Did she really just say this?! WTAF?!

[Takemebacktothenorth]

Hi,

I'm trying not to be outraged by this, but I just can't get my head around this womans comment!

Joined a friend app a few months a go and have actually been pleasantly surprised by it so far and have met some lovely women and made a few good friends, which was the aim, so am obviously happy.

However, I had been chatting to this woman for a few days and she sounded like an intelligent, interesting person, but when she asked what my husband did for a living and I corrected her and said "sorry, wife", she got really strange and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm really just looking for friends, which is why I'm on a friend app" 😶🤔🙄

Erm....what? 1, why would I try to find women on a friend app when there are plenty of dating apps? 2, why would I try and chat her up by telling her I had a wife?! So many whys here!!

It's absolutely ridiculous and bloody insulting! Does me having a wife mean I can't possibly have a platonic relationship with a woman?!

Just venting really.

I think there’s been a massive amount of overreaction here. The idea of using apps to find friends and not a sexual relationship is still quite a novel one for most people. Usually people think of them as tools for finding a partner. This woman might have just joined , feeling a bit nervous. To have another woman explain she is gay might have confused her a bit. She might just not have known what expectations there were. People say silly things when they are flustered. Why read so much into it?

Someone mentioned that they couldn’t believe that a poster who went o high school in the seventies had never met openly gay women. I went to high school in the seventies. The word ‘lesbo’ was flung about as an insult. No one I knew would have admitted to such feelings. Things have changed a lot thank god, but let’s not pretend that things have always been that way.

Also of course it’s confusing for children who are just learning that sex even exists between men and women, to make sense of how a same sex couple procreate. Of course it’s a difficult thing to understand. The world is still very male/female have sex and have a baby. This is the model children learn about.

Also of course it’s confusing for children who are just learning that sex even exists between men and women, to make sense of how a same sex couple procreate.
Why do they need to know how people who are gay have sex or babies?! That's age appropriate, surely?;
I mean, a 4 or 5 year old knows that a straight couple can be married/kiss/love each other and don't know anything about sex.
Why is it any different if it's a gay couple?

I think it was 12 year olds under discussion.

Very young children seem to know about sex these days. Sadly.

I mean, really, parents shouldn’t be letting 10/11/12 year olds loose in the world without covering this briefly, but, more importantly, impressing on them how rude it is to question someone’s conception or family structure.

To have another woman explain she is gay might have confused her a bit.

She didn't explain she's gay, she talked about her wife. Which seems like last thing to talk about to someone you were interested in dating.

Ridiculous. It’s normal to be confused about things like that at that age. You must have been a very sophisticated child.

Obviously if she talked about her wife she was gay.

Is it possible when you said you had a wife she rather close-mindedly thought she had been chatting to a straight man?

@KatherineofAragon A while before the 70's I'm afraid, but we were aware that the word lesbo was an insult. We were not sure why though. After WW2 there were many women who lived with other women. They were lovely, and put up with children, spoke to us like adults, and asked darkly if it was time we went home, when they got bored with us, which was quite quickly! Many were honorary Aunties. Nobody ever said anything against them, and I was aware later on that there was an understanding and friendship between most of the local women, both conventionally married and those not. (Not many men around at that time.)

And we had TV, but black and white.

Or bisexual, but either way clearly not looking for a relationship.

Sophisticated? To know at 12 not to debate another 12 year old’s family structure with them? We didn’t have many out gay parents in my day, but surely be secondary school, everyone knows not to do that “he can’t be your real dad because x” or “you mean half-sister not sister?” thing? It just takes a bit of basic manners and sensitivity. If it was 7 year olds, you might give them a bit more leaway.

I wasn't alive in the 70s which os why i asked. And if lesbo was an insult, you knew what one was, which the pp i was asking claimed to have no concept of unti she married and moved to London.

@HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd i agree in theory re manners, but at 12 they're still very young and "real sister/ step Dad" etc the biology is obvious. Not all 12 year olds i guess are aware of sperm donors etc. And if we can never question any one when we don't understand how do we learn? Pp's daughter corrected her, and now she knows so when someone says something in the future, she'll be able to pass that knowledge on too. Obv we just learn how to be less blunt as we age.

Yes i agree its a lot for your DD to habe to explain the science to every wide eyed teen.

DS asked about two Daddy's so i explained about surrogacy (not in an MNesque rant) and adoption (inc all the reasons i am not adopting a new baby for him!) but i don't think he's confused about two Mommy's cos he doesn't know what the penis does yet 🤔😂

This woman might have just joined , feeling a bit nervous. To have another woman explain she is gay might have confused her a bit. She might just not have known what expectations there were. People say silly things when they are flustered. Why read so much into it?

Because a cunt is a cunt.

If a man was chatting to me on an app for friends I’d definitely make clear friends is all I’m interested in. Even though it’s an app for friends I still wouldn’t put it past some. I’ve met up with men for language exchanges to find they’re interested in something else.

The mistake she made is treating all people attracted to women the same.

But you’re treating all men attracted to women in the same way…

What else can you do when you know nothing about the person concerned? Most women would be dubious about a man chatting to them on an app supposedly for making friends.

You know that she's married. Talking about your spouse isn't really much of a chat up line.

Katharine of Aragon, or just plain arrogant?

I think you need to check the meaning of arrogant. It’s not arrogant to be cautious . Online safety is important.

But it is arrogant to assume someone who’s just told you they have a spouse is dying to jump your bones.

yeah need to stay safe against those scary lesbians...

Exactly. Lesbians are notoriously predatory and dangerous.