Woman just had a go at me for my child

[didsomebodaysayyyjusteat]

I've got a 1 year old DD. She's short so when holding her hand she really reaches up. She's steady on her feet and has been walking for months. Also with the weather being hot her little hands get a bit clammy so if she bolted her hands can easily slip from my grip.

Was browsing in boots this morning and noticed a woman making comments under her breath.

Got round to a different aisle and she muttered something under her breath again. It was only us and her In the aisle so I said 'are you talking to me? I can't quite hear you'

She snapped 'why have you put your poor child on a dog lead, is your child a dog?!'

I didn't know what to say, no one's ever said a bad thing about reins to me and I've never thought they were an issue! Didn't say anything then but was pissed off.

Then we met again on the toothpaste aisle. Final interaction. She was browsing the section of toothpaste / mouthwash and I just mentioned to her she ought to probably pick something up as her breath was humming & my 'dog' didn't want to be around an offensive stench.

I've never heard of Reins being a bad thing??? Why would they be classed as a bad thing? Do people tend to have different views on reins and if so, why?

I probably shouldn't have said anything to wind her up looking back but what's wrong with reins!?

I had reins as I was a bolter and my mum was so scared i´d be run over. She´s English and this was in Spain in the 70s, people were horrified. You treat your baby like a dog? I put reins on my daughter briefly until she learned to keep by me as she squeezed between my legs and was nearly run over. People would look, but didn´t say anything. Outside Northern Europe, reins are generally considered weird indeed.

Dry many years ago, when I was rather young working in a department store, I saw a lady walking with her toddler using reigns specifically for toddlers. I was appalled and said how loud about walking a child like a dog. Well, I sure had my comeuppance done years later. I was shopping in the same store with my toddler who was in their pram with the hood up, facing away from me. Whilst I was being served, unbeknownst to me, my toddler undid his lap restraint (at that time it was only lap restraint) and not only walked away, but walked outside the shop! Thankfully a keen eyed women held his hand and walked him back into the shop. I was never so scared in my life between finding him missing and his being found. Reigns from there on out. Each subsequent child had them too until they could be entrusted not to wander or walk too far ahead.

It’s a very visible advert to the world that you don’t have control over your child, which implies you haven’t parented adequately so yes people are likely to comment (they’re dicks to do so btw, but it’s just what people are like) You’d have to be pretty thick to think that using reins on a toddler implies inadequate parenting. They’re toddlers. Their raison d’etre is testing boundaries, exploring new things and switching off their hearing when they suspect their aforementioned activities are about to be curtailed.

The false dichotomy between reins or running into the road is a non-starter though, if your child can’t be trusted not to run off, you need to parent better and they need to be strapped into a buggy until they get it. They kick off in the buggy? Too bad It’s not a false dichotomy at all. It’s a sensible risk assessment. You trust your child not to run or wander off, until they break that trust and run or wander off. If you’re lucky, you get to strap them back into their buggy. If you’re not, you have 31 years of tragedy and heartache, like the poster referred to above. Would you really risk that happening because you are so arrogant that you believe your superior parenting means that your toddler would never make a break for it?

This always made me laugh. I used a car seat in the car. I used straps in the buggy. They wear a helmet when on wheels. I used reins when they were little as I was walking with them. I had 4 young children 5 and under. The toddlers had their twins hooked over the handle of the buggy when holding on and walking.

the consequences don’t bear thinking about if a child slips out of your grasp near a busy road!!

this is even more crucial with a young walker like your little one! They are much more unreliable and unsure of their limits than a kid that doesn’t walk until 2!

*reins hooked over

I’m so surprised by these replies! I still habitually hold two kids’ hands when we are out and my youngest are 7.

Yes, when walking outside of the house anywhere near a road I would hold a child’s hand up to at least the age of 4. A one year old would be holding my hand or the pushchair at all times. I taught mine to hold the pushchair but would not necessarily trust them to do it - therefore the reins would be looped over the handle.

Perhaps I have a heightened view of risk, but I measure the risk against the possible consequences. The chance of my kid getting run over is not high, but why would I not take every precaution I possibly could to stop it from happening?

there was a very sad case near a school where a nursery age child child stepped off the pavement on the afternoon school run and was sadly killed.

I think the reins are neither here nor there. It’s your undignified and uncouth approach to criticism that is a poor role model to your dd.

She’s only one but if you always insult people who don’t agree with you then that’s a pretty piss poor way of going through life. If you were so certain of your choices, why be so defensive and aggressive? People who are secure in themselves can cope with comments because they know who they are. You should work on that.

Oh get off your high horse woman 😂

I don’t agree with Reins at all. Except special needs it maybe necessary. But she was rude and should keep her opinions to herself unless asked.

😱

I’m of the older generation and used reins for my children, I didn’t know anyone who didn’t. The type I used had a built up chest piece with shoulder and waist straps attached to it and a clip on lead, it had little bells on the chest piece so other people could hear us coming. As they grew out of that I got a harness made of light weight webbing, That was good for strapping them into the Highchair at meal times.
My grandkids had the little animal backpacks and they were great too.

I can say this as I’m older than the woman in question, the one who looked at my Granddaughter, who was sitting in her buggy with a dummy in her mouth. The old biddy tutted loudly and said “You don’t need THAT horrid thing in your mouth” and pulled it out of GD’s mouth!
She was told to mind her own business in no uncertain terms.

@SVRT19674 , in Abu Dhabi in the late 1970s I was asked more than once by random locals in the street where I’d got the reins I was using for a very little dd1 who was walking by her first birthday. They evidently thought they were a great idea and were disappointed when I said I’d had them sent from England - from Mothercare then - I used to have masses of stuff sent since you could buy sod all - the sort of things I wanted anyway - locally.

OP, the woman should have kept her daft ideas to herself. I don’t blame you for what you said in the toothpaste aisle.