Did she really just say this?! WTAF?!

[Takemebacktothenorth]

Hi,

I'm trying not to be outraged by this, but I just can't get my head around this womans comment!

Joined a friend app a few months a go and have actually been pleasantly surprised by it so far and have met some lovely women and made a few good friends, which was the aim, so am obviously happy.

However, I had been chatting to this woman for a few days and she sounded like an intelligent, interesting person, but when she asked what my husband did for a living and I corrected her and said "sorry, wife", she got really strange and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm really just looking for friends, which is why I'm on a friend app" 😶🤔🙄

Erm....what? 1, why would I try to find women on a friend app when there are plenty of dating apps? 2, why would I try and chat her up by telling her I had a wife?! So many whys here!!

It's absolutely ridiculous and bloody insulting! Does me having a wife mean I can't possibly have a platonic relationship with a woman?!

Just venting really.

What an incredibly stupid thing to say! Not to mention bigoted etc.. "Twats Friends"like that you do not need.

It's sad that she thinks that, and surely borderline homophobic and stereotyping. It's like the old adage 'women and (straight) men can't be friends, because sexual attraction always gets in the way'. I don't think that's true but maybe she's assuming the same of a lesbian? It does kind of make sense, though I think it's wrong.

It’s what PP said, seeing gay people as sexual beings, not rounded whole beings. I shared a house share with a woman once who stopped holding hands with her own sister, after her sister came out as gay.

The lengths some people will go to to try to explain away homophobia,

I had a somewhat similar incident once where a woman who had previously been quite friendly in my tennis class asked me what my husband did. I replied “oh I I’m gay actually, my wife’s a scientist” and the woman suddenly looked very uncomfortable and squirmy and replied “Ohh right well, not that there’s anything wrong with that - ha ha ha ha” edged away and never spoke to me again.

I posted about it because I found it a bit shocking and a bit funny. The NUMBER of people who replied saying 1. She was trying to reassure me that there was nothing wrong with being a scientist, 2. She was trying to say that despite there still being a lot of homophobia out there, she was not homophobic and I was safe with her 3. She was making some sort of joke about there being a lot of gay women who played tennis so the tennis club was an accepting place etc. was staggering.

LOL 😀good joke!

I see the OP has clarified the app name, but for those interested there’s another one for this called Peanut. It’s only for women to make new friends (you verify your account by the uploading a photo of yourself AND taking a live face cam photo).

Fucking hell, there it is. Please tell me this is a crap attempt at sarcasm?? Id find the thought of a relationship with you distasteful but i wouldn't be rude to your partners for it

I would probably also back away from a man who wanted to chat and be friends if I found out he had a wife, no matter how platonic it was. Whenever you are the same gender as a potential partner / person's spouse, I think it gets a little tricky - especially on an app

I find the thought of you “not nice” @Percyprod

I hope this is a troll post, it's a bit too on the nose (I mean "normal people", really?), but experience tells me that there are still plenty of people out there who think like this. Just like there are people who thi k gay people want to immediately shag anyone of the same sex.

Some very defensive people on here who, for some reason, really don’t want to believe that gay people have to endure homophobia. (And also who are apparently incapable of RTFT for the OP’s updates.)

About 20 years ago my then girlfriend's secretary (she had a good job!) Said to her on finding out my existence.. 'oh well just so you know. I'm not interested in you at all'
My girlfriend was her boss....
We had a great laugh about it.
20 YEARS ago....ffs...
You couldn't report that kind of thing to HR then either.
I wonder if she's still harbouring those kind of views. They used to be pretty common views so presumably plenty of those people are still floating around like the ignorant bigots they all were popping up here and there...

What a homophobic twat! You told her you had a wife, not that you were looking to hook up with random women. Like does she think it’s not possible to be friends with a woman who is married to another woman?? I don’t get the rationale there. I have a few lesbian friends who have never once tried to hit on me! You want to know why, because we’re just friends and I’m not attracted to women like that, besides the fact that we’re all married to other people.

Shocking but so many heterosexual people think the gays are ''at it all the times'' it is very tiresome. The Cost coffee latest ad is about a silly woman assuming she is being chatted up by the girl behind the counter. I would just say ''you are really not at my type at all '' and leave her wonder, forever

@Midlifemusings what are bisexual people suppose to do then, not have any friends?

I don't really get this argument. First, if you are a lesbian who is used to being friends with women then women are, to you, both potential romantic partners AND friends. It's not like you are only befriending them because you want to sleep with them, the way that some men only befriend women to sleep with them. Second, what is wrong with fancying your friends? As long as you don't act on it at all, seems fine.

Jesus, did you really say that?????

You did mention normal in your vile post.

OP mentioned her wife. She did not ask this woman to start picturing them shagging. If whenever someone casually mentions their spouse you immediately start imagining them making the beast with two backs then you have a serious problem.

it must be hard going through life thinking everyone wants to fuck you

You absolutely can bully people into accepting homosexuality if by accepting you mean not discriminating against you. No of course you can't force someone to have sex with you or be friends with you. But equally, I do think that not wanting to be friends with someone because of their sexuality is the same as not wanting to be friends with someone because of the colour of their skin: hateful and stupid.

Slightly off topic- would you recommend the app? I'm in the market for new girlfriends 🙂

I am just pretty cautious about the intentions of people I meet on apps online. I know 2 people who are now dating people they met on BFF, one is a lesbian.

Both people went on it actually wanting a relationship but not liking the hook up culture of dating apps so they felt a friendship app would be a better place to start to have a foundation and see if anything further developed. Both are in their twenties and seem to think this is a common use of the friend apps.

On a app, anyone can be anyone and if someeone is married but looking for friends of the same gender as their partner, I personally would back away.

On a app, anyone can be anyone and if someeone is married but looking for friends of the same gender as their partner, I personally would back away.

Or…you could just continue socialising with them normally, but say “no” if they suggest a shag?

I don't want to hang out with some guy or gal while their wife is at work or busy that I met on an app. To each their own. If a friendship develops naturally and I know more about the context and the person, so be it but I don't really trust apps and would back away if it was someone looking for a partner of the same sex as their spouse. To each their own.

Nor would I be okay with my husband going on apps to meet other women to befriend them. Maybe I am just old.