DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

And don't ask for the radar key - it's for those of us with disabilities.

This I don't have any choice over which bloody toilets to use.

It’s important NOT to normalise this.

If it becomes socially acceptable for a man to enter a womens toilet with a small child, what’s to stop predators from doing the same thing?

You can be a father and a predator. Obviously not your dh OP, but he is one step of many to make it socially acceptable for a man to enter a womens toilet.

Another argument for unisex loos like they often have in France.

This. Exactly.

Family rooms in the ME too. Never fail.to be amazed at how hands on Arabic fathers are when out and about. Using a disabled parking space or toilet here is the equivalent of drink driving or kicking a kitten is in the UK also,it's considered abhorrent and has a large fine.

Do remember that they are not 'disabled' toilets, solely for the use of people with disabilities. They are accessible toilets and are for people who are unable to access/use the standard M/F toilets for any reason. This includes your DH, he is unable to enter the F loos (because it is inappropriate).

I'm an accessible user myself and would have no problem with this at all.

I think as long as he shouts before entering like male cleaners do (well some do, not all!) it's fine.

What about his little girls' comfort? Should grown women trump them?

Why aren't men writing akd emailing? The men on the boards/town planners are likely dads themselves. They should get it no?

Probably get a pasting for suggesting doing up the gents after all its women who tend to have the greater need so they should get the improved facilities. We go to the local theatre and while the ladies is very nice the gents apparently looks like something from the 30's.

No, he should not be in women’s loos. He should plan ahead and scope out where there are single use toilets. They are there, he’s just got to put the effort in.

3 year olds don’t care! Seriously. They don’t.

If he’s that concerned, he could send them in alone and wait outside the door. Plenty of male parents do that

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door

Seems a bit of an over-reaction on his part. Who hasn't accidentally pushed open a door in the womens' toilets with an ineffective lock and ended up apologising profusely? Its hardly something thats unique to mens' toilets and its going to be worse for him if it happens in the womens'! Is he perhaps scared of other men?

DH wouldn't go in the womens' toilets if you paid him!

"If anyone is caused emotional / religious / traumatic offence by seeing a bloke with two little girls trying to go for a wee with"

Good to know that @tentinginmarch and @Palamon have no respect for women from ethnic minorities whose religious laws prohibit them from using single sex toilets or being in an enclosed space as men in a toilet. Telling them they need to get a grip borders on racist quite frankly. They are entitled to their beliefs and views too. Men should not be in such places. End of.

I would rather see a man in the ladies with a very young child than know my DD was going into the mens.

Its an impossible but common problem. He can't take them into the gent's or ladies. Women are possibly doing very personal things at sinks such as washing period flooding strains out of white jeans, whilst standing in their knickers (specific because that has been me), and its unacceptable that a man should walk into this very private safe space no matter what the circumstances. Instead of women having to compromise their dignity to make way for well meaning dads, the males in the gent's should behave better.

I really wouldn't care if a man brought his daughters into the Ladies. But I wouldn't actually care if a man needed to use the Ladies himself because there no cubicles in the Gents, either.

Never ok for a man to use the women’s toilet. Use his big boy voice and tell the filthy man to shut the cubicle door, and start a campaign for proper unisex change facilities.

I have no problem and have experienced men popping into the ladies because they have a small girl/s and are out with no other female. Absolutely no issue you can see they really do not want to be there anyway!

I’ve seen a dad do this before and I don’t blame them! I mean women are behind closed cubicle doors so unless he gets a thrill watching us wash our hands for 20 seconds I’m not sure what they can achieve with a young child in tow.

Unisex individual units would solve this issue.

As someone with a disabled child and a radar key I have seen a queue at the disabled loos. If there was I would zero problem going to the front and saying my sons need was greater.

My dh takes my dd into blokes lois and always has. HE would feel uncomfortable going into a ladies loo. He is strict instructions to wipe everything down.

I would feel uncomfortable only if it was a grotty public loo in say a park. But tbh if I'm that I'm that uncomfortable I'd wait until he out. Because like it or not that is the reality of being safe as a woman, making your judgement calls every single day of your life. Its about making judgement calls in different situations. I'd be less upset about this than I was in M&S with a man behind me waiting to try a bra on for example.

Is there nothing that's not blamed on women🙄

Seriously men can't have clean toilets because women will kick off about someone cleaning or repairing?

I've heard it all now.

He should use the mens when out with them. As he's not a woman or disabled.
And he should campaign, writr to businesses etc about the state of the men's.

3 year olds don’t care! Seriously. They don’t.
If he’s that concerned, he could send them in alone and wait outside the door. Plenty of male parents do that

I have a 3 year old girl who would be upset at the state of grotty mens toilets and who knows if there's a picture of a man or lady on the sign.

She knows she goes to the girls toilets.

If my DP let her wander off into the toilets on her own I'd be fuming. They're like mazes sometimes and she'd get scared because shes three and needs a parent to look after her.

I mean NEVER seen a queue for disabled loos

On MN it's a problem, in real life a bloke that probably doesn't want to go into the loos at all nipping in to help his kids isn't a big deal.