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Original poster

My 3 year old got rejected today

190 replies

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:23

I know it's just the start of things but it literally broke my heart to see him so upset.
He plays with next doors children and always asks first if he can go over, they always say yes and he has the best time with them but today when he shouted over they said no. His little face was so heartbroken. He kept saying 'they said no mummy, they said no'

I've explained that sometimes they are busy and can't always play when he wants to (they are older boys) but I'd like to explain it in the best way possible. God rejection isn't nice but I know he's going to face it much worse as he gets older.

How would you explain jt?

OP posts:
SpringSparrow · 25/07/2022 16:52

Your three year old just asks the kids next door if he can go and play? And then your next door neighbour is supervising your child? Do you think your neighbour might not want to have extra uninvited children round? I wouldn’t have wanted an extra three year old around as three year olds need a lot of supervision. Why not invite the children nest door round to yours and you looks after them? Or wait until your neighbour invited your child over?

ShirleyPhallus · 25/07/2022 16:54

rattlemehearties · 25/07/2022 16:32

You're taking this far too personally. Bright and breezy, "they can't fit you in today, maybe another time, now what shall we do?" and find something else for your 3yo to do.

This indeed. It’s a good thing to experience.

Our NDN are lovely but very enthusiastic to play and honestly I wish they’d stop asking quite so much!

Goingforarun · 25/07/2022 16:55

he hasn’t been rejected. He was told no. Hasn’t he heard that word before?

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FreezyFreezy · 25/07/2022 16:55

Seriously? In all kindness, you need to get a grip. He asked, they said no. That's it. A quick, "Maybe next time," is all that's needed.

SmileyClare · 25/07/2022 16:57

shiningstar2 · 25/07/2022 16:51

Do you invite them over to yours op or is it a one-way street with your DC always playing with them on their garden? Maybe their mother has said no as, if her children are older she doesn't want the responsibility of a 3 year old every time they play? Maybe sometimes invite them to play in your gardens 😀

This! It sounds like he's over there a lot..I'm sure he's adorable but it's probably wearing a bjt thin!

easyday · 25/07/2022 16:57

Oh the heartache!
I remember being at IKEA and they had a little playground out front with a couple kids running around (about 7 or 8). My son, about six, just joined in like he normally would and they stopped and one said 'who said you could play with us' and he was so shocked! It brought back all those awful memories of not having someone to play with at school on occasion.
Sad but true - he will face a lot more rejection. It's just for them it's so unexpected and they just can't really process how what they want is not what other people want. Life lessons are tough.

Dutchesss · 25/07/2022 16:58

It's not rejection, it's simply a 'not today'. I love my friends but wouldn't want anyone over all the time.

Maybe the parents have said no as with a 3 year old it's more babysitting than play date age. Do you ever offer for them to come round to yours?

Staynow · 25/07/2022 17:00

What you said was perfect. Just do something fun with him yourself instead.

venusandmars · 25/07/2022 17:12

I'm not sure 'rejection' is something a 3 year old recognises. He's been told 'no' but at 3 it doesn't realte to his self worth or value. Does your 'heart break' every time you have to say no to your dc? Probably not, even though their face may crumple.

CallOnMe · 25/07/2022 17:13

Honestly he’ll be fine he will understand that people are busy sometimes.

How old are they?
How often do they come to yours?

I assume you go with him seeing as he’s so young and you can’t expect them to have you both over all of the time.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/07/2022 17:14

Stop making such a big deal out of it.

As someone else said, just say they're busy and distract him with something else instead.

Maybe their parents are sick of him being there all the time if he goes over every day? Do you ever have them over to play at yours?

JudgeRindersMinder · 25/07/2022 17:17

I think by framing it as rejection you’re making it way bigger in your own head than it is.
He asked, they said no, possibly having been told by their mum to say no because it wasn’t convenient for whatever reason.

Having said the above, how you explained it was perfectly fine, but you need to not see this as rejection or you have a whole lot of heartache ahead

KindleBlanketsandmugoftea · 25/07/2022 17:18

I wouldn't think 3 is old enough to be going out to play or to call for older kids without an adult present.....or does the other kids mum watch them?

Summerfun54321 · 25/07/2022 17:19

There’s absolutely no way I’d let a 3 year old play in my garden without constant supervision. So I’m assuming you also go OP or the responsibility is with your neighbours? Either way that’s a lot to ask.

Raul57 · 25/07/2022 17:22

Sounds awful but the sooner a child experiences this the better otherwise it becomes more difficult.

One of our children has one child and our grandchild who will be 6 soon has his own way as parents sort of spoil him but we are the worst as is one of his aunts and we all live on the same road. So he has his way most of the time and takes rejection awfully.

Like the OP we do try and explain that he can't have his own way with others all of the time but I think he gets confused as he has us but not his dad wrapped around his little finger.

whowhatwerewhy · 25/07/2022 17:25

I think you explained it very well. They were too busy to play with him today.
As others have said if you don't already have the children round to your house too .

Itsbritneybitch22 · 25/07/2022 17:26

He wasn’t rejected was he, I imagine the parents are sick of watching your 3 year old and if they’re older they probably don’t want to hang with a baby all the time.

Not getting his own way isn’t being rejected.
Don’t want to sound harsh but come on, don’t make it a huge deal, it’s not that deep.

UnimpeachableBravery · 25/07/2022 17:27

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:26

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

Its your job to teach him how to regulate his emotions, not turn them into some overblown drama.

Completelyovernonsense · 25/07/2022 17:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

Goldbar · 25/07/2022 17:29

You're overthinking this. Distract and move on. The great thing about this age is that they forget things in 2 seconds.

You'll also save a lot of hassle later if you get your DS used to the idea that 'big' boys and girls might not want to play with him. At that age, my DC would have hassled older kids endlessly if I'd let them, whereas now DC kind of gets that it's usually best to find someone around the same age to play with.

Do you really let your DC play next door without supervision?! Who would be to blame in event of an accident? The mum? The kids? Who is taking responsibility for him?

bubblescoop · 25/07/2022 17:30

It sounds like he asks them a lot, and you shouldn’t allow that.

It’s not okay “as long as he asks first”. Asking puts the onus on them to say yes or feel bad, and it sounds like they’ve finally had enough and had to say no.

It isn’t rejection, but you shouldn’t have let it get to this stage in the first place.

butterflied · 25/07/2022 17:30

Goingforarun · 25/07/2022 16:55

he hasn’t been rejected. He was told no. Hasn’t he heard that word before?

This tbh.

You're taking this way too personally. Presumably your neighbours have to supervise when he's over there. They didn't want to/had other plans.

DuarPorte · 25/07/2022 17:31

A bit surprised at your reaction - we shouldn’t raising children who have little or no resilience and who over interpret things where no offence is meant.

a great chance for you to model emotional resilience and say a breezy ah well they are busy - let’s go and do (x) exciting thing now - and move on swiftly.

alnawire · 25/07/2022 17:32

helpim · 25/07/2022 16:26

Makes me scared of what's to come. I feel his pain tenfold 😫

Bloody hell what an over reaction to not being allowed over to play today Confused

SilverPeacock · 25/07/2022 17:32

Aw it’s hard to watch. Disappointment and especially social disappointment for your own child are quite painful things to deal with. I am not sure I have learned entirely how do deal with my own feelings even though mine is a teen now. They are often more resilient than you think they are going to be however.

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