Woman just had a go at me for my child

[didsomebodaysayyyjusteat]

I've got a 1 year old DD. She's short so when holding her hand she really reaches up. She's steady on her feet and has been walking for months. Also with the weather being hot her little hands get a bit clammy so if she bolted her hands can easily slip from my grip.

Was browsing in boots this morning and noticed a woman making comments under her breath.

Got round to a different aisle and she muttered something under her breath again. It was only us and her In the aisle so I said 'are you talking to me? I can't quite hear you'

She snapped 'why have you put your poor child on a dog lead, is your child a dog?!'

I didn't know what to say, no one's ever said a bad thing about reins to me and I've never thought they were an issue! Didn't say anything then but was pissed off.

Then we met again on the toothpaste aisle. Final interaction. She was browsing the section of toothpaste / mouthwash and I just mentioned to her she ought to probably pick something up as her breath was humming & my 'dog' didn't want to be around an offensive stench.

I've never heard of Reins being a bad thing??? Why would they be classed as a bad thing? Do people tend to have different views on reins and if so, why?

I probably shouldn't have said anything to wind her up looking back but what's wrong with reins!?

I mean, even a robust "fuck off" as per a PP would have been acceptable.

@SoupDragon so I can't make a personal remark in retaliation, but she can say I'm treating my daughter like a dog?

Ahh, got it.

I probably would just say fuck off next time.

I just hope there is no next time!

I wouldn't get caught up on what you said, she pissed you off, you bumped into her again (not like you stalked her!) and had a go back.

Reins are bloody brilliant, I do NOT understand why people are so fucking ridiculous about them.

Trying to walk whilst bending down to hold the hand of a child who has to reach up, is painful.

It is also really uncomfortable for the child, who is only just learning to balance themselves and walk properly, to be having to walk along with one arm stretched upwards and held firm in someones had. Try it, it will put you off balance, do it for long and you'll have a sore back and shoulder.

@70isaLimitNotaTarget

lol she needs to stop muttering shite then doesn’t she

@Crunchymum

don’t be ridiculous

I highly doubt Op went into Boots looking for a row

are you the type of woman who thinks women should be demure and smile sweetly at all times?

is that linked at all to being a ‘crunchy’ mum?

I did once ask another school Mum why she was mutter comments directed at us - and she complained one of my DC had a huge lolly and it wasn't good parenting.

I then got to pointed out I hadn't given it to her - it was a prize awarded by her teacher - she'd been good to wait till after the extracurricular activity to start it and was attempting to share messily with younger siblings and it felt unfair to take it off her now.

She then ranted about wishing teachers wouldn't do that and I should complain- I had to admit I wasn't keen but TBF they did often give pens and little notes books etc instead so while one off wasn't great wasn't end of the world and frankly I had bigger fish to fry with DC needing extra support that wasn't forthcoming.

I only bothered to do any of that because I saw her regularly - weren't close but it was worth correcting her assumptions.

Ignoring or a fuck off would have worked here.

Fuck off would have been fine.

The breath comment was just stupid and childish. You definitely lost ground there.

Fuck off wouldn't have been fine in front of her child.

Why are you so arsed about my comment.

What about the woman's comments. Or the actual point of the thread, why do people have problems with reins.

But nooooo the posters are always wrong!

@Bubbafly

maybe she did have rank breath 🤷‍♀️

and it would be worse to swear and say fuck off in front of the child surely

I also used reins and they were a lifesaver - my DC was a bolter so there’s no way I’d have been able to keep hold of them. I had a few dirty looks at the time but thankfully no comments. I don’t get why people have a problem with them! And why do nosy busybodies have to butt in to other people’s business? I’m glad you answered back to her - maybe she will think twice before being so judgemental in future

@LuckySantangelo35

Thank you for helping me with these prim and proper vipers!
According to them we must never bite back when people verbally attack us. Only respond with something educational and graceful. Or stay silent.

why do people have problems with reins.

No fucking clue - but as I said back packs with reins often go down really well even with people who apparently dislike reins.

Her breath is hinging not hanging 💁🏻‍♀️

You cannot stop people judging you. You will always be judged on pretty much everything you do.

All you have taught your daughter here is to be rude to strangers and to care about the opinions of others.

What you should be teaching her is that some people are going to be unpleasant, but that that is okay and we shouldn’t have an emotional unhinged reaction over it.

The reins are there to keep you daughter safe. Young children wander off in shops. Some have even been abducted in busy shops/ supermarkets when their parents are distracted with the shopping. If that woman is too thick to realise that then she needs her head examined.

Reins are fine. It's almost impossible to keep hold of a tiny hand when they are so much lower to the floor! A lot of people like to comment on parenting when they haven't experienced it or have forgotten what it was like.

Ugh, I hate people who pass comment like the lady did to you OP. Really it’s none of their business.
A lady once made a similar comment to me about using walking reins for my then toddler son (he’s 15 now!). I told her that I had two words for her: James Bulger. From what I remember, his mother had turned for a moment to pay for something at a shop, and he was gone. I was a kid when it happened and I’ve never forgotten it.
You just do what’s right for you and your DC. I used reins on both my DC: it was an extra safety thing in addition to teaching them to walk alongside me etc etc.

I sometimes attracted a good deal of attention when tying DS into his sling. I didn't use a baby carrier but of the 9 feet, fully fabric, 'baby wearing' ones that have to be tied a specific way. I regularly found myself with an audience, although it was mostly curiosity and nobody openly stated disapproval. Apparently there is quite a community of baby wearers, although this was unknown to me at the time.

To stalk someone around a shop muttering disapproval is spectacularly rude, although I'd have either let her crack on unless she openly tried to confront me, or given her a cheery smile and a wave. Your behaviour to her was no ruder than hers to you.

Amazing how many complete strangers are waiting in the sidelines to dole out parenting advice. Unless it's a safety issue (reins are for safety) like muslims over prams in which case I'd have gratefully welcomed the warning if not already aware of the risks, I wonder wherever they get the notion that this is a good idea?

I ran into the road as a toddler and was then put on reins.
People have stupid hangups about 'babies on leads' but it's pure ignorance.

we must never bite back when people verbally attack us. Only respond with something educational and graceful. Or stay silent

I don't think that's what people are saying. Some PP have suggested better responses but in the moment you went for the school kid equivalent of "you stink"! LOL. This thread shows how we all react differently and have varying ideas about what's appropriate or deserved. How about a scrap in the shampoo aisle? Lob a bath bomb at her head...have it!

Reins are fine. Hand holding is fine. What I hate to see are parents who grip around their child’s wrist. Quite irrational I accept. I don’t say anything but my pants hoik themselves if I see it!

It’s a very visible advert to the world that you don’t have control over your child, which implies you haven’t parented adequately so yes people are likely to comment (they’re dicks to do so btw, but it’s just what people are like).

The false dichotomy between reins or running into the road is a non-starter though, if your child can’t be trusted not to run off, you need to parent better and they need to be strapped into a buggy until they get it. They kick off in the buggy? Too bad.

A lot of parents are way too soft these days, I wouldn’t have dreamt of bolting as a child - my mum would have been furious with me and there would have been consequences, the same goes for my own DC.

Obviously exceptions for children with special needs apply, but I think the number of genuine cases where this is an issue is very small.

I was just about to mention this, tragic.

I don't give a fuck what they look like, peoples opinions etc, keep the child safe!