DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

You go somewhere else with toilets, surely it doesn’t take a genius to work that out?

Like I said, not all men’s toilets but definitely some, and I wouldn’t like my baby lying down to be changed in them. However a baby can wait to be changed somewhere else so using the women’s would not be an excuse there.

What if the toddler can’t wait?

A few of the coffee shops round here don’t have a baby change at all, if I go to one of those I tend to use the squat method so I don’t need to put anything on the floor. I don’t know why they don’t fit them, once folded they don’t take up much room at all, especially as the coffee shops that don’t have them have a single toilet (so accessible) the actual room is an okay size, rather than being standard cubicle size.

They would have an accident, just like they would if the cubicles in the womens weren’t available when out with their mum. Most parents don’t wait until their child is on the verg of an accident before they go to the toilet.

Dads need to be doing their research of toilets in the areas they're going - find out in advance if there's baby changing in the men's and find out where appropriate male toilets are and which are usually in a better state than others. Other dads seem to be managing just fine so not sure why others can't.

I've re-read the OP and it seems to suggest that the dad uses the female toilets even when OP is present.

@Thereisnolight

"What if the toddler can't wait?"

My DH (and I) carried this around. We always had a loo on us and DH was able to use this, so he never needed to take either of our daughters into the ladies loos.

https://www.johnlewis.com/potette-plus-convertible-travel-potty-white-blue/p230587521?sku=230587521&sppc=2dx92700070985443024&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1zrH1qfEe5SxPPzy6QLFHccj&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1zrH1qfEe5SxPPzy6QLFHcj&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvN3sgMGc-QIVhO3tCh2LYAigEAQYAiABEgL-wfDDBwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

The next toilet might be quite a distance away.

Very constructive response and renders this whole thread obsolete 🙂🙂

Yes, your point being?

The toilet could be a distance away even if the child is male - is it then ok for a man to take a male child into the ladies?

That a three year old would in all probability have wet herself by the time he found it.

I think my point is quite obvious and reasonable.

I don’t understand your sneery, non-constructive arguments and I question your reason for being on this thread.

For a pee at least it’s easy to sort out a male child just about anywhere.

And same for a female child with the potette a PP linked to above

Anyway @seramum has answered the question for everyone imo.

Not an obvious point, unless you think I don’t understand the need to walk from one building to another.

Not sneery, just bemused by your confusion to fairly simple queries that most adults wouldn’t find tricky. The reason anyone else is, not particularly difficult thing to realise surely?

Yes, exactly.

We have twin girls and my husband would never have dreamed about entering a female only space. Our daughters went to the mens toilets with their father they are soon to be 10 and still alive and healthy for doing so.

You don’t want your DH taking your DD into the mens toilets because of the unlikely event she sees a penis. (I doubt she will be flashed while her Dad is there)

But every time she sees her Dad enter a womens space without their consent you are teaching her that womens boundaries don’t matter, and that it is ok for men to make them feel unsafe because that man’s desires in that moment are more important.

If your DH is so good at shouting into the womens toilets that he is entering to warn them (without their consent) why can’t he shout into the mens that he is bringing in DD?

How will you feel in 12 years when your DD is feeling self conscious because she has started her period and wants to change her pad/tampon/clean her menstrual cup but she feels really vulnerable because there is an uninvited adult man less that a metre away, you are defending it now but that will be your child in years to come.

This is ridiculous. My children are past this stage now but dh has never been I. The ladies toilets with them and I’ve never been in the gents.

Because we live in rural Northern Scotland you simply can't get to most of the small cafes where this is a issue without a car or some serious bike miles (it's very hilly)

@Clymene incorrect he does what is best at the time with what is available for a baby!
he also changes the baby on his fair share of surfaces including boot of the car, the bassinet when he still used one and on the beach. But if its chucking it down with rain or snow and the baby has had a poo explosion he needs to change them.
These are small places a few old pubs in our area still don'have womens toilets!

I seriously wonder what some on MN do with unisex toilets (the few around here aren't completely separate) or in rural areas where there is only 1 toilet in places! I mean do you piss yourself on the principle of having to share the space?????

I live fairly rurally too. If there’s only one toilet it’s usually in a separate room like the disabled loo in busier places. It’s not stalls with communal basins.

Do you not understand the difference between unisex toilets and single sex ones @Scottishskifun?

Ok, but that isn't the case everywhere? It is very common for teens & tweens to be out unaccompanied by adults in less rural areas. The OP gives no indication of the kind of area she lives in and in fact the implication seems to be that it's happening in a number of different female toilets.