn't say anything then but was pissed off.

Then we met again on the toothpaste aisle. Final interaction. She was browsing the section of toothpaste / mouthwash and I just mentioned to her she ought to probably pick something up as her breath was humming & my 'dog' didn't want to be around an offensive stench.

I've never heard of Reins being a bad thing??? Why would they be classed as a bad thing? Do people tend to have different views on reins and if so, why?

I probably shouldn't have said anything to wind her up looking back but what's wrong with reins!?

Someone who thinks like that is never going to think the same way as you. You are best ignoring or saying with a big fake smile " thank you for your advice ( because they won't know how to respond to that) and moving on.

Lots of people have very strong opinions about using reins for toddlers. None of those people have ever experienced the terror of sprinting after a child who seemingly can run faster than a cheetah and has absolutely no fear. If they did, they would be buying the cute monkey backpack with the little tail too.

Not really.. I agree that the woman sounds like a dick and a busybody, but I also think OP's retaliation was childish.. she could have stood up for herself in a more grown up way lol.

I've toddler twins. I used reins when they were smaller.
Eg getting out of the car in a busy car park - I took one twin out, put on reins and held him close to me while getting the other twin out. Without reins there was a chance he could have run into a car.

Luckily I only got positive reactions. People saying they were very cute/ someone asking me where I'd bought the reins.

That’s really judgmental too! How do you know they haven’t parented their child properly? Some children are just naturally wilder than others. My DM was terrifyingly strict but she couldn’t keep my brother from running off.

I don't really understand why people don't like reins or how they are used 'lazily'?

I understand comments about buggies being used lazily as I know parents sometimes use those so they can go quicker than the child wants to walk or can't be bothered with the dawdling, but how is using reins any different to walking holding hands? Except from the fact the child's arm isn't having to stay reaching up for ages and your back isn't aching from bending over to hold hands with a tiny child?

I have never seen them used in a way where it would be seen as unnecessary and the child should be running around, like in a park. Only walking through busy areas and down the street.

"Obviously exceptions for children with special needs apply, but I think the number of genuine cases where this is an issue is very small."

I started using reins as soon as my child was walking outside of the house when it wasn't known he had a severe learning disability. He still needs the equivalent sometimes at 16. It is much easier to start with reins than to introduce them with a 3 or 4 year old who is persistent in running off or walking into the road.

The false dichotomy between reins or running into the road is a non-starter though, if your child can’t be trusted not to run off, you need to parent better and they need to be strapped into a buggy until they get it. They kick off in the buggy? Too bad.

But why is the buggy ok?😕Surely it's worse to keep a child who can walk in a buggy?

Nowt wrong with reins.
I had my twins on those backpacks with reins (Little Life?).
You were as bad as her for saying owt at a later time.

Yeah keeping a child who can walk in a buggy isn't parenting better than using reins...

@Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit your comment is absurd.
A 1 year old running off hasn’t been parented adequately?
A 1 year old wouldn’t understand not running off if you practiced every day.
They’re 1!

Imo reins are perfect for the interim between walking as a very young dc with little comprehension of danger and walking when older and able to follow simple instructions.

She was out of order. Commenting on your reins like that was weird.
So were you though. You commenting on her breath was also a pretty weird way to go. Call it even I guess.

I’ve never used reins - I don’t see many people using them where I live. I see them mostly in zoos and similar places - places that are somewhat crowded but where obviously you want very little ones to still try out their legs and explore.
But I always just held my children’s hands. I guess their arms were long enough and their hands never that sweaty that I felt they could just slip away.

Shopping with a one year old I would just take a buggy to be honest. I’m not in the mood to potter around slowly at a novice walker’s pace when I’m running errands. Plenty of other opportunities in the day for waking practice.

I expect OP had a go at the horrible woman in the heat of the moment anyway, you can't prepare for such a situation!
I was once on an escalator going down, holding my then tiny girl's hand, and two idiot teen girls came running up & shoved her to one side. Mama Bear's claws came out & I called them idiots.. one came back & said 'who are you calling an idiot?' YOU! I said.. I was too angry to be intimidated, despite being about 7 months pregnant! My hands had curled into fists.. I think she realised how far gone I was in anger & she backed off.. ;-)
Do NOT threaten or malign our cubs.. very very dangerous! ;-)

It's not that you couldn't be rude in response. Of course you could. I actually thought your response was clever and pointed, but a simple 'fuck off' would be understandable. I find an imperious cold "What?" or "Excuse me?" to work wonders, but I don't think anyone would blame you for that.

It's the part where you waited until you saw her again, swelled up big to give it back, and decided to say...her breath smelled? It's the waiting part that ruins it. Because instead of standing up for yourself, you're just being rude in return, which brings you down to her level and makes her feel justified in her judgment of you. And it's not even a particularly good comeback--pretty juvenile.

So, yes, teach your daughter to stick up for herself. But also teach her that sometimes the deepest cut is to give a good bon mot (as you did) and then walk away to let it fester, not ruin the effect with a round of schoolyard taunts ten minutes later.

😂😂😂😂

Sorry Peter perfect!

Funny, there was a post about reins just yesterday.

I used them for my twins, as there was two of them and they were both bolters. I'd never go out anywhere if I didn't. Third kid didn't really need them but we lived by a busy road so I used them anyway.

I have no idea why some people think that it's somehow offensive to use them? Even if you agree that it's like a dog leash - so what - both are designed to keep the small mammal close by so they don't get hurt? Any dog owners who've had a 'I wish I'd kept the dog lead on'.

@Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit what an absolute load of bullshit. You remember being aged 1 or 2? And not only that, you remember being so scared of your mum's wrath you wouldn't have dreamt of running off? And it's bad parenting to allow your child to walk with reins but not to stuff them in a buggy they don't want to be in? Most kids on reins are just happily trotting along - how is that not being in control?

And I mean - are you that stupid that you genuinely can't see that the 'consequences' you speak of on that one occasion your toddler acts unexpectedly (because, y'know, toddler ) might actually mean serious injury or death?! Is it also bad parenting when your 1 year old lunges for your cup of tea or is just that child development means they literally don't understand danger yet?

I'm a fan of reins in certain situations. They allow you to keep your child safe whilst letting them feel some freedom. I used them with both my children.

There were times when they would wear the little reins backpack and we would be holding hands and the loop would be around my wrist. You can still teach a child to hold hands and walk sensibly while using reins for extra safety.

I'm a good parent and I know I am but I still think I'd have been very cross at being judged like that.

Wow this is one well-rounded 1 year old that'll probably be mortified to remember being on reins and her mum having a go at someone.

You know what - would I have said the same? Probably not. But I'm all for - women especially - not feeling like they have to turn the other cheek and be the bigger person just because society expects it.

@Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit your comment is completely insane.

how are reins worse parenting than a buggy?

how is a 15 month old or whatever supposed to be parented so they have the understanding to not run off? By 15 months mine was lightening quick sprinter who I struggled to keep up with! but she had practically no language skills or comprehension (which is completely normal for her age) so wouldn’t have understood

I used reins for my first (those classic leather harness ones, like lederhosen) - an early walker, like yours it was uncomfortable for us both to hold hands, plus he had no fear (or sense, being so little) so would wander (best case, make a break for it worst case). We finally stopped when he decided it was too much fun to suddenly launch himself forward as if to fly, and you had to hoik hard to stop him face planting (which just made it all the more fun for him as he'd literally swoop inches from the floor) - but he'd grown out of the worst of the bolting by then, so it was OK (thank goodness)

Didn't have to use them for my younger, because he just wasn't the same character, and always stayed close.

According to this thread, people can be as rude as they like and you must do absolutely nothing about it.
Hopefully this woman has learnt she can't be an arsehole without consequences.

She was browsing the section of toothpaste / mouthwash and I just mentioned to her she ought to probably pick something up as her breath was humming & my 'dog' didn't want to be around an offensive stench.

you were exceedingly rude. You have a child and people have opinions. Just ignore them. And stop being so fucking rude

My username is ironic. But that's by the by.

You seem a bit argumentative. Both in real life and online.

@Brefugee

why should having a child mean people feel entitled to air their opinions?

I didn’t sign up for that when I got pregnant - I now have a child so therefore I have to accept hearing others opinions on how I raise MY child. Nah.

people need to wind their necks in just as if I didn’t have a child.