Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

[GratefulMe]

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

Mormons

FFS!

@Butteryflakycrust83 Also the moment, almost in slow motion, when you would mumble a comment back at your mum as she was walking away and she would spin back round at you like this

🤣🤣🤣

As well as directly helping, older siblings can set the standard/norms for younger ones. I've a friend with 9 children and I remember visiting her when I had only one child who I was watching like a hawk while hers of a similar age (c.2 years old) just milled around with the older ones - as she said, the younger ones 'run with the pack' and learn behaviour etc from them as much as from their parents. So even if not expected to 'babysit', older siblings will influence the younger ones and that in itself can mean the parents do less absolutely direct parenting after the first couple of children than if they only had 2 or 3.

I don't think it's luck I think it's hard work putting in to get your children to behave themselves and following through with consequences

I'd generally agree but I think every so often there is a personality that just doesn't comply - that's the luck bit - even then I think management of the child is still important.

I don't think it's luck I think it's hard work putting in to get your children to behave themselves and following through with consequences

But that doesn't make sense. A child can be beautifully behaved while still being animated, chatty and curious.

I just flew back from america and there was a young American family with 6 children. They had 2 older girls then 2 boys then a baby and toddler. They were a jewish family - they all wore traditional Jewish clothing. They were also really well behaved but they did look to be having fun- the boys were watching the planes and the girls were giggling together. Mum had baby and dad had toddler. I only have 2 kids so I did think wow fair play taking all those kids on a long flight but they were all great. Maybe they go a lot and are used to it- who knows.

They were probably Mormons as my first guess, as others have said. I was born and raised in Utah. Children are well behaved generally. It's not just fear or whatever, it's just how they are raised. Of course you have have children who get in arguments and do misbehave, but when out and about, not really. The Mormon family dynamic is a different one.

Also, most of us aren't really blonde, but we do have a lot of blue eyes.

And funeral potatoes are delicious and you don't just eat them at funerals.

I got married to my high school sweetheart at 21. My best friend got married to her high school sweetheart at 20. Neither of us is Mormon.

The best of luck to them but Perhaps wait till the eldest gets to 15/16 years old and then the rest are a bit older in tween/teenage years and then the fun really starts when it comes to their behaviour/boundaries/respect etc 😂(speaking from experience)

I'm guessing social norms from heavy involvement with a wider, maybe religious community, introverted personalities who don't need to be constantly shrieking, attention seeking and "having fun" and sheer good luck. That, or fear of a thrashing/ ostracising.

Maybe the kids were all sedated?

It's impossible to judge a family from one short interaction (by short I mean less than one whole day), I think we should all remember that before judging other parents.

Op says "There was no fussing or attention seeking" said nothing about them being quiet or not animated or chatty or curious.

Squabbling - I think some of that's personality when tired DD2 and DS can get on each other nerves - but even there warnings, separation,distractions can work and sometimes not.

Energy and bounciness can be managed sometimes - not driving often meant mine had walk or journey beforehand but I was always taken back from parents who drove kids from house to event they needed to be quiet in with child having been confined in house then car and then were surprised they had excess energy with their excitement.

I used to work for a charity that supported lone parents. One lady had twin DS who were aged about 5 when we worked with her. They were very happy, lively kids and well cared for but v well behaved. What I noticed was how very quietly she spoke to them. They hung on her every word.

Our DS(2) was complimented on his behaviour when he was 7 by an elderly gentleman on our cruise holiday who had seen him eat his dinner sensibly every night. He came over to our table on the last night and told him how well behaved he was. I was a bit taken aback to be honest as he must have noticed that we played top trumps before/ after each course - he wasn’t sitting in silence. But we have always been able to take ours out to eat, armed with sticker books, top trumps etc . Any kicking off at the table and they knew they would be back in the car/ outside with me for a while. I can’t remember how we got to that point - we must have just made it clear that we would not tolerate shouting,, messing with food or running around. Not sure I could have coped with 7 though!!

A lot will also depend on where they were going, why, and what the build up was.

We recently flew to a holiday destination for a family funeral. On the way out all of us, including the children, were quiet. Everyone was well rested, it was daytime and we’d had lunch in the airport. We were all quiet sad about where we were going. Two people commented about how well behaved the children were, and I don’t doubt some might have thought they were “too quiet”. Nobody could possibly have guessed why we were going, we just looked like a family going on holiday.

On the way back we were that family. The flight was delayed, and already late, the kids were tired, the emotion had got to them, there had been unexpected stress as DH had to stay behind and they were all just foul to each other. Anyone seeing us that day would have thought I was an incapable moron of a parent who simply threw sweets, toys and the likes at her I’ll mannered kids to placate them whereas it was completely a case of doing what was needed to get us all home after a stressful time.

Normally we’re somewhere in the middle of the two.

@MercurialMonday she did later. No one seemed particularly happy, children didn't really speak to each other. You'd expect smiling and chatting among at least some of 7 siblings.

I am not a perfect parent, I think I am in the middle. But I agree with this. If we were expecting the children to sit at something quietly, we always built in time for them to run around a playground or be active beforehand. A lot of children do not I think get enough general run around time. Not sport with rules to follow, but just letting off steam time.

Sorry I missed that - though my teens can go quiet on long journey's younger they did frequently chat to us each other or have books/comics.

Though I do remember a few trips back when everyone was exhausted they were quiet - but that was coming back from long days out a theme parks when everyone was tired not just the kids and pleased to be sat train bit back - before having to do next leg of journey - a peaceful lull.

I agree it’s gobsmacking and quite sad really.

Mormons possibly though the wife can look drawn and thin , husband relishing his life.

I agree with this. I read so many posts on here where parents are saying 'my thirteen/ fourteen/ fifteen year old is out of control, being verbally and in some cases physically agressive. Others then sympathise and say 'they will grow out of it.'
I always wonder how the parents have allowed their child to get to get to that stage. My own children, now adults, were well behaved in public because they knew it was expected.

What baffles me though is the fact that they'll often drive to go on holiday. They have on more than one occasion driven from Ohio to Florida with 4 children in the car! It's 1,000 miles!
Their car set up includes a full size TV in the back to keep the kids entertained... it's mental!

Completely normal for everyone I know who lives in Canada, Australia or America.

She didn't look drawn. She was slim but not overly thin. She was very attractive actually. Not glamorous, no make up and short neat hair, but she was serene and smiling, much more than the children were. Really smooth/ young skin!

I probably spent touch time looking 😆

He was tall and broad, probably sporty. The kind of look that would be cast as the boy next door you never noticed until the day you realise he's really attractive!

They seemed nice as a couple too. Chatting quietly together while the children stood and waited nicely. I didn't see them have conversations with the children other than issuing directions.

To add - I think it's a sad indictment of our times that the sight of a well behaved family of children should be cause for comment.

I do have a feeling that, by some posters at least, 'well behaved' is being used as a synonym for 'seen and not heard'.