Fascinated by couple on plane with 7 DC

[GratefulMe]

They were Americans. Fairly young parents, I'd say mid 30s. Everyone neatly turned out but nothing flashy. Children ranged from c. 13yo to a baby. Clearly all related, as they had identical distinctive colouring.

Mum was mostly seeing to baby and Dad maintained absolutely complete order with the others. He was very calm and softly spoken, but everyone did as they were asked when they were asked. There was no fussing or attention seeking.

Also, I thought it interesting that the older children didn't seem to have any childcare role, they were well behaved, but they weren't looking out for their younger siblings.

This continued whist waiting at the airport, during the flight and through passport control at arrivals.

How do you think they've achieve it?

Also what do you do for a living to be able to take 7 DC on trans Atlantic holidays?!

I agree. You see the same in France with nursery age children all sitting down to a 3 course meal.

I'm fascinated by these families too - starter with the Duggars (although that didn't turn out so well) & Bates but now follow to some extent David and Priscilla Waller (6 DC), Erin and Chad Paine (5 DC), Ben and Jessa Seewald (4 DC) and several others who promote/share their lifestyle over social media (& almost certainly haven't completed their families yet).

Yes, religious but the way the talk and interact with their children seems spot on - both parents very hands on and devoted to parenting alongside a wider family with similar ideology. I'm not religious and only have one DC, maybe that is why I find them so interesting...

I'm a year off getting one to adulthood but all three are teens - and we're the same.

We've had many compliments over the years about how well behaved the kids are - which at times has felt very odd even DH find it odd many teacher staff have felt need to say that about our kids over the years.

I've also had some bloody awful journeys trips out over the years with kids misbehaving - you lay down expectations, enforce not using violence but consequences ie leaving early or not doing something and you hope for better next trip.

Op saw a snap shot - maybe that was in the lull of good/quiet behavior perhaps it's a cultural difference but I do find it disturbing how on MN good behavior must be abuse, fear or extreme religion.

Anecdotally so many parents of our generation are far too wet and pander to their kids. There’s no respect from the children to the adults. Then hey presto! Nightmare teens. We’ve seen this dynamic with soooo many families. Kids end up being lovely in the end (usually) but not til 18 plus.

Both Dh and I had firm parents you would not mess with. We are the same with our kids. Ours are well behaved and never talked back to us. Won’t be spoken to like shit least of all from my own child in my own house. Can’t believe what I used to witness in the school playground the way kids would talk to their parents- hideous.

fun, but there was no visible excitement, just order

Why should this shrieking and running round and (fecking arm swinging) be seen as ‘normal’ behavior? Why is it encouraged or ignored? Mainly parents who can’t be bothered to parent and teach children expected behaviour when out and about?

But there is a difference in what the OP is describing and how most well behaved children behave. You woukd expect that in most families a child might occasionally get over excited and squal or laugh a bit too loudly, one might get a bit stroppy with their siblings g, a toddler might cry over something insignificant just normal behaviour. What is unusual with these families is that you dont see any of this.

Speculation and wild generalizing. It's not so.

There’s probably the class reward/peer pressure type element with 6 or 7 too. So one sibling not wanting to mess the treat up for the others eg all miss out on zoo trip because he was silly or sit watching the other 6 have ice cream and him have none.

I randomly follow a few religious families on Instagram. Some Mormon, one catholic. Lots of children. Sahm. Lots of emphasis on routine eg set naps and chores from a very young age. Expectations that children will sit nicely through church from a young age. Children doing activities that require practice and discipline eg instruments or sports.

I wouldn't expect any children to be shrieking and running around, mine certainly didnt behave like that, butnin hours of waiting around at an airport there would have been a bit of winding their brothers up and some wining/asking for things, which inwoukd have easily and promptyl put a stop to.

In a group of 7 children wouldn't you expect there to be some conversation/ interest in seeing the planes taking off, where they were going, what they were going to do or just normal conversation and joking?

Why do you use that extreme language? . Smiling and chatting would be normal, having a giggle. The odd stop it to a sibling. Skipping off to play at the play area while you wait. General happiness and enthusiasm. None of that is shrieking, flailing or in any way bad behaviour. If you have to exaggerate so much to make your point you probably don't have one!

I don't know how they do it but we used to reward the good behaviour and try to ignore the bad as much as possible. If their behaviour needed addressing then we explained what would happen if they kept on with this and we always followed through. Always, they never got away with anything .
They were very good on the whole and they have grown up to be decent, happy, human beings thankfully

My guess would be Modern Orthodox Jewish family (we are nominally reform) but my sister's family are MO and they are like this. The subdudeness is not fear based, it is about not drawing attention to yourself/disturbing others also (honouring parents)

As an aside I love people watching like this. There was an attractive athletic looking blonde couple with 3 children (2 extremely well behaved children and a baby) at Disney. We were all in line. They were expensively dressed - watch, engagement ring but not flashy. They had an unofficial tour guide and a nanny with them and handed over $100 bill without blinking for children to get face painted while we waited. My guess was a German footballer

I know a family like that. British, not particularly religious, 7 DCs. They are all bright kids and they are all nice mannered. They are tranquil, their parents (teachers) are the same. I don't know how they do it, but it's definitely not fear, or anything like that.

The kids you saw might be tired, or bored. Not all children chat all the time, especially to siblings, who haven't any novelty value compared to friends or strangers.

Ffs 🤦‍♀️

We have 5 children and over the years we were frequently complimented on their behaviour but they were never like the children in the OP. They interacted with each other all the time and, in public, the interactions were mostly positive. They would help each other with coats and bags as a matter of course, not because there was an expectation that the older ones would provide care but because we were a family and as a family we would all help each other.

They would be good but clearly happy to be in each other's company and chatty.

A snap shot yes, but almost a whole day of it!

My children were well behaved, they knew No meant No and that if I made a threat it would be followed through. They wouldn't have dreamt of swearing on front of me (still wouldn't as adults) or of answering back. But getting them to stand/sit quietly at an airport for hours on end would still have had its moments.

I think it's sad well-behaved children are so noticeable. As for the insinuations of abuse or 'fearing the rod'😒.

I'm a firm but fair parent. My daughter acts out at home, but you wouldn't know it if you see us on a bus or plane. I remember her sighing, rolling her eyes etc at me when she was in year 3 and when I asked her if she behaves like that in school she told me - Don't be ridiculous mommy, this is at home behaviour, not school's 🙄

As a frequent flyer, she used to get herself organised with books, tablet and colouring pads for a flight; so barely even spoke to me until we disembarked. I'd hate to think anyone thought she was being subdued in any way.

@Dweetfidilove

Not so noticeable with one but when you have more than two who sit there well behaved it definitely gets commented on.

I was just thinking this ! Taylor has 7

It's all that practice sitting in church from toddlerhood . Teaches patience

We would have had a strict household like some of you describe. Parents were religious and used corporal punishment. We were all well behaved in public because we knew what would happen if we didn't. There were 5 of us.

OH has six in the family and I think their gang was even more well behaved than us. While they did go to mass every week like we did, they never had to do anything more than that unlike us who had lots of extra praying other catholics didn't seem to have. And while they got threatened with the wooden spoon occasionally, OH can't remember a single occasion where it was actually ever used on any of them. But I think the key difference is that his parents spent a lot of time with each of them together and one-to-one so behaviour was consistently guided and rather than just a telling off, they'd get mediation or advice from their parents when they squabbled or got into trouble from an early age.

I have to say mine are generally very well behaved and I have never laid a finger on them and never would. I'm actually a pretty relaxed parent - I don't believe in punishing them etc.

Ime, the DC who are smacked or punished are the ones who are worst behaved - although, sometimes only when their parents aren't watching them.

I know you meant this “tongue in cheek” but it’s so tired and rude. You wouldn’t say this about anyone else so I don’t see why this gets a pass.

My DD was like this. But my DS was very chilled generally at that age when walking or for example on a train - DS would just look out the window, but it was an effort to get DD to sit still. DS had his moments of course, he is autistic and struggled a lot with transitions so when we would leave someone's house I was carrying him out kicking and screaming.

I want to know if they all sat together, and if they paid to sit together or begged other passengers to move so they could sit together. I thought that this was mandatory information on a thread involving children and planes, just like a diagram is essential in a parking thread.🙂