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Original poster

My 3 year old got rejected today

190 replies

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:23

I know it's just the start of things but it literally broke my heart to see him so upset.
He plays with next doors children and always asks first if he can go over, they always say yes and he has the best time with them but today when he shouted over they said no. His little face was so heartbroken. He kept saying 'they said no mummy, they said no'

I've explained that sometimes they are busy and can't always play when he wants to (they are older boys) but I'd like to explain it in the best way possible. God rejection isn't nice but I know he's going to face it much worse as he gets older.

How would you explain jt?

OP posts:
BLT2022 · 26/07/2022 22:02

You've never responded about how old the other children are or if you ever have them round to yours? In my experience young children at that age are quite robust and bounce back quickly and it's the adult that overthinks things.

Toosadtocomprehend · 26/07/2022 22:05

HNRTFT but Genuinely don’t understand why you are so upset!
My granddaughter was stopped from going on a trampoline today by her friends…I didn’t give it a second thought!

StClare101 · 26/07/2022 22:06

Rejected…

What a load of rubbish.

The NDN kids are not at a three year olds beck and call! I would most definitely not want a three year old coming to play often. It’s effectively making the NDN parents your babysitter and is basically CF behaviour.

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3 year olds Behaviour & development Families
llizzie · 27/07/2022 01:35

It doesn't help when you see ads showing children bullying on the bus. I have seen that ad many times, but am so angry at the way it is, that I still do not know what they are advertising.

Inwiththenew · 27/07/2022 07:30

If the next door kids are a little older have a heart because 3 year olds adorable as they are can be difficult to deal with.
Also having an only child is tough and tugs at your heart strings constantly.

LoisLane66 · 27/07/2022 08:17

I totally understand. When our children, of whatever age, get rejected for various things, it's our pain too and you want so much to shield them from everything hurtful.
It's hard for a small child to absorb that the family ND are still friends but busy with other things.
I'm sure he'll understand as time goes on.
That the reason why you ask if it's ok to play every time. Sometimes it's yes but there will be the occasional 'not now'.
You're not being overly concerned. Whatever is right for you is the way to go. 💐

capostrophe · 27/07/2022 10:05

As the parent of a disabled child I experience this on a daily basis. It’s the main thing about his disabilities that destroys me, and him obviously. The face of your child falling apart is one of the worst things in the world to see and I feel it to the core every time it happens. It’s horrible, all we can do is try to ensure our children feel loved and make people aware if appropriate

impossible · 27/07/2022 10:19

You're making too much of this. It wasn't rejection - your neighbours had other plans. If you conflate this with rejection you are setting ds up to feel rejected.

Perhaps teach him to anticipate other peoples' needs. He won't always be welcome. It sounds as though the older boys next door have been very accommodating but not many children will have unlimited patience for a toddler. I imagine as they get older the'll be less and less inclined to indulge him.

I think the best thing you can do for ds is to not let him be too pushy and assume his needs will always match other peoples'.

JacquiG2 · 27/07/2022 13:28

Well they did seem to explain, saying 'no mummy' and that is reasonable. There were no strangers in the house when I was out, either so don't take it to heart. Sounds like they were being good obedient children.

SVRT19674 · 27/07/2022 14:19

I totally get you, OP. Mine is three and she turned round last week looked straight up at me and said that Elisa doesn´t want to be my friend, she looked so earnest and upset. It was the first time she had ever said something like this and it cut to my heart, it really threw me back to when I was a kid myself. All we can say is that she is busy today and she should talk to her the next day. They are toddlers, and although their feelings are big, they are also fickle. She was playing with some older kids some weeks ago and came back to me and said "Mummy, they don´t hear me and they don´t see me". It wasn´t what she said it was how she said it. Reassure being sad is ok and that there will be more opportunities another day or point out another kid she might play with.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/07/2022 18:31

It's sad the first time and you distract them with a bright 'shall we bake some cakes, then?' or other nice activity - but it does save you from what happened with one of my neighbours - her youngest would knock on every door from about 6.45am and would be asking adults if he could come in and play with them even if their children weren't there/awake yet.

Part of me found it vaguely sweet and amusing that he'd turn up in his Spiderman or Power Rangers costume and ask if I wanted to watch Cartoon Network or borrow one of his Nerf guns, but the 34 year old with a stonking hangover and a bloke in the bedroom part of me thought his learned expectation of always being able to invite himself round others was putting him at risk.

I'm not saying that your DS will be at risk, but it's the expectation that people will always be able or want to play with him that's a potential problem.

librarian55 · 28/07/2022 13:26

I would feel the same. When my DD was young, she used to play with the boy next door. One day, his big brother had friends over so the boy refused to play with my daughter. She stood at the fence crying for him, it broke my heart. She's nearly 30 now and doesn't even remember it!

Johnnysgirl · 28/07/2022 18:21

librarian55 · 28/07/2022 13:26

I would feel the same. When my DD was young, she used to play with the boy next door. One day, his big brother had friends over so the boy refused to play with my daughter. She stood at the fence crying for him, it broke my heart. She's nearly 30 now and doesn't even remember it!

Why did you let her stand at the fence crying? Hmm. Did you even try to distract her, or were you hoping the mum would relent at her tears and invite her over anyway?
Odd behaviour.

librarian55 · 28/07/2022 20:49

Of course I did! But she kept going back, I wasn't going to lock her in the house..

Mummyofmaniacs · 06/08/2022 14:55

if he sees you upset, he will think it is a 'BAD THING' to be rejected. He will face rejection in some form or another on a daily basis for the rest of his life so don't let him grow up thinking that it is personal. Be jolly (lovely word) and smile as you point out all the other things he can do instead that are equally as much fun

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