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Original poster

Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

253 replies

GratefulMe · 10/08/2022 09:45

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

OP posts:
mjf981 · 10/08/2022 09:54

My guess - religious family heavily involved with the church, strict but structured upbringing, lots of family help, live in a cheap area (midwest?), Dad has a professional job (dentist, doctor - both very very well paid in the US). I know of similar families, and despite the negativity directed towards the US on MN, they are generally very happy and content with their lives.

Louise0701 · 10/08/2022 09:57

This could be my friend except she has 6 and is English. Her children are impeccably behaved and aren’t expected to “help” with younger children at all. It does baffle me when I see this on here as I have 3, soon to be 4, and my eldest doesn’t help with the younger 2, nor would I ever expect her too.

I’ve seen parents with 1 child struggle to cope and parent effectively so I think it’s how you are as a parent and not how many children you have.

Harrriet · 10/08/2022 09:57

I have 6 and I think it's clear boundaries and expectations. Also developing a look that stops them dead! Not forgetting sheer good luck.

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JustLyra · 10/08/2022 10:00

I have 6 and none of them have childcare of their siblings expected on them.

I don’t know why that’s such a strong assumption on here about big families.

The people I know who expect the most “look after your sibling” have 2 or 3 kids.

Harrriet · 10/08/2022 10:00

Sorry pressed send. Ours are not expected to do any childcare.. The older ones will do things for the younger ones but its because they want to.

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 10:01

Pure god damn luck. (And obviously calm, mild tempered parents so some genetics at play) My dc are pretty well behaved more so than most of their peers I'd say and I've always been fairly strict but it doesn't stop them niggling and fighting with each other CONSTANTLY or being bouncy and having lots of energy. There's only 2 of them. 7 would be chaos despite rules and consistency

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 10/08/2022 10:02

Good parenting, calm temperaments of the kids and probably some level of chance (if you’d seen them on another day they might have been pulling their hair out).
My first born is a dream and if I’d had 7 of her I’m sure I’d look like a brilliant parent. My second ADHD firecracker make quite a different impression.

hopeishere · 10/08/2022 10:06

I know someone with 8 and they are also religious (and anti vax / ant abortion/ climate deniers etc etc).

The kids are expected to look out for the younger ones. They are very well behaved but the girls seem to have low expectations of to get married young and have their own families.

I think it's just being very calm and clear expectations from the start.

Quitelikeacatslife · 10/08/2022 10:08

I wonder if you have that many you are given over to the children in a way, totally child focussed at home rather than trying to fit in your own life! Focus on behaviour and routine , That often is where conflict lies when trying to juggle those things ? I couldn't do that, which is why I stopped at 2.

GirlInACountrySong · 10/08/2022 10:10

Could be good parenting....could be a family who rule with an iron rod like the Turpin family

Coachwork · 10/08/2022 10:12

I'm one of 8. You could have been describing us out and about. We wouldn't have dared misbehave in public, especially when DF was present, nor would he needed to have raise his voice. The rules/boundaries were clearly understood and in our case we would have been too scared to play up.
I never received corporal punishment but it was understood that this would be the consequence if we were naughty. As a result we were almost invisible as children, never daring to voice our opinions. Obviously it's not all cases but when I see children like this now I pity them. Think of your own DC and how they are.

Original poster
GratefulMe · 10/08/2022 10:15

JustLyra · 10/08/2022 10:00

I have 6 and none of them have childcare of their siblings expected on them.

I don’t know why that’s such a strong assumption on here about big families.

The people I know who expect the most “look after your sibling” have 2 or 3 kids.

I don't know that it's an expectation as such, but I'd have thought it evolved naturally. Not childcare responsibility, but "Jane, hold Jonny's hand a minute" or "Fred can you help Sally with her coat". In the same way that I might ask mine to fetch something from the garage!

OP posts:
NiqueNique · 10/08/2022 10:16

I’m one of 8 siblings. Not American but not from the U.K. either.

My parents (speaking generally) were firm but fair, kept boundaries clear and expected good behaviour from all of us, within reasonable limits for age. This results in well behaved children, for the most part, and structure at home, and outside the home, rather than chaos.

I did help with my younger siblings here and there but I was quite a lot older so it just came naturally tbh. I’ve never resented it.

There are advantages and disadvantages to growing up in a larger family (just as there are to any other set-up IMO) but on the whole it was a positive experience and we each have a lot of family support now - no one is ever alone in the world or doesn’t have anyone to ask for help, support or a listening ear. It’s something that I’ve really learnt the value of over the years especially now that my own children are adults. I’m happy that they have a lot of extended family to fall back on if needed. A bit like the proverbial village!

Original poster
GratefulMe · 10/08/2022 10:17

Coachwork · 10/08/2022 10:12

I'm one of 8. You could have been describing us out and about. We wouldn't have dared misbehave in public, especially when DF was present, nor would he needed to have raise his voice. The rules/boundaries were clearly understood and in our case we would have been too scared to play up.
I never received corporal punishment but it was understood that this would be the consequence if we were naughty. As a result we were almost invisible as children, never daring to voice our opinions. Obviously it's not all cases but when I see children like this now I pity them. Think of your own DC and how they are.

I think this is what I found so fascinating. It was impressive, but also didn't seem quite right. No one seemed particularly happy. Obviously it was an airport, no-one's having fun, but there was no visible excitement, just order.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 10:19

Dd1 has always helped dd2 even though there are only 3 years difference. It's just in her nature, she's always entertaining toddlers/babies whenever she gets the chance too.

RudsyFarmer · 10/08/2022 10:21

In America spanking is common place and widely accepted. I would hope the parents keep order by using excellent parenting methods but it wouldn’t surprise me if force was being used behind closed doors. Most children aren’t wired for obedience.

minipie · 10/08/2022 10:21

liveforsummer · 10/08/2022 10:01

Pure god damn luck. (And obviously calm, mild tempered parents so some genetics at play) My dc are pretty well behaved more so than most of their peers I'd say and I've always been fairly strict but it doesn't stop them niggling and fighting with each other CONSTANTLY or being bouncy and having lots of energy. There's only 2 of them. 7 would be chaos despite rules and consistency

Same <solidarity fist bump>

NiqueNique · 10/08/2022 10:25

We didn’t have the iron rod/fear aspect so I wouldn’t presume that’s the case in every family. Plenty of fun and laughter and so on. I think maybe where it’s quite different to having fewer children is that there isn’t the same capacity for indulging the individual child’s wants or likes/dislikes, but tbh I think a lot of parents take this way too far now anyway and it’s probably healthier in the long run to instil a certain level of resilience/stoicism rather than going overboard with indulging (since life isn’t actually all plain sailing).

If you’re a proponent of authoritative parenting then that just naturally extends to however many children there are, and the results are broadly the same whether it’s one child, or three, or eight.

Another big point is that there weren’t any special needs or disabilities - it would obviously have been quite a different experience had one or more of us had any significant needs of that kind.

NiqueNique · 10/08/2022 10:28

Oh yes there was plenty of low-level squabbling here and there but that’s just normal with siblings! I think there must be a certain level at which more of the same no longer feels any different to the parents! Grin

SuperCamp · 10/08/2022 10:29

RudsyFarmer · 10/08/2022 10:21

In America spanking is common place and widely accepted. I would hope the parents keep order by using excellent parenting methods but it wouldn’t surprise me if force was being used behind closed doors. Most children aren’t wired for obedience.

Yep, especially amongst the religious families where large numbers of kids are favoured.

There have been well documented extreme cases, those awful ‘how to train up a child’ books, but the ‘spare the rod’ approach to discipline is considered a Christian duty.

ShirleyPhallus · 10/08/2022 10:31

Was it one of the Hanson brothers? They have a million kids between them!

Original poster
GratefulMe · 10/08/2022 10:31

NiqueNique · 10/08/2022 10:28

Oh yes there was plenty of low-level squabbling here and there but that’s just normal with siblings! I think there must be a certain level at which more of the same no longer feels any different to the parents! Grin

This is it, there was none of that. The children weren't even really talking to each other.

I don't know they just really stood out. Maybe just because they were an American family who were loud or fat! <tongue in cheek>

OP posts:
User48751490 · 10/08/2022 10:34

I know a local family with ten children like this. Completely relaxed about it all. No idea how they do it.

Original poster
GratefulMe · 10/08/2022 10:35

GratefulMe · 10/08/2022 10:31

This is it, there was none of that. The children weren't even really talking to each other.

I don't know they just really stood out. Maybe just because they were an American family who were loud or fat! <tongue in cheek>

Show quote history

Oh dear, weren't loud...

OP posts:
YouSoundLovely · 10/08/2022 10:35

Tbh, I'd assume a degree of fear to play a part, especially since it was a quiet and subdued (rather than engaged and chatty) type of good behaviour.