DH using toilet for DT’s when out

[Silverbirch123]

I have NC for this but I’m a regular poster

We have 3 year old twin girls. If we’re out (or he takes them out on his own) for the day and my DH has to take one (or both) of our girls to the toilet he’s started using the ladies (not always just sometimes)

The reason he says for this is that the mens toilets are usually really grotty. He went somewhere a couple of weeks ago where there was only 1 cubicle, and several men using the urinals. He pushed the door open and there was a guy sitting on the toilet who hadn’t locked the door 🤮

He immediately came out and used the ladies. No one has ever said anything to him but I’ve suggested that in those circumstances he uses the disabled, but that’s not always possible if you need a special key to open them.

i darent post this in AIBU but given the circumstances above would you DH’s do the same? I’m keen for my DH not to cause offence by using the ladies but I’m also keen for my DD’s not being subjected to filthy toilets and grown men not shutting the doors when they’re having a poo 💩

If there is a male attendant on duty there will be a sign at the entrance and he will usually have a uniform & cleaning materials in hand. Women can then make the decision upon seeing the sign whether they are still comfortable using them in the circumstances. I admit I don't particularly like this either and the only place I have seen this is motorway service stations.

I would never take my daughter into ladies toilets under any circumstances, why would he even think of that?

But she wouldn’t have an adult going to the toilet with her!

I am tired of reading that a penis is a 'shocking' sight for a toddler girl.

Why is a stranger's penis worse than one her dad or brother has?

A penis is a penis. It's bit of dangly flesh.

This description should be given to the police so when someone next complains of flashing they can be put right and told to get over it. We should also apply it to boys in womens changing rooms as boobs are just dangly bits of flesh and just like your mums right?

Also bemused by the “well I saw X in France and it didn’t bother me”. And? It wouldn’t bother me if in this situation a man came in the loos BUT do understand everyone is not me.

Elsiebear90 · Today 19:22
I don’t understand the argument of “I can’t take my daughter into the mens because she might see men using a urinal”, no one seems to care about young boys being in women’s changing rooms and seeing women completely naked

i’ve probably seen 50 threads on MN complaining of boys being in women’s changing rooms.

I've changed my baby in plenty of places not in a toilet @Scottishskifun

Your husband doesn't have to use the women's toilets at all. He's doing it because he doesn't give a shit about women and girls.

So men shouldn't use the ladies toilets for their kids Android they shouldn't use the disabled toilet (even though these often have baby changing facilities). I suppose people wouldn't be too happy for the kids to find a bush or something either. Maybe men should just stop taking young children out on their own and let the mums do everything. Oh wait...

When DD was little dh did take her into the men's and he always said it was disgusting and filthy. I'm sure she's seen her fair share of penises (but was probably too young to remember). When he had to change her he'd do it in the boot of the car or on the grass if he'd walked. There need to be more family friendly facilities but also maybe a little bit more of tolerance and understanding.

Also, maybe this had changed now but many men's toilets don't even have a baby changing table.

If the seat is wet you just wipe it with toilet paper, I’m guessing in the womens toilet if the seat is sometimes wet people do the same.

Yeah, I’m not going to do that as I’m perfectly happy with the arrangement tbh!

I’m guessing you haven’t seen a really filthy men’s loo. I cleaned public loos when I was a student and I can tell you there is a big difference.

No, I don’t think I have, well, not in the UK, and I’ve used plenty. Seen some with a bit of a wet seat, nothing that a bit of toilet roll couldn’t fix.

Yes, I agree.
If the men’s isn’t too bad then it’s reasonable to take a child in. But if it is really bad, then it really isn’t appropriate. I don’t know what the answer is if they can’t go to the women’s, the disabled, or outdoors.

Then you haven’t seen every men’s loo, including possibly the ones where some fathers don’t want to take their young children.

Where are the men campaigning for changing tables in the men's toilets? I've googled and I can't find a single campaign.

Men are the town planners, the architects, the designers. They dominate all these professions. And yet, they don't design them so they can change kids. And they don't lobby other men to provide those facilities either.

WHY NOT?

This is not women's or disabled people's problem to solve.

I’m aware I haven’t seen every mens toilet, I’m fairly certain no one holds that particular title. Yes some mens toilets will be dirty, some womens ones will be and some accessible ones will, that doesn’t mean us Dads are incapable of using the toilet, just as Mums aren’t if the womens are dirty.

It’s not every men’s loo but it’s definitely some.

However, it would be reasonable to explore other toilets nearby - or outdoors - before defaulting to the women’s. And if the child is desperate to go then yes the disabled loo is absolutely appropriate. Just not for everyday use, and probably no need at all if it’s the mother who is with the child.

Virtually all have one around here, apart from the obvious places like clubs.

No one said the dads couldn’t use the men’s toilet. Just a small girl who needs to sit on it and will probably touch things.

Small boys also sit on them and touch things, you just wipe the seat with toilet roll if its wet, then when they’re done they wash their hands.

What about when there’s shit smeared on the seat, floor and walls?

I doubt the OP’s DH refused to take the child in just because the seat was a bit wet. Don’t pretend to “support” women and then be completely disingenuous.

You go into another cubicle, just like a woman would in the womens.

Also, maybe this had changed now but many men's toilets don't even have a baby changing table.

Many do and if you’re in a place where people with babies can more often than not be found, they are based in the disabled toilet or even a specific baby changing room.
Depends where you are of course - obviously if you’re not in a place where people often frequent with babies then you might not find convenient facilities. Again, not sure where OPs DH has been taking his 3 year old twins that he so often comes across grotty men’s toilets á la rowdy football club or night club at 1 am, that wandering into the ladies has become his go to thing… it’s really not a situation my DH has found himself in, never mind several times.
Sometimes you go into little café’s or pubs based in older buildings and there are no baby change facilities at all, in the men’s or women’s. They’re not a legal requirement. That’s what foldable changing mats are for. You find another surface or set yourself up on the floor. Bog standard thing a woman would just get on with.

What if there’s just the one cubicle?