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Original poster

My 3 year old got rejected today

190 replies

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:23

I know it's just the start of things but it literally broke my heart to see him so upset.
He plays with next doors children and always asks first if he can go over, they always say yes and he has the best time with them but today when he shouted over they said no. His little face was so heartbroken. He kept saying 'they said no mummy, they said no'

I've explained that sometimes they are busy and can't always play when he wants to (they are older boys) but I'd like to explain it in the best way possible. God rejection isn't nice but I know he's going to face it much worse as he gets older.

How would you explain jt?

OP posts:
Butterybiscuitbase12 · 25/07/2022 18:20

Crikey @Johnnysgirl just a bit of lighthearted fun and camaraderie for the OP. Who shit in your cereal this morning?

MissMaple82 · 25/07/2022 18:20

Wait until they are 6, then you really will feel the pain

PatientlyWaiting21 · 25/07/2022 18:21

Christ what vultures on mumsnet just waiting to jump, get a life!!

you responded great, but I get it, I’m not looking forward to seeing the sad, hurt faces either!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families
elkiedee · 25/07/2022 18:24

You don't say how old they are but it may be that their parent(s) are worried about having to keep an eye out for a 3 year old, if your DS was going round to their garden, or that they're getting ready to go out to some holiday activity or something. I can think of lots of reasons which really aren't that the kids or family next door really doesn't like your son.

Vanishdisappear · 25/07/2022 18:25

I dont know what I expected when opening this thread but this wasn't it.

I think you need to stop letting him ask to go round someone's house.
Mine are 8 & 11 and they have known since they could understand that we don't ask to go to someone's house, we wait to be invited. Now they're old enough they understand that it puts people on the spot and they could feel pressured to say yes.
It's lovely that your neighbours play with him but they aren't always going to be available when he wants.
This is the first of many times that someone won't want to play with him or do what he wants so I wouldn't make a fuss of it at all, just say they're busy and suggest another activity.

Out of curiosity do you send him over there whenever they say yes? I'm picturing you enjoying a peaceful coffee while your 3 year old is being entertained next door 😆

SamPoodle123 · 25/07/2022 18:26

I would try not to get so upset over it. He can also feel your feelings and perhaps this makes him feel worse. If you perhaps try to play it off more like, in a happy voice "That is okay! They are probably busy. Lets go do (something fun your dc loves to do. For my 2 year old it would be bubble machine, water play, painting etc).

SouthOfFrance · 25/07/2022 18:28

I'm not sure letting a 3 year old yell over the fence to ask to play is polite in the first place.
It sounds very draining for your neighbours, and also like you say, then leads to your own child feeling rejected.

cantcomplainabouttheweather · 25/07/2022 18:29

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:26

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

Over reaction much 😳

Goldbar · 25/07/2022 18:32

Out of curiosity do you send him over there whenever they say yes? I'm picturing you enjoying a peaceful coffee while your 3 year old is being entertained next door 😆

I know...I'm actually really curious about this. OP, do you just send your 3yo over there and then go inside/potter about, or do you watch him through the gaps in the fence to check he's being taken care of? Do you check with the parents that they're ok to take responsibility for him? What if the mum/dad are out or sleeping? Do the kids stay in the garden or does he disappear inside the house? How is he returned to you? Do they just lift him back over the fence into your garden when they're fed up with him or do they at least call over so that you're aware he's being returned to you?

Bunnycat101 · 25/07/2022 18:36

Your being ridiculous. My children play with our neighbours but sometimes we say no either because we just want some family time, they’re a bit tired and can’t be arsed etc. sometimes the kids say no as well. Both are absolutely fine. if there is an age imbalance they are doing you a massive favour having a 3yo over. If you haven’t returned the favour the parents may well have started to get pissed off at having a smaller child to look after.

diddl · 25/07/2022 18:39

I'm also wondering who actually looks after him?

Perhaps you should have already told him no-to the constant asking.

Bunnycat101 · 25/07/2022 18:40

And there is a massive difference between a 6yo and a 3yo. A pair of 6yos will likely just entertain themselves and just crack on with minimal effort from the parents. A 3yo still needs supervision, generally doesn’t play in the same social way, may still not be 100% reliable re toileting. It is a massive imposition for you to be sending a 3yo round all the time.

GADDay · 25/07/2022 18:43

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:26

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

They don't mention this in the books OP - the fact that you will feel your child's pain tenfold.

It's a peculiarly ignored, persistently tough part of being a parent
Flowers

Goldbar · 25/07/2022 18:49

If you haven’t returned the favour the parents may well have started to get pissed off at having a smaller child to look after.

I'm pretty amazed that they've been willing to put up with this up till now. In our house, either 3yos come accompanied by a parent or we're very definitely 'babysitting', with the understanding that we'll provide adequate supervision and deal with any personal care issues like toileting. But they don't just wander in from the garden whenever. There might not be an adult available to supervise - for example, if I'm sleeping and DH is in the shower.

I didn't know this was a childcare option 😂. Might try it with my 4yo and our neighbours' two older girls.

AmyDudley · 25/07/2022 18:50

Is there some particular reason you think your child is destined for a life of rejection ? You do seem to be building this into something it isn't.

To be honest you could have pre empted the 'rejection' by telling him before now that sometimes older children want to play older children's games and he won't always be able to go there and play. Then he would have been prepared for it and accepted it.

Are there any children his own age you could ask over to play - from nursery/playgroup. Are there any holiday clubs you could go to with him so he could play with other kids there? It really isn't fair to expect a couple of older boys to entertain him, they've been very kind up until now, but maybe they got a bit fed up of having a little one around all the time and their Mum got tired of supervising.

DuarPorte · 25/07/2022 18:52

Hmm….. perhaps this thread is a wind em up and watch em go?

Original poster
helpim · 25/07/2022 18:53

Thanks for some of the helpful comments.

Good old Mumsnet for the pointless ones 😆

For the record, no I don't relax with a coffee, I'm either at the back door or on the garden listening and watching out for him.
If he wants to go play or if the kids ask him to go over I've always made sure that they all check both with me and with their mum that's it's ok. Hope this clarifies matters 🧐

OP posts:
BiscoffSundae · 25/07/2022 18:54

helpim · 25/07/2022 18:53

Thanks for some of the helpful comments.

Good old Mumsnet for the pointless ones 😆

For the record, no I don't relax with a coffee, I'm either at the back door or on the garden listening and watching out for him.
If he wants to go play or if the kids ask him to go over I've always made sure that they all check both with me and with their mum that's it's ok. Hope this clarifies matters 🧐

Do you ever have them over? I think that’s important

UWhatNow · 25/07/2022 18:56

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Sirzy · 25/07/2022 18:56

How old are the other children?

TitaniasAss · 25/07/2022 18:57

I thought you were going to say something horrendous. He hasn't been 'rejected', that's a massive overreaction. He's been told 'no' to going to play today, that's all. You've explained it fine - sometimes people are busy, that's perfectly normal.

viques · 25/07/2022 18:57

A three year old is going to learn that there are lots of times when “no “ is the answer. you can’t cross over the road, you can’t have a kitten, you can’t have ice cream, you can’t go on the big slide, you can’t play with your bike on the road, you can’t play with the kids next door today. Helping your child to understand that they can’t always do what they want and dealing with it emotionally is a very important part of growing up and dealing with the world. Teaching your child to recognise that they have the resilience to cope with not getting their own way and sometimes feeling left out is helping them to grow into self sufficient and emotionally confident people.

StationaryMagpie · 25/07/2022 18:57

good grief... in the nicest possible way, you need to get a grip.

Its really not 'rejection' and there is nothing to do other than just smile, go 'oh well, they're obviously busy' and find him something else to do.

They're not obliged to spend their summer holidays playing with your 3yo if they don't want to... and your 3yo is plenty old enough to learn he isn't the centre of the world and not every one wants to play just because he asks.

TitaniasAss · 25/07/2022 18:57

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I couldn't agree more.

BiscoffSundae · 25/07/2022 19:01

Imagine how the op will be devastated when her child goes to school and isn’t invited to another child’s party 🙄 time to get use to being told no.