DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

WTF are you talking about!!!

on the rare occasion my husband is taking our children to the toilet, he’s not stalking some child into the womens toilets.

hornstly I was a post this morning which says mumsnet has gone batshit crazy and I’m starting to understand why

Around here our disabled toilets also have baby changing facilities.

@Whatwouldscullydo picnic wee. What do you all do when there is gasps no public loo 😂

It's not ideal. But then neither is two little girls going into a mens toilet and seeing grown men stood at the urinal.

He can't do right for doing wrong in this situation. Personally I wouldn't bat an eyelid at seeing him in the ladies with two young girls. I think his reasoning would be obvious. But equally I can see it why other women might be uncomfortable. There really ought to be more family loos for this very reason.

I find it frankly gobsmacking how many posters are saying just use the accessible toilet.

That would really fuck me off if your DH came into ‘my’ female on.y toilets with his precious girl twins. Would he still come into the female toilets if the twins were boys because, you know, he didn’t like the state of the men’s toilets?

If it is the only baby change facility then that is poor designing on behalf of the planners (no shock we all know they don’t do more than box ticking for disabled access most of the time) but people obviously have no choice if they need to quickly change a nappy.

but using the disabled facilties shouldn’t be the default for everyone and anyone who can’t think of an alternative. They are for those who are disabled and decent facilities are few and far between enough as it is.

Your girls are female and have the right to use the female toilets when they are being cared for by their dad.

I always use the accessible if I'm out with both kids.

My son is 5 but looks way older. I prefer to take him to the accessible rather than the ladies. DH will take our daughter to the accessible as he doesn't like the idea of taking her into the gents.

Exactly.

He isn't a woman so shouldn't be using the ladies and he isn't disabled so shouldn't be using the accessible facilities.

I find it frankly gobsmacking how many posters are saying just use the accessible toilet

Why? They are a mixed sex group with minor children and no suitable toilet facilities. Fair enough if there's a massive queue of people in wheelchairs waiting but what's the actual likelihood of that? 🤷‍♀️

Oh ffs give it a rest. He's prioritising the kids.

I have two dds who would never and have never entertained the idea of peeing outside. I find that pretty gross tbh. Its probably what partly leads to why men think its ok.to piss up against my shop window or against the walls of the pub.

Go for a picnic in the woods where there are facilities instead.

As long as their dad doesn’t enter the room.
The other people are also female and are entitled to use a single sex facility.

This wouldn't bother me at all.

Would he still come into the female toilets if the twins were boys because, you know, he didn’t like the state of the men’s toilets?

No of course he wouldn’t, don’t be ridiculous. This issue appals me. Little girls’ comfort and feelings don’t feature at all. So much for fucking feminism, it only appears to worry about the feelings of females past puberty and is quite happy to throw little girls under the bus.

Its things like checking reviews of places you plan to visit. See if the reviews mention anything about the state if the toilets.

Making sure you go to the toilet before you leave and dont let them have lots to drink. It means being prepared to part with a fiver for a coffee and a biscuits so you can use the facilities in a coffee shop rather than the train/bus station.

Its not completely fail safe but unless you are the " pull out a potty in the street or change nappy on the restaurant table" type its surely what you do when you have potty training aged kids. Its a short lived time that toilet trips tend to be frequent and urgent .

Whilst many days this would work, surely you can see nothing is 100% fail safe? In a MN perfect world when all rules are adhered to and everything you plan goes accordingly to plan this isn’t an issue - but that’s not real life is it. I haven’t seen reviews of the state of the toilets, maybe I didn’t research hard enough. Point I’m making is even if we did all agree men can’t go in ladies, it is simply not possible to do all the things listed and still not have a situation exactly like what OP has described. Do all cafes have unisex single cubicle toilets now?

I think the emotion around trans people in female spaces (quite rightly) is clouding pragmatism for ordinary dads looking after their girls when town planners and restaurants etc. have done a poor job catering for them.

If I saw a man with daughters in a womens toilet, it wouldn’t bother me at all.

A disabled friend of mine always refers to them as accessible and is very clear they are there for people who struggle to access other toilets.

In my mind that also includes parents with young children or parents with a pram. You can't really leave the child outside the toilet while you go.

If I'm just out with my daughter then we use the ladies, but if I'm with my son it's the accessible.

In this case, is it HIS comvenience or is for the convenienec of TWO 3YO GIRLS?

I wouldnt want a 3yo girl in the men's tbh, grotty or not.

I’m not comfortable with a man in the woman’s toilets even if he’s accompanied by little girls.

They will survive using the mens with their father. My daughter did.

It was like that around here recently too, and in some of the towns it still is.

In one though all has been re-planned so that there is a whole row of large cubicles, all big enough to get a buggy or a walking aid into, with even bigger ones on each end of the row for anyone who needs them. There are baby changers in men's or ladies cubicles too, so finally some common sense creeping in?

If it's unlocked, he should use the accessible/disabled toilet. He obviously shouldn't use a radar key unless eligble. He also shouldn't go into the womens if it can be avoided, but in his position I'd shout through first and explain to anyone in there why he needed to use the women's toilets. It's not ideal but it's also not his fault

But surely if they are unsuitable for a little girl they are unsuitable for a little boy? What’s the difference?

until they are old enough to go alone then children go into the toilet with the parent they are with. It’s been that way for years hasn’t it?

So much for fucking feminism, it only appears to worry about the feelings of females past puberty and is quite happy to throw little girls under the bus.

Couldn't agree more. I find some of the views about young girls here alarming.