Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

[GratefulMe]

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

@Kneedles I think you're a bit confused. We'll behaved does have to equal silent and subdued. Even the next behaved ex are normally quite animated or will chat to the sibling beside them

Could be Mormon? They encourage lots of children, and "traditional" family values are expected to be front and centre. Children are expected, and trained, to be orderly, quiet and respectful - especially when out in public.

I completely agree. I have 4, and they are all expected to help around the house, tidying up, setting the table, older ones watching the youngest one if I'm making breakfast etc. Everyone contributes.

My DH wasn't expected to do anything, growing up. The expectation that everything would be done for him continued as an adult. He is NOT like that anymore, I hasten to add. He's brilliant now. Just my little bit of anecdata!

I was one of 4 and my Mum had a look that would stop us dead! We knew how to behave but if we dared play up in public she would give us the death stare or squeeze our hand tight and we knew to stop. She is a lovely Mum in all ways but had to manage 4 under the age of 6.

Were the children called John-boy, Jason, Erin, Mary-Ellen, Jim-Bob, Ben and Elizabeth?

Threats to turn the plane back if they stepped out of line.

People are always very quick to say that the children are afraid which seems quite unfair.

Would you say that if a teacher was in charge of 7 children and they all behaved well? Or if it was 2 or 3 children and they were well behaved?

I think in larger families, if you have high expectations of behaviour and parent well then there is an element of peer pressure from your siblings and often in large families there is one parent at home all the time so more time can go into behaviour etc than if the kids are brought up by 2 parents who are working and have other pressures on them.

Boundaries and expectations begin as soon as baby is crawling. People don't realise this is perfect age to teach the word no and follow through. So many kids running riot theses days because parents are too weak and airy fairy to discipline their children.

They are all robots.

I don't think it's luck I think it's hard work putting in to get your children to behave themselves and following through with consequences

What's the problem with looking out for younger siblings?. I think it comes naturally , older siblings always feel protective of younger ones,
and end up looking after them, helping them tie their shoes, holding their hands when crossing the street , calming them when they have a meltdown , I’ve yet to see an older sibling who doesn’t do that,

It’s interesting that unruly behaviour is so normalised now that people assume well-behaved children must be abused.

My parents were frequently congratulated on such well behaved children when we were younger - we would not have dreamed of acting up in public (once we were out of toddler years of course). We would sit reading or with colouring books.

I think it was a mixture of our temperament of being pretty shy and also not wanting to get in trouble.

My parents were probably quite smug about it until my brother came along and was a tornado of destruction and screaming.

A friend of mine has 6 children (including one set of twins) between 4 and 14, they are not religious in the slightest and def not anti vac etc. Again absolutely no expectation of the eldest “helping” with the youngest, on the whole the dc get on very well, although they do squabble and their Dc may be unhappy about something but things are quickly resolved by one of the parents calmly taking to them- absolutely no threats of any kind are made by the parents!
They are are a wonderful family.
My own two were like this, no meltdowns in public, always being praised by other for their good behaviour. If there was an issue we just spoke gently to them and got to the bottom of it, and they got in with their day.
I used to teach Infants and I never shouted at the children. I may show I was cross/unhappy about something but if you need to shout you’ve lost it and that’s not good for anyone.

The death stare!

Also the moment, almost in slow motion, when you would mumble a comment back at your mum as she was walking away and she would spin back round at you like this

Looking out for siblings isn’t an issue, but when you have a big family people often assume that your elder children spend their lives parenting younger siblings because you can’t possibly cope with them all yourselves.

I have 5 and we’ve flown all over the place. We aren’t religious and they aren’t smacked/bullied nor did they do childcare as is so often trotted out about large families.

I used to know well a family with six children under six years old. Their children were lovely. Well behaved, well socialised, doing really well. The parents were both brilliant at parenting. Really calm, very engaged with the children, and crucially the dad did as much as the mum.
I know we are not supposed to say it, but most parents are good enough, a small number are totally inadequate, and some are totally brilliant.

@WireSkills the driving to a holiday seems common. My family will drive from Tennessee down to Florida most years and sometimes to Washington DC.

Mormons.

My biological mum is one, lives in Utah, the whole deal. Especially since you say the parents were young 30s, and that means a child every year or so since the age of 21, which is about right for Mormon marriage (no sex before marriage so the very religious tend to marry quite young).

If you go to Utah, you’ll see this type of thing a bit. Husband and I went there once, a few years after we’d gotten married, for the funeral of my biological mum’s mum and 1. What a truly bizarre time as they have potatoes they only eat at funerals and 2. The whole place just feels a bit strange before you even get off the aircraft, just looking around at all the families like the one OP talks about, if you’re not one. I hit my foot trying to get off the plane, really hurt, would have whispered “fuck” normally, but I was afraid the Mormon Secret Police would whisk me away (jokes aside, Mormons are not allowed to “curse,” have sex outside marriage, drink caffeine and that includes no cup of regular tea (!!!!!!!). Oh, and there’s that whole part where they do genealogy because they’re baptizing themselves as proxies for dead people who chose not to be Mormons in regular life, in order to ‘give them the choice’ to become Mormons in the afterlife, so… This is not a joke, nor is it a conspiracy theory. They’re quite open about it.)

Many people can run, some people train to win Olympics. Many people play music, some are trained enough to play in prestigious orchestras. Many people dance, a few commit to be able to perform ballet.

Parenting is no different, some people are better at it than others. However we all love our children (or at least I hope we do), so the sight of a couple knocking it out the park like that in a traditional flashpoint of fractious behaviour can make anyone feel a bit shit. Note how many people on this thread are so keen to rush to assumptions of fear at best or outright abuse at worst, with knack all evidence.

Maybe they were just a nice family, on top of their parenting and lucked out that none of their children had more complex additional needs. However I’m sure they could tell you many a funny a story where the wheels fell off and bedlam ensued!

It’s interesting that unruly behaviour is so normalised now that people assume well-behaved children must be abused.

I know, so sad.
My DD has a toddler, she obviously behaves like a toddler 🤣 but she’s instantly removed from any cafe/restaurant etc if she gets too noisy. Other parents do not do this, it’s as their child’s annoying behaviour trumps all the other customers experience.

I think this is just a knee jerk reaction from some who do not want to believe this is possible to achieve.

Practise + luck?

I only have three but as we don't drive and I was frequently in early years by myself so they needed to behave for us to go out and about and I felt better out the house so they got lots of practise.

If they couldn't behave on bus we get off early and they'd walk further - if they didn't behave in cafe/restaurant we'd leave and they'd have to wait a bit longer for food/drinks - they never went without just had to wait and calm down before I'd try again.

I remember them being booked in extra swimming lessons and them just getting ready and another mother complimenting me - but they'd had several years of practise by then and were excited and keen for more sessions to be booked.

Also preparation if they had to sit still walk and play in park before hand fed watered and toileted and distractions snacks if possible and comics/toys then something good afterwards if they behaved.

I also remember the horror of another parent when I asked eldest to hold middle child's other hand to cross road- middle child one hand on pushchair with baby in - was quiet road with no traffic but handholding was always enforced - it was easier to do that that get them to other side of pushchair and hold it but next week I found out from mutterings this was apparently same as asking eldest to raise younger children.

It’s a bit sad when a family with well behaved kids is the exception and not the rule. This would be my family many years ago when they were small, they knew how to behave on a plane and not to disturb other people. I travel a lot in the US and this is quite normal, the kids are usually a joy to converse with.