My 3 year old got rejected today

[helpim]

I know it's just the start of things but it literally broke my heart to see him so upset.
He plays with next doors children and always asks first if he can go over, they always say yes and he has the best time with them but today when he shouted over they said no. His little face was so heartbroken. He kept saying 'they said no mummy, they said no'

I've explained that sometimes they are busy and can't always play when he wants to (they are older boys) but I'd like to explain it in the best way possible. God rejection isn't nice but I know he's going to face it much worse as he gets older.

How would you explain jt?

[DuarPorte]

And this isn’t rejection. it’s just normal daily life. Be really careful here about how you are interpreting this non-event as your child will absolutely learn from you (you will say you mask your hurt but there shouldn’t be hurt at normal regular interactions of this kind) - our children are like sponges and absorb whatever emotional role modelling we unconsciously do very easily.

[5zeds]

I think it’s unusual for a three year old to ask themselves over to play and for you to let him go and play without you being there.

[DuarPorte]

@helpim

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

Okay just saw this. This is NOT a normal reaction from you.

[rainrelief]

Is he an only child? Is this actually about your anxieties about that?

Its just you seem to be taking this extremely personally on his behalf and I am wondering what the reason for that is?

[JoanThursday]

Eek. This could be my ds ... but on the other side of things. He has the little kids coming to knock for him all the time - sometimes several times a day. Sometimes he'll go out to kick a ball around, or they'll get the water pistols out or whatever. He's very good with them ... but he's 13! Sometimes he just wants to chill, or go online with his mates on xbox.

Try not to make it into a drama though - this is life. Far better that they're able to come home and find something else to do without a backward glance.

[Heresince2006]

To judge by the countless posts on here involving friendship/relationship dramas, some people are never taught at a very young age that they need to learn to shrug and move on. You are teaching your son a very valuable lesson, OP.

[Nintendoswitchedoff]

I'm also thinking you've totally over reactating. He's not rejected. It's not like they never play with him or said mean things about him.

Your child needs to learn that everyone else's lives do not revolve around him.

My eldest enjoys a lot of time by himself and it boils my piss that so many people don't understand this concept of a child wanting to play by themselves for a while.

[Blanketpolicy]

@helpim

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

If you are being honest here and not over egging it just for the thread you need to deal with your own emotions around this as he will pick up on them.

Think of these little (and they are little) bumps as excellent resilience building opportunities. For him and you! Completely normal for older children not to want to play with a 3 yo, it is nothing personal.

[SettingsO]

It’s not really rejection though is it?

[Doingmybest12]

You have set this up by allowing him to shout over and ask if he can play often. There is bound to be a point where they say no. Good lesson for your child and you. He hasn't been rejected, he has been told they are busy which is perfectly fine for him to learn about.

[DangerouslyBored]

@helpim

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

Aww you poor thing! I’m pregnant with a little boy and I worry about this sort of thing, I know I’ll get so upset for him if anyone is mean to him, even unwittingly like your neighbours’ children.

I think we maybe need to teach our children about rejection before it happens as it is part of life and something we seem to fear so much. No idea how to do that though 🤷🏻‍♀️

[BMW6]

Good grief 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[Johnnysgirl]

@helpim

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

What do you think is to come?! . A group of older children not always wanting next door's toddler around is not rejection. It's actually quite good of them to include him at all. Lots of children wouldn't.
Are you projecting some childhood hurt of your own onto this situation?

[PeekAtYou]

This is a good learning experience. Yoi don't want him to end up as a people pleaser who has a stressful life because he can't say no when he can't/ doesn't want to do something.

[notanothertakeaway]

Oh man, the language from some posters, describing this as rejection / heartbreaking / awful ?!!

Sounds like the older neighbours have been kind to play with a younger child, but don't want to do that all the time. And that's absolutely fine

Bright and breezy is the way to go. "Oh that's a pity, well what shall we do instead?"

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

I know it’s upsetting, but your reaction will influence how he feels about it. A breezy, Never mind, they’re busy today, let’s do X, is IMO the way to go. It’s hard for little ones, but sooner or later they have to understand that they can’t do or have just what they want every time.

[strawberriesarenot]

Saying 'No' is a life skill, and accepting it is another.

Put him in a situation where it's reasonable for him to say, 'No.' ("Can I give this toy to charity?" etc.)

Also, our adorable next door neighbours' dd came and played at ours every day for far too long, with invitations back just not happening. And while she was never much trouble, I used to get fed up when they took off shopping, or whatever, child free. A bit of give and take goes a long way.

[mrskatebob]

@rattlemehearties

You're taking this far too personally. Bright and breezy, "they can't fit you in today, maybe another time, now what shall we do?" and find something else for your 3yo to do.

This. It's not necessarily a "rejection". Not everyone wants to socialise all the time. Maybe they're playing a 2 person game/want some quiet time/have other plans.

All children should be able to say when they don't want to play.

[WilsonMilson]

Don’t teach him to become a drama Queen. Tell him it’s no worries and move on. Sympathising and making it up to him only teaches him to make big deals out of nothing.

There will be far worse ahead. Best to teach them to be resilient!

[Roselilly36]

Aww no one likes to see their child disappointed, but it’s part of life sadly. My DS2 used to get so upset at primary when party invites were handed out, he was never invited to a party, DS1 used to get invited to parties and hide the invites as he didn’t want to go, life isn’t fair.

[Summerslam]

It sounds as if you're projecting your own emotions onto your child. If you show him how disappointed and upset you are, then he WILL feel rejected. As it is, at his age, you can easily distract him by offering him something else that is fun to do.

[Butterybiscuitbase12]

If I imagine this scenario happening to my DS (2) then I can totally feel your pain! It’s never nice to feel rejected and your right when you say you feel his pain tenfold! I am in no way ready for this to start happening to mine! Hopefully my plan will be to put a brave face on for the little one and not make it a big deal, then cry dramatically to DH and plot imaginary revenge on the offenders!! Haha!

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

You're being ridiculous.

Also, you really shouldn't be letting your 3 year old essentially be babysat by next door's children so much.

[Johnnysgirl]

@Butterybiscuitbase12

If I imagine this scenario happening to my DS (2) then I can totally feel your pain! It’s never nice to feel rejected and your right when you say you feel his pain tenfold! I am in no way ready for this to start happening to mine! Hopefully my plan will be to put a brave face on for the little one and not make it a big deal, then cry dramatically to DH and plot imaginary revenge on the offenders!! Haha!

Oh, get a grip.

[goldfinchonthelawn]

@helpim

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

Can I offer soem advice? Just say, casually, 'Yeah, sometimes people don't always want to do what we want. It's a bit sad, but not very sad. We can do X instead.'

I was that awful mother who thought her children were tiny gods and that the world should never cause them pain. It was a big mistake which I now regret. Luckily the world has been bloody awful to DC since they left home so they had to grow up sharpish but I so regret constantly overreacting on their behalf. Just shrug it off. Teaach him that disappointment is normal and no big deal and the best way to handle it is to do something else instead. Not to minimise his feelings, but not to dwell on them.