Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

[GratefulMe]

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

In think I often notice dc like this too. Even the best behaved dc are usually animated and energetic with lots to say especially in the contact of a foreign trip. I remember walking to nursery with dd aged and she was up and down steps, skipping wanting to walk on the wall, to stop and look at a flower, insect or a stone, all the time chatting then seeing another child calmly and obediently walking up behind us, holding his mums hand, not looking around or interacting and thinking why me what a difference there was

Sounds like a cult but maybe I’ve watched too much true crime..

Fear.

Not of being told off now, but because of the penalty you would pay hours from now when there were no witnesses.

What's the problem with looking out for younger siblings? Unless it is weirdly exploitative, why wouldn't you want your children to look out for one another? I've a smaller family but certainly the older ones help out a little with the younger ones - who also have their own chores/responsibilities according to ability.

Exactly. There's a clear difference. When I was young I had to look after my many half siblings when I was in secondary. That's not the same as asking the 7 year old to keep an eye on the 5 year old while you have a shower.

It actually isn't usually a good sign to have overly well behaved children.
I am one of three and we were always so well behaved. Other adults would comment on it constantly and complement our parents. I used to think yeah, if you only knew why.
If we stepped one fraction out of line, we would hear about it non stop when we got home- threats, removing things we had, silent treatment and the most prominent was physical punishment.
So it's not always a good sign. More often than not, it is worrying.

I know a similar family, but they only have 4 children. They run a wedding photography business.

They have some nice holidays every year and the kids are mostly well behaved (child #3 seems to be, erm, "characterful") but overall would behave like you've described.

They are very religious too.

As for affording expensive holidays, they live in mid-Ohio and spent $140k on their massive 5 bedroomed house. I know a lot of things are relative, but substantially cheaper housing will make a big difference.

I used to notice it to some extent pre-Covid with foreign holidays from the UK. There used to seem to be more people from "up North" than London and the South East. With the cost of living crisis nowadays, it will probably just be the richest of any part of the country!

What baffles me though is the fact that they'll often drive to go on holiday. They have on more than one occasion driven from Ohio to Florida with 4 children in the car! It's 1,000 miles!

Their car set up includes a full size TV in the back to keep the kids entertained... it's mental!

@liveforsummer the boy you describe could be my DS1 who has autism. At that age; had absolutely zero interest in new (or known) places, was non-verbal and showed very little, if any, reaction to things. Very much in his own world. Used to get comments about how well behaved he was which would just break my heart as all I wanted was for him to show some kind of excitement or any acknowledgment at all, really. He’s a little older now, speaking and is very hyper 99.9% of the time 😂 he would be the child jumping off the walls now.

My 3 are very well behaved and always have been. Not super strict parents but we’ve never gone down the line of them thinking they’re the same as us or their friends. We’re the parents, they’re the children, and actions have consequences.

Maybe kids are already seasoned travellers. I know kids like this, getting on a plane is like carching the bus. Amazed people think well behaved children equal scared/abused children.
Perhaps they were travelling to a funeral and were quiet because they were sad. I can't beleive the assumptions some posters are making.

I don't think 7 children would naturally be this ordered if they were on a bus or at funeral. A school bus is notoriously lively, even though they do that daily.

I know two families like this one English, one French. Both with 7 kids each.

Some people just know how to keep children in order without raising their voices. They’re quietly spoken, well organised. The British family, both parents are medical professionals.

They don’t either of them go on transatlantic flights though.

I should also say that in both families the children are all noticeably relaxed and well-adjusted. No sign of behind the scenes threats or cults. In the French family - large families are the norm and the mother was brought up in one, so she’s used to it.

There's well behaved and well behaved, though. Interacting, talking, laughing, at moderate volume, counts as well behaved to me and also sounds a lot more normal and natural than the subdued children OP describes. 'Calm and softly spoken' could be laid-back, benignly authoritative, or quite threatening.

My guess would be they are extremely well travelled. We fly a lot and my kids don’t act up in an airport or on a plane, nor are they particularly excited. They just plug into their device or books and take it in their stride. (In a supermarket however they will bicker and drive me mad!) Maybe the dad works in a different country and his company pays for a certain number of flights per year. I know a few families like that and so they all fly back and forth every couple of months.

Religious - probably threatens them with the devil will make you pay in hell for ever if you put a step out of place. Usually some form of fear with religions. Subdued is a worry, why do children need to be subdued. Nothing wrong with chatting appropriately.

The children weren't even really talking to one another sounds very odd. Perhaps they aren't allowed to?

This:

"I'm one of 8. You could have been describing us out and about. We wouldn't have dared misbehave in public, especially when DF was present, nor would he needed to have raise his voice. The rules/boundaries were clearly understood and in our case we would have been too scared to play up.
I never received corporal punishment but it was understood that this would be the consequence if we were naughty. As a result we were almost invisible as children, never daring to voice our opinions. Obviously it's not all cases but when I see children like this now I pity them. Think of your own DC and how they are."

My friend was from a larger family with very well behaved children and when she was an adult and left the family she described how fearful she was and how she hated it. The implied threat was always there of father in the background. No opinions but father's and no voices

They sound like a delightful family, all the best to them.

My first thought too. Probably Mormons.

Were they all blonde by any chance?

We’ve been to Utah for the national parks and there’s loads of these types of families: wealthy Mormons with beautifully dressed, well behaved children. They all seem to be universally to the point of unnaturally blonde so they stick out.

I'm actually really worried people must think I've been abusing my son for 17 years behind closed doors.

He's the most calm, placid and quiet child ever and even more so in busy situations.

I don't think it would have made any difference if I was out with 1 of him or 7 of him. He's exactly the same if we go out with friends

Same here. I find it shocking that ‘well behaved’ children is such a notable talking point.

I could take my three anywhere - we had strict expectations about behaviour but that was balanced with lots of love, fun, treats and personal freedom. We never hit or shouted but we talked to them a lot about how to behave and why. That doesn’t mean they were perfect all the time - but one look (like teachers do in a classroom) and they knew to reign it in. We weren’t afraid of being unpopular or being considered ‘mean’ - calmly and consistently reinforcing boundaries is what parenting is all about.

They are young adults now and they (and boyfriends and girlfriends) still actively choose to hang out with us and be at our house all the time. We still have fun and laughs so it clearly hasn’t scarred them.

😂

If they don't behave they can expect a swift MMMBop to the bum

The DF is definitely a helicopter parent. Everything about this screams it. It really is not normal for children to be non verbal and just behaving anticipatory to how they think they're supposed to.
Normal well behaved looks less rigid, the children are comfortable enough to interact with each other, others and their environment.
The soft spokenness of the father likely is anything but soft spoken behind closed doors. There will likely be a lot of non verbal looks from the DF to keep the children in line too.
The children probably get feedback 24/7 about the way they behave from the DF and are conditioned to be non interacting 24/7 (it's not well behaved, it's not relaxed enough to be exploratory as children naturally are).

It's sad to think that well behaved children don't seem to be the norm now and ill mannered noisy spoilt kids are to be expected somehow.