DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

Have you ever been into men's toilets. They absolutely stink. Men's public toilets are regularly used by drug users, and a meeting place for sex. There are men stood at urinals. Would you really want a little child in there? I certainly wouldn't.

It's absolutely not appropriate for your DH to take them into the ladies. He wouldn't take twin boys in, would he? I don't understand why he can't ask for the radar key? He just needs to say to the staff that he has two little girls work him and he's not comfortable taking them into the men's. I'd have thought most places would be ok with this.

Dh would always take the boys into the men's toilets and would have done the same if they were girls. He always had a travel pack of wipes to clean up any men's cubicle. At 6'3" and built to play rugby he would know that being in the women's toilets could potentially scare the shit out of any women in there.

In the same instance, I would always take the boys into the women's toilets because I, the adult, am female. Your Dh should be using the men's toilets until the girls are old enough to use the toilets by themselves. When my sons got big enough they went into the men's together for safety.

I have been in the ladies a few times when a man has called in through the door that he has a young child with him and could they use the loo please? No one has ever protested because we all know, sometimes we all need a hand.

It's not on to use disabled toilets if you don't have a disability. Have some compassion for people with genuine reasons why they can't use regular toilets.

So the alternative is we let men into women's loos and they bring all this into there too?

And what incentive is there fir men to start being cleaner or behaving appropriately if they can offload any issues their behaviour causes to women.

You do realise that men use the state of the mens loos as a get out clause fir parenting. All this "sure come and use the ladies" is just playing right into their hands.

Perhaps if women stopped being doormats and allowing this to constantly happen and forced men to problem solve for themselves, their toilets would suddenly be more of a clean and usable place.

They don't because its a great excuse to get out of taking their kids anywhere.

This is why town planners really need to plan for more family friendly facilities. At present there are so few facilities available which would allow for men looking after their small daughters when out and about.

As things stand currently, I wouldn't want him to take them into the men's toilet, and I would prefer not to find a man in the ladies toilet either. So in many areas that leaves only the accessible toilet and in his situation I would use that, although I do acknowledge that that is going to be controversial and I agree that it is less than ideal.

Why if you're man with twin boys, would you go into the ladies?

And don't ask for the radar key - it's for those of us with disabilities.

As long as it’s not somewhere massive (e.g. a restaurant not a service station), DD went on her own into the ladies from about 4 and DH would wait outside. Before that it was the accessible toilet (ask for the radar key), failing that then the mens armed with antibac wipes. He would never go into the ladies.

Can someone describe what proper toilet planning is for a 3 year old? Does that mean you have researched and got a mental (printed even better) map of all unisex single cubicle toilets in the area you’re visiting and only take the children within a 5 minute circular walk of said facilities?

Even if we all agreed no man can ever be in the ladies, this is simply MN stupidity at its best.

What would he do if he had boys? My 3 year old boy is mysteriously fine when my DH takes him to the men's

He is being a twat, men should not be in the women's toilet

I think your DH should take them to the ladies. We have cubicles, he isn't going to see any naked women!! The mens have urinals, so not appropriate for young girls.

He should use the male toilets and do something about the disgusting state. E mail or ring the owners of the toilets and shame them into cleaning them up. I have to use disabled toilets as it's very difficult for me to stand up, so I don't want all and sundry in there. Also they can be quite smelly and dirty .

I would be mortified if my husband used the womens toilets. Not that he would, because he respects womens boundaries.

He needs to take some anti-bac wipes with him and wait for a cubicle to come free in the blokes.

Quite shocked that he thinks he feels entitled enough to do this.

This absolutely.
Yes it’s crap that there aren’t more family toilets, but he doesn’t stop being a man just because he has children with him.

No your not.

My DH would never use the ladies, it’s not about YOU op it’s about how other women may feel about seeing a man in the ladies toilet.

It’s not appropriate for your husband to be in the ladies toilets and he should use the mens or disabled.

That’s completely irrelevant. Obviously the right place for a male child to be taken by his father is the Men’s loo. This guy has daughters. I’m much happier for a father to be in the Ladies than I would be for little girls to go in the Men’s.

Boys have penises. Little girls do not. Maybe not everyone wants their daughter seeing strange men urinate.

Personally I'd have zero problem with it. As a woman anything personal I need to do is done in a cubicle, and I don't need privacy for washing my hands.

and frankly I don't see how religion comes into it.

however, I agree there needs to be more facilities for situations like this.

...you couldn't pay my OH to go into the ladies, he'd take them into the mens, hold them well above the toilet & use hand sanitiser on all of them once out. He needs to learn to knock on doors, not just fling them open, because not everyone locks the door!

In five years time, would he be happy seeing an unknown man follow his DDs into the ladies toilets?

Men don't belong in women's toilets.

Its things like checking reviews of places you plan to visit. See if the reviews mention anything about the state if the toilets.

Making sure you go to the toilet before you leave and dont let them have lots to drink. It means being prepared to part with a fiver for a coffee and a biscuits so you can use the facilities in a coffee shop rather than the train/bus station.

Its not completely fail safe but unless you are the " pull out a potty in the street or change nappy on the restaurant table" type its surely what you do when you have potty training aged kids. Its a short lived time that toilet trips tend to be frequent and urgent .

This

I don't think he should be using the ladies, although I can appreciate how grotty the men's toilets are. He needs to do some research and find out which places have accessible toilets open for all to use, for when he's out with the twins.