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Original poster

Did she really just say this?! WTAF?!

312 replies

Takemebacktothenorth · 11/08/2022 17:48

Hi,

I'm trying not to be outraged by this, but I just can't get my head around this womans comment!

Joined a friend app a few months a go and have actually been pleasantly surprised by it so far and have met some lovely women and made a few good friends, which was the aim, so am obviously happy.

However, I had been chatting to this woman for a few days and she sounded like an intelligent, interesting person, but when she asked what my husband did for a living and I corrected her and said "sorry, wife", she got really strange and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm really just looking for friends, which is why I'm on a friend app" 😶🤔🙄

Erm....what? 1, why would I try to find women on a friend app when there are plenty of dating apps? 2, why would I try and chat her up by telling her I had a wife?! So many whys here!!

It's absolutely ridiculous and bloody insulting! Does me having a wife mean I can't possibly have a platonic relationship with a woman?!

Just venting really.

OP posts:
Womblingforfree · 12/08/2022 19:55

@Midlifemusings okay so I'm going to say I can see what you mean here.. and I'm willing to accept it's possible. But as I said in my OP I don't think a straight man looking for female friend and a lesbian looking for a female friend is the same thought process.( I could be being really unfair on men here though). I do like men and have some male friends, but ultimately I prefer the company of women. So I wouldn't be looking for male friends to do activities with. To be brutally honest I don't find men of my own age group that interesting! Isn't that pretty normal for a nearly 50 year old woman??
If the young-uns are using friendship apps to hook up then I couldn't comment.
All this has made me think is, jeez I'm steering clear of any apps, friendship or dating..it's a minefield!

Midlifemusings · 12/08/2022 20:08

@Womblingforfree

According to my niece, dating apps are too full of people looking for casual sex or just for sex. In her view, it would be a needle in a haystack to find a decent serious relationship partner on a dating app. According to her, friendship apps are for people who want a relationship based on friendship - in her view you meet people you think you would click with and maybe they become a good friend or maybe more. In her case, she went on BFF after a breakup and met anothe girl who had also just had a break up and they bonded and are now dating. My niece's roommate is also dating a guy she met on BFF. They had both just moved to the city and were looking to make friends in the new city and they hit it off and are dating.

De88 · 12/08/2022 20:31

Good job she showed you what a twat she is early on!

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ClasslessLady · 12/08/2022 20:44

I think if op was a man with a wife and a woman replied that she's just chatting to make friends that would be ok so I don't see why it's wrong to clarify this with a bi or a lesbian woman. I don't see this as homophobia, a bit presumptuous but she doesn't know op or op's intentions. I don't think there was any harm in clarifying her boundaries and intentions upon learning that op has sexual attraction to same sex.

MoreLettuce · 12/08/2022 20:44

How disappointing she reacted like that! What a narrow minded woman she is.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 12/08/2022 23:41

ClasslessLady · 12/08/2022 20:44

I think if op was a man with a wife and a woman replied that she's just chatting to make friends that would be ok so I don't see why it's wrong to clarify this with a bi or a lesbian woman. I don't see this as homophobia, a bit presumptuous but she doesn't know op or op's intentions. I don't think there was any harm in clarifying her boundaries and intentions upon learning that op has sexual attraction to same sex.

Jesus Christ 🙄

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 12/08/2022 23:44

Maybe I am just old.

You misspelled ‘odd’.

OldFan · 12/08/2022 23:49

I've had similar happen, it's really offensive.

OldFan · 12/08/2022 23:58

@ClasslessLady The thing is it was a friendship app so, that someone is there seeking friendship should be assumed unless someone says something that suggests otherwise (OP did the opposite anyway, she said she already has a partner, in fact a wife.)

To assume someone has an ulterior motive of sex because they're a lesbian, is offensive and homophobic.

Mothership4two · 13/08/2022 00:13

OP she made a stupid comment and you are probably doing the right thing just leaving it IMO

I'm a straight woman and when I was younger I used to go on holiday and weekend breaks with female friends and had a few strange and oddly homophobic comments and reactions (one young couple openly laughing at my friend and me when they say us for example) but I thought things had moved on since then!

SleepingStandingUp · 13/08/2022 00:29

ClasslessLady · 12/08/2022 20:44

I think if op was a man with a wife and a woman replied that she's just chatting to make friends that would be ok so I don't see why it's wrong to clarify this with a bi or a lesbian woman. I don't see this as homophobia, a bit presumptuous but she doesn't know op or op's intentions. I don't think there was any harm in clarifying her boundaries and intentions upon learning that op has sexual attraction to same sex.

Its massively egotistical to assume anyone attracted to your sex probably wants to fuck you so you. Esp on a friendship app where they're very honest about their marriage. And it's possible that this woman, every time a man talks to her, points out that she's not looking for a hook up thanks, yes i know you only asked for directions but I AM very hot. So granted, she might just be an egotistical idiot

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/08/2022 00:40

LivingDeadGirlUK · 11/08/2022 18:30

Well there are a LOT of people on here who think straight men and women cant be friends. I expect she was one of those and her mind was blown...

Precisely

Kate0902900908 · 13/08/2022 07:49

I would reply asking exactly what she means?
….. sounds to me like she couldn’t possibly be friends with a women who is a lesbian 🤯
some people blow my mind.

Misty78 · 13/08/2022 08:42

What an idiot!! Why do people assume that if your gay you instantly fancy them!! The amount of people who make it clear they like men to me when they find out I'm into women is crazy, and then they have to cheek to be offended when I say "You aint my type", people are nuts, what the name of the app?

Solonge · 13/08/2022 12:58

Clearly understands very little outside of her bubble....maybe what you could do, as you thought initially she was intelligent...is to educate her. Tell her that you also joined a friends network...and as you have said, you are married so not looking for more than some nice mates. You may do her a huge favour for the future.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/08/2022 14:53

Wow. She clearly thinks that gay means promiscuous. I would have called her out on it and asked her why she thought you telling her you already have a wife is a chat up line !! Lucky escape from a bigoted twat that you definitely don’t need in your life.

Ninki12 · 13/08/2022 15:25

So you’re outraged! Bloody hell - you need to chill out a bit.
Still you must feel reassured by all the equally outraged people reading your comment. Their comments such as:- twat; bigot; homophobic dumbass and so on - all very nice.
Maybe, just maybe the woman was a bit disconcerted at the time.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 13/08/2022 15:41

What’s to be ‘disconcerted’ about unless she has a problem with gay people?

Greatfyl · 13/08/2022 15:50

Maybe, just maybe the woman was a bit disconcerted at the time.
Can you explain this @Ninki12? Why disconcerted? Because she had forgotten gay people exist?

SleepingStandingUp · 13/08/2022 17:08

Ninki12 · 13/08/2022 15:25

So you’re outraged! Bloody hell - you need to chill out a bit.
Still you must feel reassured by all the equally outraged people reading your comment. Their comments such as:- twat; bigot; homophobic dumbass and so on - all very nice.
Maybe, just maybe the woman was a bit disconcerted at the time.

I know right, fancy having a chat convo with a lesbian. Those kind of people should def put a disclaimer at the start of their chat. I mean l, as IF a lesbian wants a female friend. They just want to fuck everyone. I bet OP and her wife had a WILD weekend of sex planned for her when she met them for coffee.

Ffs.

🙄

Ninki12 · 13/08/2022 17:16

Just reel ‘em in …..😏

NattyNatashia · 13/08/2022 17:50

It's interesting seeing some of the comments here. Perhaps she is bigoted or just got the wrong end of the stick, either way nothing to get upset about. That said find many women assume all (most) guys are our for what they can get sexually too so not restricted to gay men/women.

141mum · 13/08/2022 19:01

I’m lol I’m so shocked, just say, listen not in a million years, but why oh why would her small brain think like that, it’s 2022

drbuzzaro · 13/08/2022 19:08

NattyNatashia · 13/08/2022 17:50

It's interesting seeing some of the comments here. Perhaps she is bigoted or just got the wrong end of the stick, either way nothing to get upset about. That said find many women assume all (most) guys are our for what they can get sexually too so not restricted to gay men/women.

since when is honophobia othibg to be upset about?

AgnestaVipers · 14/08/2022 06:03

Anyway, I’m off to buy cucumbers, aubergines, courgettes and a butternut squash.

That sounds filling.

But I know plenty of straight women who have flirted with lesbians

God, yes. This has happened a lot. I agree with the old adage about straight women being like spaghetti.

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