Woman just had a go at me for my child

[didsomebodaysayyyjusteat]

I've got a 1 year old DD. She's short so when holding her hand she really reaches up. She's steady on her feet and has been walking for months. Also with the weather being hot her little hands get a bit clammy so if she bolted her hands can easily slip from my grip.

Was browsing in boots this morning and noticed a woman making comments under her breath.

Got round to a different aisle and she muttered something under her breath again. It was only us and her In the aisle so I said 'are you talking to me? I can't quite hear you'

She snapped 'why have you put your poor child on a dog lead, is your child a dog?!'

I didn't know what to say, no one's ever said a bad thing about reins to me and I've never thought they were an issue! Didn't say anything then but was pissed off.

Then we met again on the toothpaste aisle. Final interaction. She was browsing the section of toothpaste / mouthwash and I just mentioned to her she ought to probably pick something up as her breath was humming & my 'dog' didn't want to be around an offensive stench.

I've never heard of Reins being a bad thing??? Why would they be classed as a bad thing? Do people tend to have different views on reins and if so, why?

I probably shouldn't have said anything to wind her up looking back but what's wrong with reins!?

OP, I don’t know why some posters are giving you grief for what you said to the woman. She was unnecessarily rude and shared an opinion she shouldn’t have. Maybe next time she will keep her opinions to herself.

I would have probably said worse to her!

Just be glad she didn't have the reaction that someone gave to me a few years back when my disabled child was younger.
In our case we were using the parent/ toddler wrist straps. He has absolutely no sense of danger. He had just started at his special school and as his taxi dropped him off home on the busy road (no driveway) I was holding the said parent/ toddler wrist straps ready to put on us when he got off the taxi.

I can't even describe the look the taxi driver gave us! I don't think there's even an emoji that covers it.
I just said to him, "They're to keep him safe and stop him wandering in the road".
Taxi driver breathed a sigh of relief.

It only dawned on me as we were walking away what he thought they were! 😱

Didn't your parents teach you not to make rude, nasty personal comments? I hope you're bringing your children up better than that.

She was rude to you - but you were revoltingly vile back. (and she was muttering under her breath, not like she was shouting it all over the place)

Retaliation? what are you, 15?

Sorry, I was reminiscing and forgot my point. Which is, she must have just had kids that didn't need them.

I still cringe when I remember watching my sister let her 2 year old have a sip of her coke, thinking how much better I was because my child wouldn't touch the stuff. Then I had DC2, and before he was 3 he'd scaled the sofa to get a swig of a tin of G&T, stuffed everything in his mouth from entire cupcakes to super hot kimchi, and was generally, the complete opposite of my obedient, barely interested in eating, let alone eating anything exciting, elder child.

Experience teaches you every child is different and not to judge too harshly!

Reigns have two great purposes.

1. Keeps your child close by at all times.

1. If your child trips, you can prevent them having a nasty fall by pulling the reigns up.

Win win. No downsides.

She’s barmy. Reigns are sensible - saves child’s arm having to be held up and no risk of them slipping your grip. If they stumble they don’t fall and hurt themselves or get arm wrenched.

I think reins are fantastic, a wee bit of freedom and independence, yet can't stray far, so easy to keep safe. They do seem out of favour though. I assume parents buckle kids into pushchairs or shuttle them by car more often these days, to avoid the slow distracted walk keeping a firm grip of multiple wee hands. It's an unhelpful trend given falling activity levels and rising obesity rates.

Perhaps be ready with these points for the next heckler, instead of retaliating with personal insults?

It was just a stupid comment, pointless and something a teenager would say.

The woman who commented was an arsehole. We all know that. I have no idea why on earth people have issues with reins never mind why they decide to verbalise it to another person in a shop. I can absolutely see why you were annoyed but your comment was just ridiculous when a simple fuck off would have had so much more clout.

By which I mean your initial response. The breath thing was just a bit silly and deflating.

Reins can also be used with just your arm through them and child is still holding your hand when you want. The child doesn’t even know they’re on. Or they can potter about picking up things and you can loosely hold the reins to stop falls.

Reply:
Why do dogs wear leads?

A: to stop them running off.

Reply: bingo.

why should having a child mean people feel entitled to air their opinions?

well, they do - and nobody will ever stop them because it has been like that since time immemorial. You must learn to ignore it or you'll either go batshit with self-doubt.

A lot of parenting is shouting up the stairs for 6 hours a day "aren't you ready yet" and the remaining time is ignoring people shoving their oar in.

But. There is a difference between standing up for yourself (which in the OP situation would have been "i find them safer than having a child running all over the place, i don't need advice, thanks") and being rude which is a few minutes later being horrible to someone.

Having seen OPs posts here, i think she really needs to calm her tits and ignore people.

My child's safety is MY concern, and is of utmost importance.

I'm sure it's apparent by looking, but I don't run. My child, however, does.

OP. Reins are normal, they are safe. They allow a child independence in a controlled environment.

YANBU at all.

And people who can't apply some degree of critical thinking about why a situation is the way it is, and would rather throw insults around and belittle or intimidate are beneath you. Don't give them the time of day.

My child's safety is MY concern, and is of utmost importance.

I'm sure it's apparent by looking, but I don't run. My child, however, does.

OP. Reins are normal, they are safe. They allow a child independence in a controlled environment.

YANBU at all.

And people who can't apply some degree of critical thinking about why a situation is the way it is, and would rather throw insults around and belittle or intimidate are beneath you. Don't give them the time of day.

You knew you were doing what was right for your childs safety. However being rude to anyone who dares to qn you just makes you look ridiculous. Eso as you had to wait and see her again to get your precious last word in.

Neither of you come out of it looking good.

There's obviously no problem with reins and her comment to you was unpleasant and unnecessary, but what you said back to her was shockingly rude. You behaved worse than she did.

I wondered why you'd included in the comment you made up her as it makes you look bad, bit reading your responses i think you thought we'd all high five your comment and compliment you on being so witty , defending yourself etc. But it, and your continued defence of it, just makes you sound 14.

If you weren't looking for comments to big you up about your bite back, why add such extraneous detail?

I am laughing hard at what you said haha!! Well done, ignore her!

I don't get it at all, what is wrong with reins, when I was growing up nearly all children that age had them.
I'd rather have a child on reins than one running in the road or abducted by strangers. More these days than ever. Look at James Bulger.

She was rude, but your reply lost you the moral high ground

I thought opposition to reins was an American thing tbh. I see a LOT of judgement about it online from Americans. Maybe because they barely walk anywhere with their kids so they never have a need for them...

The reasoning is usually that you are "treating your child like a dog". Well so what if we are?! We put reins on children and leads on dogs for EXACTLY the same reasons: they've got no sense of danger and we want to keep them safe. It's not like people go yanking their kids around on them.

It just really grinds my gears.

Oh and they are a godsend for your back, as bending down to hold a 12 month-old's hand is murder.

I just can't for the life of me understand how reins are apparently so much worse than holding their hand, or strapping them in the pushchair, or picking them up when they're wriggling to get down.

Maybe she’s a frustrated BDSM wannabe

I agree. We always complain about random men sharing their unwanted opinions with us, but it's no better for older women to share them either!

OP all I would say is that it's better to ignore and keep the moral high ground, but we're not all perfect all of the time, despite some MNers' best efforts to try to convince us that they are.

I walk fast and the other day I was walking back from my local town centre and as I walked past the open door of a restaurant a "random man" said slow down slow down. I could have turned round and told him to mind his own beeswax but pretended I hadn't heard. I think pretending you haven't heard is often the best option.

And there is nothing wrong with using reins at all!

My kids had reins as did I as a small child.

I actually get a lot of comments from people trying to make me feel guilty for keeping my dogs on leads!

🙄